Must See TV!!!!

I'm not big on TV... Haven't been much on TV since the days when Night Court and Cheers were first run. After about the age of 12 all the sitcoms and police dramas began to look the same with a few exceptions which I won't go into here. What I have found, and I hop you have as well is the BEST night of (mostly, and damn near might as well be) first run TV EVER. EVER. I'd almost say it again... fuck it, EVER. I dare you to find a night of TV in recent memory like Sci-Fi's Friday night lineup. I wanted to give it a few weeks to settle in until I could form an opinion... but shit... Keypunch, you're more than welcome to hang here on a friday my man, but damn I'm in doors on Friday nights. And I DVR the shit anyway. THAT'S how good this lineup is! The rap sheet:

Firefly: I've found serenity... I hope it doesn't go bad, but so far I have a new love... MUCH like the one I had for a show created by Rick Berman... but that fucker pissed on those flames... actually, now that I think about it... I've almost entirely forgotten everything about the series finale of Enterprise, and that's a good thing. Firefly sets a bar for the feel of a Star Wars TV show.

Stargate SG-1: In my bedroom at my grandma's house growing up, I didn't really have any room for decoration, but there was a plexi-glass sheet atop the bed height dresser-table. Under the glass I'd slide a few clippings I was fond of at the time, and a prominent one was of Richard Dean Anderson. If your thinking id gutter right now, you're to young to know how MacGyver affected every male adolesent geek in the making. Like Batman he didn't need a gun, UNLIKE Batman, he didn't need a costume, insane amounts of mad cash or even insanity, to beat the bad guys. Anderson was just the charming sanity to ground a potentially ludicrous show and bring in middle age women who only mother geeks, not talk to them. Well, he did that for a LONG time, but now this show is in bonus heapings, and is soley for the geeks and the converted... and FARSCAPE FANS. The new cast members the season are just... fuck, this is a show having fun now, I know they had in the past, but they're having a lot of fun now. Plus, I won't be missing Lexa Doig now that Andromeda is over.

Stargate Atlantis : The weakest member of the lineup. Please continue not sucking. This is your sophmore season, that'll be hard to do. You haven't sucked yet... yet... please don't.

Battlestar Galactica: If this show gets ANY better, the original series will become "calssic" and increase in repute by virtue of sharing the same name. This is the best sci-fi show since TNG. Fuck, it's one of the best TV shows ever. I think I know some of Moore's inspiration on some of this, and that's okay. Zor Prime is one of my favorite characters ever too, and to see him reincarnated as Gias Baltar is just... perfect. Besides, that series owed a little to the original Galactica anyway. The Evangelion moment was pretty sweet. If you don't know what I'm talking about, that's better for your Galactica viewing... If you're watching the show, and the name Jack McKinney means anything to you, then you've already figured it out. Moore, if that's what you're doing... it's a work of beauty, and will bring this so exactly close to what the original series SHOULD have been, and no network would have had the stones to let it be.

Last...
Andromeda: When Dune was in the theaters, they gave you a printed out glossary to watch it with. I NEVER needed a glossary for Dune. Andromeda, I'm still waiting for a printout. I love you, but sometimes... you... confusel me. I'm hoping to catch up on the finale I missed. I heard it was great.

Different channel, similar name: The Science Channel
The BEST show you're NOT watching... Discoveries This Week. Real news, that WILL impact you life in many different ways. All other news is about fear, irratation and gas prices which feeds on both. This show has a list of the stories to the right of the anchor, and greys them out when they're over. It's organized, and isn't trying to sell you anything (just don't let the advertisers know that).

Yesterdays old news... Fuck ABC, what happened to you?

Yesterday, ABC World News Tonight aired a story about Christian successionists rallying around a web site called Christian Exodus. They want to all migrate to South Carolina and then yank it out of the union like a rotting tooth. These a-holes really have me at hello since the banner of their website is complaining about the first amendment to the constitution, and their goal is treason, which they're... free to talk about. But the real thing is, they've been around for about 2 years, and 80 families have all ready gone to conquer South Carolina.... <> 80 fucking families!!!?!?!?!?!?!! The Arcology movement is bigger! You're one MILLIONTH of the population that lives in a "Family/household" like structure... A millionth of .00000108% of the country wants to take South Carolina. Shit, when you do, I'd ask nicely. What great military these 80 families have when the civil war they start goes nuclear.
Why is this being reported? Ask that. Why isn't the Arcology movement being reported? Their buildings look neat. Why was it news yesterday? And why are reporters, even on the BBC, just fucking hoping the shuttle blows to Hell?
I'm not saying Jornalism is dead, I'm just bitching about the smell of it's corpse.

Frog guts and an Island Bomb

Two entirely unrelated things in one post... for no reason than it's hot on a Monday morning.

The WB... that network no one has watched since Buffy was sent packing, decided to kill their frog logo.
This guy. He was in a funny Looney Toon 50 years ago, created by Chuck Jones. It's a nice character, does it make a good network logo? What does? ABC has a circle. NBC's peacock has been obsolete since... since color TV became... NORMAL. And CBS has an eyeball. At least the frog lended some character to an otherwise souless landscape. BUT, very educated people, and I'm sure many, many meetings resulted in... (please no...)

High School Yearbook graphics editors everywhere REJOICE!!!! You're shit is now marketable! I guarantee that the word "edgy" must have been said enough in those offices as to now induce vomiting on the victims of such consensus thought. Do any of you ever, EVER wonder if the people in your focus groups are fucking with you. Focus groups are the dumbest thing, EVER. You sample an extremely small sample of people, and get them to express how they FEEL about a product or a design. Here's the thing... They don't care, you do, your ass is on the line, but your a lunch anecdote to them. Oh, and they were laughing when they told it. Every time. The old networks have had lame ass logos for ever. No one cares. If you wanted the logo, you'd buy a t-shirt of it, even though it's a shoe or whiskey or motorcycle brand. People watch TV for the programs... Oh, and EVERY TV network logo pisses people off. You train us to be pissed. Why? Cause it's what fills dead air when YOU screw up and stick a sandwich in instead of the right tape.

Somehow relevant, but unrelated. I had one of the first reviews of Dreamworks The Island on the net, and if I may toot my own for a second, was the only one with the angle (at that point, that I had seen) that was more interested in how it bode for The Transformers.

Island is a bomb. But the early buzz is that the marketing is going to get the blame. I was worried that Bay's rep might get the blame, due to having a few less than ok movies. If that were the case, might it affect his Transformers involvement? Well, logic is seeming to prevail on this one. Title: The Island + Tagline: There is no island = Who gives a fuck then? Pity. It's good. I guess someone in a focus group liked that marketing strategy.

More Movies watched recently

DVR and Satellite are feeding my movie appitite... I want more!!! The most recent bunch...
Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid: This movie ROCKED. It really did. I liked it. Great crap, who dies next style of movie fluff fun!
Metro : Action Blockbuster from Bizzaro world, like the movie posters in Last Action Hero.
The Wild Bunch: Needed to see again. So much blood.
EuroTrip: Sh-sh-shee-ee was Harriet the Spy. I really liked this movie. I almost hate this genre, but this one worked for me.
The Hound of the Baskervilles: Cushing, Lee... Holmes needs more cinema love.
Cold Mountain: Trust nobody over 10 who says this mess is good. It's not awful, but it is a mess. My wife gave up after 2 hours... and there was still 40 minutes left.
Rushmore: Good movie, but the main character is a brat who needed to be put in his place.
Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle: Great.
Clockwatchers: Make Office Space (2 years earlier), No slapstick, emasculated, and depressingly real. Watch with a chaser of Office Space or Clerks so you don't go to bed depressed about how much shit jobs suck.
Zatoichi chikemuri kaido : Ok.
Hostage (DVD) : A Good movie, with a couple points that are so damn awful, it must be buried with those copies of the E.T. Atari game in the desert.
Kalifornia: MUST Duchovny ALWAYS narrate? Must he? It wasn't a cliche then, it is now.
Jackie Brown : I put it off, and wish it had remained a mystery to me. It's just not Tarintino. Any other name, and it's a good movie. Mel Brooks took his name (as producer) off the Elephant Man for a reason.
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy :
Hitchcock: Shadow of a Genius : Bland.
Reservoir Dogs : Gave it another chance. Then = didn't care for. Now = Love.
The Corporation (DVD) : .... Must see pile of propagandist B.S. Pisses me off. Piss poor argument, lots of anti global fuckheads, and left wing nutball arguments. Then, I did rent it from Blockbuster. I first noticed the movie from their trailer on Apple.com Every author in it sells their stuff on Amazon.com... and I'm sick of Michael Moore saying YOU can't be a poor/ middle-class white guy and BECOME a rich white guy. I guess they closed the station after his train left. He's getting rich telling people that line of shit. The hypocrisy of those facts was biting my ass the whole time.
The Girl Next Door: Not bad.
Mondo Plympton : I love this man.
Bush's Brain : Sloppy and unbalanced. I'm a fool to hope for good investigative journalism instead of biased hype. The worst part was that I agree with the filmmakers on their subject, but making a documentary is going to be worthless if you're preaching to the choir.

Trailer: V for Vendetta / Mirrormask

I feel like the worst fanboy ever. Ever. I've been reading comics most of my life, and I've never read this one. Not once. Okay, I wasn't into the Hellblazer comics that much either... but my HSGF was and she'd tell me about them enough that I didn't need to read them. I think I had From Hell and V really confused. V seemed to really appeal to comic book snobs who probably hated whatever you were reading. Don't tell me Uncanny X-Men and John Byrne sucked back then and ecpect me to give a chance to your pompous crap. V for Vendetta. "I'll never read it."

After watching the movie thailer, I can't get my hand's on it soon enough.

Watch V for Vendetta, and try to tell me that "Vertigo DC Comics" isn't building to be the BEST imprint in comic book movies! (So long as we can dodge "Return of Swamp Thing" be grandfathered into the line;) ) Seriously, After Constantine, and my hopes now for V, I know Vertigo hasn't fired their biggest guns yet. So, if you are incapable of entering a comic book store for fear of gaining a soul; Here are some great movies to potentially come out... Transmetropolitan, We 3 (88 has been RAVING about this to me for awhile), Preacher, Death, and the BIGGEST GUN they have SANDMAN. SANDMAN should get 10 movies, each costing 200 million dollars, featuring the greatest artists in film and directors being whores to Neil Gaiman ala the Frank Miller Robert Rodriguez colaboration on Sin City.

Or Dave McKean could just do it. BTW, if you want to know what it's like to learn that your eyes have been DYING OF THIRST FOR YOUR WHOLE LIFE, AND YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHAT A DRINK WAS UNTIL YOU SAW THE TRAILER FOR MIRRORMASK!!!! Click there, and don't blink.


Back to V for Vendetta. Before you think "Hey asshole, you didn't say anything about this movie being from those fucks who killed the Matrix!!!"

I'm going to do something unexpected; say something nice about the Wachowski brothers. They get a bad rap. The first Matrix was just too good. Most filmmakers could never follow up on it. Let's face it, two better filmmakers are contemplating sequel ideas that we're already laughing and saying WTF about. (Gladiator and E.T. 2, but now that I think about it, a E.T. meets Gladiator series would just make more sense than a direct sequel to either of those!)

The brother's Wachowski are comicbook fanboys. They'd be the last people to piss on Alan Moore. Well, I hope they are. I was sure wrong about the guys who turned Douglas Adams into a urinal puck earlier this year.

Windows "Vista" reaction

Yea, a new OS coming sometime next year has an official name... and all I got from their video is that my icons will be able to change size. So.... The definition of the word vista (from answers.com) : 1) n. A distant view or prospect, especially one seen through an opening, as between rows of buildings or trees. 2.) An awareness of a range of time, events, or subjects; a broad mental view. Okay, the second one does sound like a good name for an OS. Everyone's dream OS is having a computer that understands when your wife sits down to your computer to read the funnies page on yahoo over her coffee, that the pics of cosplay Leia's in gold bikinis should be tucked away. Is that what this OS will do? All I saw were magnifying icons... lemme read some more here... Okay, a dominant new feature may crash the American economy and make sure that the least amount of intelligence and creativity goes into everything possible; Microsoft wants to make business meetings easier to do via computer. Meetings are what enable moderately competent individuals to become morons. Thank you Microsoft, now, some accounting prick is going to suggest that seat belt buckle's be made of talc, and we all go flopping through the windshield since it sounded like a great idea to a group of business people playing bejeweled.
Next feature? Okay some stuff about connectivity to peripherals being new and improved... I hadn't realized plug and play was old and inferior yet. The rest sounds like IT stuff that IT people care about...

Actually Microsoft, I like you. I really do. Windows 3.0 kinda sucked, so you gave me 3.1. We had a decent run, except for a number of problems I blamed on Packard Bell... I thought they deserved to perish. They did. Windows 3.1 wasn't complaint free... So came Windows 95, and it was better. I still had complaints. 95 pissed me off MANY times. I went over to Win 2000. I was happy. I didn't think it was a pretty OS, but who cares. Then came XP, Win 2000 went to Beverly Hills got a facelift and a boob job. I still like XP?

So, what I really want to know, since I'm a lil' worried? Is Microsoft going to say FU (quietly) to casual PC users. As in, the "home" user. I'm getting the feeling, that Microsoft doesn't care about people who don't work in offices doing officey things. Kinda like Y98-FM. So unless you work under a drop ceiling with fluorescent lights printing documents that request the further printing of documents, or tabulate the efficiency of documents printed. Microsoft doesn't want you anymore. Well, they do, but they want you to buy an X-Box 360. Eventually they'll sell the 358 upgrades you missed.

I'm the rarest Microsoft fan, an artist. Artists like Mac. It says so on our template archetype. I used to play more games... PC games went from strategy to super-shooters. Maybe Microsoft is right. If you want to play games buy an X-box. If you want to work, you MUST be in an office... Unless you're an artist... Then you own a Mac. Shit.

Microsoft is genius. They know the vacant mind of their stupid consumers. And have the perfect products for both camps. I can't get them to see my point of view... My tribe went over the hill a decade or more ago... Fine... I'll miss you Microsoft... But I'm an artist.

I guess my next PC will be a Mac.

So long as I can get a mouse with 2 buttons and a clitoris!

dack.com > web > web economy bullshit generator

dack.com > web > web economy bullshit generator

Bookmark for writing a presentation to buissness types!

Peter Jackson Syndrome

I've been saying it for awhile, Hollywood has it's best disease ever, Peter Jackson Syndrome. He farts, they want it as perfume. And we just become happier fans! From the newfound attantion to props on Episode III to Bryan Singers webdocs on making Superman, the plauge has hit a television victim. The best drama on television. Battlestar Galactica has behind the scenes video diaries!! Oh the "Ships" section on the official website, you know the type of content you click on and ussually feel TOO geeky for caring... well, it's almost guilt free and actually not lame. I just wish the videoclips were larger... espicially of the Basestar interior.

Current Symptoms... ;)

• Relentless attention to the finest detail in props and art-direction.
• Openmindedness to epic scale regardless of genre
• (Rarest symptom) Big, thick, DVD's loaded with extra footage (that's ALWAYS makes the movie better) and an exhaustive amount of supplemental material.
• (LATEST SYMPTOM) Web spread video diaries or documentaries about their current work.

There are possibly other symptoms, and while some filmmakers showed signs of this before PJ, they were unfortunately never contagious. An if they were, we never benefitted.

Huh?? of the week: Halloween: Retribution (2006)

Halloween: Retribution (2006)

Click on the link... look at the entry... say WTF! And have a good laugh. Unless it's accurate. Prank or not? I assume we'll find out eventually, but I thought you might like a looksee.

In case a change is made to the entry, It reads:

Directed by
John Carpenter
Morgan Webb

X-Play's Morgan.

Who knew?

Movie: The Island !!!!

Yea, I got to see a movie in advance, and pass on the love. So, since the reports are going to be in abundance, know that this take on it is going to cater not to general movie lovers. This is about a MUCH BIGGER ISSUE. So, in case you're not aware, the creative team on this movie, the screenwriters, director and probably a similar group of suits at Dreamworks, are going to be the guys in charge of bringing you Transformers the Movie. It was also announced today that the release date will be Wednesday, July 4th, 2007. Set your countdown clocks.

After I rant about the Transformers thing, we can talk about the actual movie, it’s place in dystopic cinema, why it doesn’t fucking belong in that genre, and where it stands in it’s actual genre, and the year as a whole.

Michael Bay is off the shit list. I’ve loved him, and hated him. After Bad Boys, The Rock, and Armageddon, it was all love. He shot fast, made it big, kept every frame exciting. At being three for three, tragedy struck with whatever screwed up Pearl Harbor. I could go on about Pearl Harbor, but Team America had a song that summed it up. Bad Boys 2 was kinda lifeless as well. Okay, Pearl Harbor was absolute crud… but I have spread many less than loathsome feelings about that movie. I hated it enough that people saw it, and didn’t think it was that bad. It just wasn’t good. I though, began a four year stretch of hating Michael Bay. Tonight, that bile is gone, but the love isn’t back, yet.

Obi-Wan Kenobi, the blonde from Lost in Translation, Maximus’ friend in Gladiator, Boromir, Mr. Pink and Michael Clarke Duncan who is always more noticeable than the characters he plays. That’s not a bad thing, I haven’t met a good movie geek who doesn’t hold love for that man. In Sin City, and Planet of the Apes he was like a prize at the bottom of a box of Cookie Crisp. That’s what he is here too, a bonus treat.

Ewan McGregor may not like being Obi-Wan. I don’t know. But, at least to me, he kicks Alec Guiness’ ass. I loved him before Star Wars, and I look forward to almost everything he does. I don’t like it on those movie hype interviews when he talks about the directors of his films. It feels like he always back stabbing others he’s worked with. He has a dream list if disparate talents, who all work differently; Lucas Burton, Bay, Scott, Luhrmann. He could write a book on their differences.

Hey… how was the Island? Have you ever read my reviews? The Island isn’t on the floor bleeding from the gut at this point. It’s lived far longer than War of the Worlds did. The Island gave me a renewed faith in the Transformers project. With or without Pearl Harbor at this point, to EVERY red blooded, born in the 70’s fanboy, Bay is on probation until July fourth 2007. He has a noose around his neck, and a platform at his feet. I didn’t expect to see The Island today, but I was probably going to post some reaction to the release date.

So, for the Trans-fans; the original release date was supposed to be in November of 2006. I was getting nervous since that could mean a rush job. We don’t want it rushed right? November is a much different month than July. July 4th, is a world apart from most days on Hollywood’s calendar. This movie is not going to cater to fans as much as many are going to hope. It’s going to be very mainstream, it has to be to own that date. I personally feel Transformers was mainstream to begin with, but I’m part of the generation where Transformers was the mainstream. It was the big aisle at toy chest, Star Wars was in a back corner.

When you see The Island, allow yourself, if only for a moment, to picture Ewan as Spike, and Scarlett as Carly. You’ll wish that the Cadillac Cien would just do what it’s beautiful form begs to, and TRANSFORM. It won’t. But, when the action is on, and mechanical, this movie feels on the mark, for that other movie, and you can’t help but to get fired up for ’07, like the Star Wars Special Editions just BEING in theaters had you counting the seconds till ’99.

Now we’ll get on with the review, of the movie that may have been killed by its own trailers. If this flick fails in any capacity, it should blame its marketing department. The trailers killed an element of tension and mystery. I wished that the trailers had been outright lies. I really do. There are often scenes in trailers that don’t appear in the movie. Peter Jackson was even flaunting this fact on the King Kong fansite. He bragged about it. So, if the movie is about lies and deception for it’s first half, why not lie to get us into the movie? It empties the movie into being purely an action piece. If I hadn’t seen the abundant previews, there would have been a number of nice surprises. The trailers also painted this to be more of a Logan’s Run remake than it is. It is, very much so though a love child of Logan and Coma. Ok, go see Coma. Back? Good. If I ever write a textbook for what makes for a good movie, Coma is the case study on introducing characters. The movie starts, and they could go into any story with that introduction. Logan’s Run however is a pure dystopic future. If the entirety of The Island were the first 40 minutes or so… It’d qualify. It spends too much time in the outside world to be in that genre. Well, yes, Logan and his cute girlfriend did too… but there was nothing outside but a psychotic robot, one old coot who buried his own parents and about a hundred cats, who probably would have rather eaten the parents. In the future of The Island, Cosmopolitan and Maxim magazine are still being printed. Maxim still has hot chicks. So the obvious rule should occur to all critics of this movie; If Maxim still is being printed for horny men of taste, then the future isn’t THAT bleak.

General futurist movies, like Blade Runner, A.I., Minority Report, I Robot, and The Island, deal with a central theme of a world changing technology, and show in the background how different or not the world becomes in the future. The Island is slightly depressing in this respect, since the future is a lot like now. Maxim and Cosmo are still being printed. There are no spinners in the sunless sky, or three seashells in the potty. There’s some exotic futuristic shit that is side by side with stuff from now. A nice touch, there’s a Chevy SSR, aged to look almost kind of old.

So where does it stand in it’s very general category? Well, It’s about on par with I Robot? It’s no Minority Report, but neither was War of the Worlds. There’s a fair deal of stupidity in The Island, that prevents it from being to high in the ranks. Our heroes are a bright bunch, but the villains aren’t anyone to be memorable. Even though the main villain is Sean Bean, he has possibly the weakest character. You’ll see the face of Boromir, 006, or Partridge (from Equilibrium if you want dystopic and Sean Bean, look no further) not own up to any of those roles. Actually, I liked him, and didn’t see his character as evil… you kinda want to slap him in a friendly way for being stupid. Or take him to a bar, and buy him one last beer in America and tell him to get his ass to Mexico.

The best thing about the Island is the moral ambiguity. If you like cut and dry morality, look at their costumes. If you like a little more meat, pay attention and there’s at least half a sit or so at Steak and Shake that could be spent, after the movie, talking about who’s right and wrong in the picture.

So does it make the top 5 of the year? Is War of the Worlds sent to the other list for procrastinating aliens who were to stupid to pack some Cipro?

Well, the likability of all movies change with time. Some you didn't think much of, ferment in your mind and become favored classics. Others you can see just one more time, and ask why you bothered.

1. Star Wars Episode III
2. Batman
3. Sin City
4. Mr. & Mrs. Smith
5. (tie) The Island / Constantine

What happened to War of the Worlds? I saw it a second time. The thrill was shot. But, Batman almost tied with Star Wars. I've only seen Batman once though. Star Wars is still due a few more viewings even. I do these with a bit of math and comparitive scoring. I only put nine movies on the chart; FF, WotW, Island, Sin City, Ep 3, Constantine, Batman, M&M S, and KoH. If Robots or HHGTTG had been on the list, I doubt the results would have been much different. Besides we all know that Kong, and Potter are looming... as is Narnia, and Underworld 2... If you have a top 5 of the year, there is a comment button... that says "no comment" or something like that.

Sketchbook entry. 0001

I'm going to start putting some sketches and drawings up as I do them. I haven't drawn much these past few years, so I'm trying to knock the rust off. Comments are more than welcome, and a 800ish x 600ish version comes up if you click on him. I may do a digital painting of this guy later on.

Could G4 vanish???

Time Warner just won a case in the New York Supreme court against AMC since they changed content a few years ago... going fro Really old movies to old movies. So, what does this mean to G4. Cable and satellite providers who didn't carry G4, a network devoted to coverage of Video-games, but carried TechTV, a channel devoted to Computers, technology and video-games, now carry G4.

So, if you start to see a show or two dealing with general computing come to G4... Be Shocked!!! Cause it's probably going to happen, so their ass isn't kicked off of any provider who doesn't care. I say kill Judgement Day. No one likes it. At least no one I can carry on a good conversation about X-Play with. Make the guys on Judgement day review java applications and new inkjets. It'd give them a needed ratings boost.

Awesome Galactica Tidbit.

I saw this on IMDB

Episode: #2.10 - 16 September 2005
Title : Pegasus

Episode: #2.11 - January 2006
Title: Resurrection Ship

And appearing in BOTH is Michelle Forbes as Admiral Nelena Cain

Make the next 2 minutes of you life happy, with Ping Pong

Albino Blacksheep / Flash / Ping Pong (Matrix Ping Pong) (Japanese Ping Pong)

CLICK THAT LINK.... It's exactly what it says... and truly cool!

I wish the video quality were better, but watching this clip is essential to a full life. Watch and enjoy.

Fantast Four beat the Box office Slump....

The slump ended? 19 weeks. Star Wars, Cruise and Spielberg, Pitt & Jolie, and Batman all failed to beat the slump on the year... and THEY did it? The Fantastic Four.... So basically pretty much ALL of hollywood and even the studio that made the movie, were wrong. Wow. I know, I bitched about the thing... and the Thing. But most of my bitching comes from having read the material, and knowing how much better it could have been. So... Yay, give us a (Better) Sequel!!!!

Amazon.com: Books: No Logo: No Space, No Choice, No Jobs

Amazon.com: Books: No Logo: No Space, No Choice, No Jobs

This just sucks. I'm watching this anti-corporate piece of propaganda called The Corporation. Of course, I rented it at Blockbuster. This woman is on there talking, Naomi Klein, she's an author, telling me how fucking bad companies are. Her book is on Amazon.com. Oh, BTW, I was looking up her website to see how many books she's written (since her printing company must be innocent) This is an honest quote from her website's FAQ: "No Logo has a logo. Is that hypocritical? No."
Her heart is in the right place. She's aginst sweatshops... fine, okay... but these people are going to deman to work in a sweatshop when companies say to you; "We're closing down our sweatshops! And Buying robot workers from Honda." I was watching a great new show on The Science Channel, called, How It's Made. Great show. And those American factories they showed... DIDN'T HAVE ANY PEOPLE!!!!
The Bread factory. Not one mutherfucker ever touched your bread. Nobody, just a machine, a giant robot that poops out sliced bread. Contact lenses actually involve a shitload of people... but CD's and DVD's... After the master is made... no one.

So this bitch must hate sweatshops. Except the ones that make the paper, ink, boxes.. fuck ALL the materials needed for manufacturing her book. She's an author, and has a product that is made with other products. I bet the glue that keeps her book together is made in a factory in happyland, and smells like fresh baked brownies. Cause if it's anything like a glue factory, and I've never personally been in one, it must be most things her book hates. What's she writing this on anyway? Does she drink coffee?

All the shit these people are against are one thing, civilization. It has faults, and we all suffer with them with the explicit knowledge that it's better than shitting in twigs, eating raw bat shit and having your dork hang out all of the time. Now, those activities are called leisure.

Movie : Fantastic Four

Well, don't exactly listen to the poster. Okay, I'm going to bottle up anything and everything to do with the comic... After all, Spider-Man changed the web-shooters, and we LOVE Spidey. Batman Begins removed almost every drop of comic book juice from 60 some years of a character and we loved it. So, who in Hollywood we trust. After all, Transformers is sounding... never mind, this is the day of the Fantastic Four.

With War of the Worlds aging like a open can of soda at a company picnic (on a really HOT day), this review is about the wimp that backed off and gave the colossus it's space. Of course we were the idiots who lined up to see an invasion when the movie's tagline read " "They're already here." Why is War relevant to FF? Well, the studios thought there was a relationship, since both were jockeying for July 4th to open. "Two for flinching" is a very grade school attitude, but it's a box-office rule. FF backed down and said, sight unseen, that Cruise and Spielberg would take the weekend. Both of these movies have some common ground. Weak ass climaxes being the worst common offense. To close this part off before cutting into the movie. FF was better. It wasn't a greater cinematic experience than WotW, but it's a better movie. With one simple thing, when I saw WotW a second time the spark was already gone. FF's best moments aren't gutpunches, they're great, FUN, character moments.

The MOVIE review.
This was a light hearted movie, it's the fluffiest movie I've seen this summer that wasn't kiddy fare. Even with almost every woman in it being a stone cold bitch. The initial reactions of people to the Thing are pure shit. When you see it, you'll know the modern definition of marriage boys, yea, the moment on the bridge... pure shit.. oh, and what the fuck were the cops doing with their guns drawn? Thoughtless shit. I'm not going to list all the flotsam stuck to this thing... as a summer flick, it's worth seeing. Great for a cheapy show. Why? Even though I'm getting ready to kill this movie in the way it deserves to be bled to death...
Johnny Storm Rules! Thing (don't... no... I must...) ROCKS! But, not in action scenes... there, he sucks. Actually, Thing as a summer action setpiece... SUCKS HARD. His suit is crap, think Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3. Yup, the cheap turtle suits. We're almost in Flash TV show quality. The Live action Guyver movie had better costumes. Thing's paint peeling neck (bridge sequence, look for it) is inexcusable after Helboy. Michael Chiklis' performance is wonderful. He even saves bad moments of the script, but it's Chris Evans who deserves to become a star. Evans as the torch carries the movie. It shouldn't. But this actor deserves good, big action movies.

The Comic as toilet paper.
This piece of shit was WAY too dark. Why the hell do these characters spend the first half of the movie hating each other? Why is every woman a stone cold bitch? Doom? Reed? Sue? WHAT WERE THEY THINKING???
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We interupt this impending execution of a movie that steamrollered the comic to bring you the probable development meeting of the movie, from whenever it happened.

SUIT

Okay people, Sony has a hit and it has a name and that name is Spiderman! Now, I want a big comic book movie and I want it to be as much like Spiderman as possible. Here's what it needs. First, We need a corprate CEO as a villian. The other board members are going to threaten him with buisness stuff. He'll dress in green and have a mask that doesn't move or emote!

WRITER

But sir, we came up with, instead of Doom wearing armor and not wanting to seem like Darth Vader with our release date being so close to Star Wars, that he'd be organic metal. Like the Thing becomes Rock, he'd become metal. That way we can have him emote, and have his face move?

SUIT

Well dammit, I want him to have an unmoving mask. Put it on top of his metal face.

WRITER

Where would he get it.

SUIT

Have it in an awards case. This, Thing he's depressed, why?

WRITER

Because he's ugly.

SUIT

Nonsense. He needs to fill the shelves at Walmart. Kids are going to be asking for his hands at toyzmas. Give him a bitch of a wife, dumps him hard and cold! Speaking of it, This Sue and Reed thing... what's wrong with them, in this damn graphic novel they like, don't have any problems... Women are whores, have her fucking the villian. Fucking whores.

WRITER

Sir, we have one other female character...

SUIT

There were only two in the script.

WRITER

You added a wife to dump the thing. Two plus one equals three.

SUIT

Well, make her a bitch too. Girls don't buy toys.

WRITER

The character is blind.

SUIT

Fine, make her sweet and loving and a minority. That way no one can bitch about what misogynistic racists we are. Heh, we'll even score points with blind people!!

The above account, is purely ficticious, it just happens to fit the piece o' crap you slung at us and called Fantastic Four.

But, it's not total shit. And personally, I hope you guys get to make a couple more.

Her's just a little suggestion... let the characters like each other. Okay, to be fair, in the last half of the movie, the out of place conflict between the characters disappeared. Except for the Thing... what he does, and then does is dog crap. Demote that writer to coffee boy. Shit, really, screw the WGA credits, how many writers did this thing have? It's all over the place as a movie. A mess. With... good parts.

WGA suing Reality Shows???

Isn't this just because of bitterness and jealousy over the success of shows that don't need writers? Nope. It's because reality shows are alledgedly overworking their writers.

So, unscripted TV takes more work to script than scripted TV.

Good U2 fans will remember Bono's remark during the Achtung Baby era; "The hardest part is making it look spontaneous."

Fantastic Four expectations.

I'm seeing the damn thing tonight. At this point I want it to kick major ass. WotW was an asskicker that falls apart if anything more evolved than your brain stem happens to be recieving oxygen.
Hopes:
"Better than Daredevil." I hope I can say that.
"Wow, It wasn't pure shit."
Fear. There's only one really. That I'll say something along the lines of; " Doom always wanted power so he tried to be the most vicious and horrible movie of the year, but Zaphod Beeblebrox strangled him and said he kill Doom for looking at the spot."

Well, Mark called me up and suggested that we see it tonight at a time typically after his bedtime. So he has his defense mechanism in place. In case of suckage, sleep.

Tonight's review will be twofold. As a movie, and as a comic adaption. They've screwed the second one already, as for the first section, maybe they've made the changes to grow a mainstream FF. I'll be THAT open minded. MAYBE they changed the FF for the red-states or the flyovers or the NCAA, or whatever term for a group nobody in the meeting fit into.
"Lets make the FF more AARP!"

Predicted number of John Byrne issues of FF read by the makers of this film: NONE.

MTV just plain sucks.

They're awful. Comic book geek on The Simpsons should call them on being the worst network ever. They should have been forced to watch their disgraceful coverage of the Live 8 concert. A title card reading "MTV DoN't cArE shit DawG!" "BoOyAb!" Or however the generation of MoRoN's they raised in Da HousE! Fucking talks. This is the same generation snickering like drunken sheep during serious movies. An entire generation of prostitutes raised on X$t and Barbie.

I'm watching all the acts they talked through and cut off on AOL. This and not killing DC comics just to watch it die are the best things they've ever done.

MTV said each act performed 3 songs... well, AOL has four apiece... MTV can't even fucking COUNT. 24 acts assholes. WITH commercials that would be about 9 hours of telecast. How could you fuck up the coverage of that event. HOW??? The continent of Africa owes you a collective "Bite me." The Acts should call your network chronic ass pain. No, actually, as a member by the chronological nature of my birth, I am a full member of the "MTV Generation"

Remember us? The first group of kids you raised. Until the tech bubble burst, we were the wealthiest and most succesful generation in history. More thanks to Sesame Street than you... and we'll be there again. We'll probably thank you for eliminating all competition from the younger generation. You run words at the bottom of the screen for kids that can't even read.
I motion that we CEASE BEING CALLED "THE MTV GENERATION".

I said to my grandma one time, something to the effect of, a sure sign of being old is when your music is on those crappy TV commercials. Not as an isult to her, more of a personal barometer to keep an eye out for. So I leave you with this... MONSTER BALLADS

So long ago.

I was just getting something out of the fridge when I noticed that the side of my wife's minced garlic said Spice World. It reminded me of the movie of the same title featuring the Spice Girls, and allowed me to think back to all of the knock-off groups.
My favorites were Garlic Garage, Sage Wisdom, and Cummin Us. But I was never fond of Curry Fury or the solo artist Paprika Smear.

Movies Ive been Tivoing...

Tivo is like Kleenex. I don't know if we use Kleenex facial tissues or not, but we call them Kleenex. When I say I Tivo something, I don't have a Tivo, I just mean I used a DVR. For some reason, everyone knows what a Tivo is, and no one knows what a DVR is. Onto the list.

Ark: It doesn't exist. But I swear I saw it, and James Woods was in it... It was pretty good. Not stellar, better that Spirits Within... I SWEAR it EXISTS!!!

Mystic River Good movie, a must see. Forget the pretentious Academy hype, and whether or not Robbins and Penn come off a radical leftists... It's just a good movie, and they do stellar work!

Phantoms And yea, I thought this one was pretty good too. It's much better than a lot of pieces of crap that I've heard people defend and even get huffy over. It also doesn't try to be anything but a neat horror flick. All sorts of critics and fans of the book hate this thing... well, I don't read Dean Koontz, but he did a servicable horror flick here with a concept that I really dug.

Star Trek: The Next Generation - All Good Things... Oooo, It was on Spike TV. I recently had a love affair with a show called Enterprise. TNG is a happy marriage.

Indie Sex: Taboos Boring.

Snowball Effect: The Story of Clerks Kevin Smith is a personal hero to me.

Super Size Me : Lot of good things to think about here, if you can ignore his damn girlfriend who weeps for cows. You wanna go vegan for health or taste issues, GO FOR IT! You bitch about the suffering of animals, and I want to... never mind. At least Morgan (the dude in the movie) enjoys his steak and bacon.

Sayonara : I loved it. But the more movies I see from the fifties the more I hate that society.

Hellraiser: Hellseeker Kinda nifty. OK.

Papillon I've seen it now. Yay. Never have to again. Not bad at all, just checked off.

Triplettes de Belleville, Les Cute and Funny. Recommended.

The Mysterious Island (one from the 20's) Kinda ranted about this flick already...

It Came from Outer Space Good movie.

Envy. Show this in prisons before showings become classified as torture. Play in bathrooms with backed up plumbing to overpower the smell of raw sewage. Want to hide a row of trash dumpsters, stick up a billboard for this.

The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra "The FUNNIEST movie I ever saw!!!" -- My wife. I say Duck Soup is funnier... but Lost Skeleton would be a con screening staple if cons were like they used to be!

Deliverance Life affirming. I never need to engage in an outdoor activity ever again. That's good, since I don't like outdoor things, now I know why. Interesting part; watching it and seeing Jon Voight and thinking hey, tha1t's where Angelina Jolie got her mouth, freaky... and then a hillbilly goes and says; "You sure got a pretty mouth."

The Haunted Mansion I've nothing to say.

Night of the Living Dead Now, that's a good movie. Feel bad for having avoided it for so long.

Paycheck Crap. Maybe if you're really tired from a long day, and someone gave it too you, and you want to watch a movie you've never seen, but you think you'll fall asleep. Then it's made to fit.

Peter Pan. (the new one) I've grown to like Hook. This is just kind of there... If ya dig on Peter Pan...

At the Earth's Core... You, this blog has seen bitching about you before!

A Walk on the Moon At the end of her movie Lady Jaye pulls up on an LCV Recon Sled, gets off and says to some kids; " You know, many people have dreams in life, but you'll enjoy life more if you forget your dreams and don't regret how dull you live is." And the kids say, "Give up now, and be boring!" another kid says; "Life is pointlessly boring, and I shouldn't have any dreams! Now I know!" Lady Jaye: "And knowing is half the battle."

Fahrenheit 451 In an illeterate society... a Fireman who burns books for a living, is corrupted by actually reading some. Where did he learn to read?

Talk Radio Every time this Oliver Stone movie is played, Howard Stern is owed 5 bucks.

X : The anime... awful.

Häxan Mentioned elsewhere on the blog I think...

Blackboard Jungle Okay, I guess it's a seminal movie. Pretty good.

The Crimson Pirate Second ONLY to Pirates of the Carribean. Anyone who says the Sea Hawk is a better Pirate movie had better look below.

The Sea Hawk: Is NOT a Pirate movie. It has privateers, and piracy and action, but it has political intrigue. It's an elizabeethan James Bond. NOT a Pirate movie.

House of flying Daggers Pretty.

October Sky I hate stupid people in movies. Stupid hate filled people who hate new ideas. This is a must see. Fuck 'em.

The Searchers Much goodness.

The Cooler Shit. Avoid. Great acting. I hated the off camera climax and luck being... real. Yes, Luck was REAL. I mean, if you're LUCKY you can walk by a row of slot machines and people start winning... and at poker and craps.. Luck is real.

20 Million Miles to Earth. The people of Rome are SO MODEST, they don't brag that they have the BIGGEST ELEPHANT EVER!!!! That's more of a joke, It's a fun movie.

Hollywood North I liked it. You won't.

Elf You may like it. I won't.

Laws of Attraction Something we can all agree on.

Pi Something we can hate film nerds for liking...

The Butterfly Effect Something that can stir up to 30 minutes of converstation.

Aero-Troopers: The Nemeclous Crusade Doesn't suck. Geeks will like.

Dawn of the Dead Fast Zombies.

Japanese Story Sad. Good. Small. Needs ice cream for proper viewing.

Around the World in 80 Days Ok.

Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events Pretty good. (Sorry that was a DVD)

Scary Movie 3 Funny stuff.

Box Office Slump

It's going on 20 weeks old, it's the biggest story in entertainment, and it really has nothing to do with Tom or Katie. Today again, it's the top two stories on IMDB. Top story says the slump is getting worse, second item says movies are making MORE, A LOT MORE on DVD. And they're wondering why?

In line for Star Wars, people shout "Nerds!!!!" at the line.

Wednesday night screening of War of the Worlds. A whole row of teenage girls would not stop laughing.

We all could add to this list until it crashed the entire internet. $10 for a ticket, $5 for a soda, $5 for popcorn, and a cramped seat.

I know a couple guys who got themselves a surround sound system from Wally - Mart for around 40 bucks.

$20 for one person to have a munchie and something to wash Artery hardening starch down with. The DVD will cost less than that. Lets put it into the typical family of four.

1 movie a week: (we'll knock of 10 bucks, cus there's a kid or two) $70... $3,640..... A year.

Wait. Lets spread that out as a budget for Home entertainment.

1 $15 DVD a week for a year is $780. Owning it.
Big screen, not TOO fancy, $1,500
Soda, a case a week... $260
Popcorn... $104 a year.
Block buster account... $240 a year...
I still have $756 dollars LEFT OVER.
GOING INTO NEXT YEARS BUDGET, THE BIG SCREEN WOULDN'T BE THERE.

Screen size is important. Hot teenage bubbleheads are nicve to look at, but last movie I went to, I said to Keypunch monkey, that if I had fired a shot past the goalie with my HSGF, that'd be the age they'd be now.

Besides who wants to be in a building with screaming, teenagers?
A: Rock Stars.

July 4th

A Yankee Doodle Dandy... July 4th 4:00 AM. 2005.

But at Walgreens it was January 15th, 1995.

I feel like I got ten years added onto my life!

Fantast Four Clips on Yahoo!!!

Second Opinion: 1:04. He's the face of a billion dollar company and he's in a shitty little room like that with only one doctor. Health care in America has gone to hell! I'll save my bitchings about him not being the Lord of Latveria... I'm still willing to give this movie a fair shake.

Don't Even think About It: 1:17. Fine, I won't. This clip feels like it's a "first threat of Villian" ala Joker in the museum or the beautiful Green Goblin in Times Square sequence. If it's filling that place... wait Jessica said not to think.

It's Clobberin Time: 0:38. No shit. When I saw The Shield, I was suprised as hell, and I still am in total denial that that is The Commish. Damn Chiklis... no it CAN'T be him, maybe a brother... this man proves all of those celebrity workout articles in magazines at the checkout are bullshit, since I've never seen him featured in one, and it's just amazing... he's in great fucking shape!

That was the Prototype: 0:25. Best clip yet. WATCH THIS ONE. I have a new faith in this movie!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fix your Face: 0:50. No, not two in a row..... It CAN'T BE GOOD!!!!!

Wow, You're Hot: 1:01. Beat to death line in trailer, subtle in context... Right now, some marketing people may need to be fired.

"Look At Me" 0:58. Doom / Sue... ... I won't say pure shit, though I may be fearing it.... (It's okay it's just different... breathe...)
"Picture That, But Everywhere" 0:34. seen in trailer. skip.
"Brooklyn Bridge" 0:57. There's ALWAYS a truck with something explosive in a movie pileup.
"The Day Of The Fantastic Four" 0:36. No, you're not the Fantastic Four... You're Johnny Storm and his backup band, not that that is feeling like a bad thing. I'm smelling Reed Richards being yank of the early drafts of the script for talking over tha audiences head. I hope he's in the movie.
"Anger, Rage, Frustration" 0:36. The way reed talks and the bitterness between these characters is a total buzzkill. Can't they just happen to be a couple, maybe actually loving each other. Some suit must have come up with this shit. Reed's an IDIOT, and Sue is a SLUT. Whoever thought of that? If I enjoy it I may hate it for this alone. Well, 2 characters appear spot on, and have great moments. The other three... WHO THE HELL ARE THEY??

That's about 9 minutes of the movie. All in all I'm more optimistic about the movie, but Reed, Sue, and Doom don't look good. I'll have to force myself to have forgotten the Fantastic Four to even watch this movie. But, think about this, if they hadn't complicated Reed and Sue's relationship, could they have made time for making him Lord of Latveria instead of a CEO? Well, we'll see.

War of the Worlds... Seen a second time.

Went with the Keypunch Monkey, and I felt like a Goddamn moron after the movie... The Monkey himself pointed out that a cammcorder is working after the power, cell phones and cars have all been deactivated by the EMP? I admit I was, as a CGI geek, not looking at the fucking camcorder... there was a Tripod that had my attention. I will also admit to being less than an expert about automobiles, no idiot, just smarter than the average bear. I asked what a solenoid was, since I was beffudeled that it wasn't ruined by the EMP before it was installed. Afterwards we marvelled at the aliens having forgotten to pack their anti-biotics, and wondered why, if they had time to bury these magnificent tripods a million years ago... why they didn't just take the Earth then.

Oh, MASTADON. The Mighty MASDADON.

War of the Worlds Part II.

Just an afterthought.... I like the 1953 version better, and always will. Sorry Spielberg, but it's all about the sound. The sound your walking tripods make reminds me of that deep bass note that the CEO3K mothership blats out, the glass shattering one. The sound of those 53 death rays, is etched into my childhood... Like the mothership in Close Encounters!!!

Lucased and Spielberged out? Hate what they did to cinema? Check out The Mysterious Island (1929)! It played a couple nights back on TCM. So, if you're some film snob who hates these big flashy movies (that I love) watch this oldie and remember that these types of movies have always been made. The Mysterious Island has more short people in rubber masks than ALL of Lucas and Spielberg's movies ever (probably), total! A mess of mer men... and the music that someone put in at some point kinda sounds like the Oompa Loompa music.