I'm making the most definitive list of favorite movies ever.

For every year, I'm listing every movie I've seen and compare them all to each other asking one question; Which movie do I like more. Movies that score in the 80th percentile or higher, advance to the next round: Favorite of the Decade. After each Decade is done, an All Time list will be formed.

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Best Lists are BS! My Favoritest Flicks of 2008 (So Far!)

Ah-hem, Now on to my "BEST" of the year Bullshit! So I was just reading Massawyrm's "Best of 2008" List on AICN. And the BEST movie of the year on his list is Frost/ Nixon. And that does look to be a kick ass movie, and I can't wait to see it. But... Unlike all these other BEST of whatever year lists, Massawyrm mentions, that his favorite movie of the year is Kung-Fu Panda! Because its fun. Wait, you think Wall-E and Dark Knight and Slumdog millionare are better movies than a movie you like MORE? I suspect all these other listeers are doing the same thing. Why would your favorite movie not be the best one of the year. If Frost-Nixon, is BETTER than Kung-Fu Panda, why don't you enjoy it more? Now, I know we all enjoy some movies that are complete piles of crap. One friend of mine KNOWS Little Nicky is a pile of Crap, and knows that to HIM, it's good! A Best list is from the author's point of view. Such as with my list below, I feel Mongol is a BETTER movie than Wanted, but not by much, I know I like Wanted a little more than Mongol, and Wanted did end up with a higher score than Mongol. Let me try to boil this down some.... If you don't LIKE a movie, it won't make your BEST list. If you LOVE a movie you're likely to argue that it's the best anyway! I do think 2008 is a "One Droid to Rule them all." kind of year. Wall-E is the BEST movie of the year to me, it's also my favorite of the year. Generally you're going to like what you think is good, and not like what you think is bad... Aw Fuck, just pop in the Criterion Armageddon DVD and listen to Ben Affleck go on about "Best"... So, as of 2008, so far, I still need to see Momma Mia, and Eagle Eye, the Best Picture nomoniee's, then I need to HATE any movie on that list Not ending in a hyphenated "E". Just kidding. I grew out of that... I think. Kinda. I broke down in 2008 and finnially watched Annie Hall. I liked it. It's good. But it wasn't better than Star Wars. When I redo my all time list, Wall-E may even threaten Colossus: The Forbin Project. But I've yet to see a movie that beats The Original Trilogy.

But, this is just '08, and with all the movies I've yet to see, I am sure of one thing, the number one slot safely belongs to the droid that gives me bits of;
  • I am Legend: He's the Last man on Earth...
  • Fight Club: He's a lone iconoclast causing people to question their day to day monotony
  • Titanic: two young lovers on the best ship in the world.
  • Star Wars / Droids with Ben Burtian personality!
  • Silent Running: The droid design
  • 2001 /2010 / Colossus / Macross Plus: Auto, welcom to the pantheon. Dr. Charles Forbin is in the chamber of Hell reserved for Dr. Frankenstein and his ilk since Colossus didn't have an off switch.
  • Phantom of the Opera: Well not in theme, but you do open with Michael Crawford singing!
You're probably a nice number more, you little scamp, so here's your list, it should be your year, next year belongs to a different set of robots... or Captain Kirk, and if not either, I'm going to be pissed. Oh, only one red title so far... why? My hate for Semi-pro is so far from the special Hell deserved by the Happening, relatively, I like every movie but the Happening. Fuck there's the BEST of 2008 list EVERY MOVIE EXCEPT THE HAPPENING! You all get Oscars, leave M Night alone in his seat...
  1. WALL-E
  2. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
  3. Iron Man
  4. Star Wars: The Clone Wars
  5. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
  6. Hellboy II: The Golden Army
  7. Quantum of Solace
  8. Kung Fu Panda
  9. Wanted
  10. Mongol
  11. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
  12. The Incredible Hulk
  13. Hancock
  14. Journey to the Center of the Earth
  15. The Spiderwick Chronicles
  16. Cloverfield
  17. Get Smart
  18. Speed Racer
  19. The Day the Earth Stood Still
  20. The Forbidden Kingdom
  21. Tropic Thunder
  22. The Dark Knight
  23. Step Brothers
  24. 10,000 B.C.
  25. W.
  26. The Spirit
  27. The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
  28. The Love Guru
  29. Space Chimps
  30. Jumper
  31. Meet the Spartans
  32. Semi-Pro
  33. The Happening
The Happening did make $64.5 Million. Maybe he should get the Oscar. I may have bitched that Dark Knight was overrated, but it was good enough to make bank! The Happening should have had the same fate as Extreme Movie, or at most Delgo! It's people staring at TREES! For two FUCKING HOURS, People run from and react to TREES. We all know "Spielberg does the same thing!" No. He does give us bits of seeing a shark or Dinosaur or UFO or Tom Cruise, BUT We're sitting there, looking at those people thinking, YEA, I'd feel that way seeing a shark or dinosaur or UFO or Tom Cruise.... NOT TREES! I'd say M Night needs to be Go-4'd but, if we're so STUPID as to give 64 MILLION to his movies. We might deserve him...

Andrew Stanton makes a movie about robot on robot love, and his movie gets branded as a tree huggin liberal by Fox news, but the Happening, a movie from Fox, about Tree's killing humans in retilation for human development makes 64 million. Fuck.

Favoritest Movies of 2003

I've seen so many movies from this year, Finding Nemo doesn't make the cut to advance to the All-time list, and Matrix revolutions isn't sitting at the bottom! Even Hulk and Matrix 2 manage to stay out of the red, In second place; with nineteen words and two colons between their titles, one compared to... scratch that one WAS Star Wars on water and the other is Star Trek. There must have been something about boats that year. What an awesome pair, and a number of other good movies too, but the TOP spot, was a movie that for some reason, didn't make the list of even having been seen when I first compiled it, then, I'm working on 2002 and I see Two Towers, and think, wait, No! If Two Towers even exists in 2002, then 2003 BELONGED to only one movie, and it bows to NO ONE.
  1. Return of the King
  2. TIE: Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World
  3. TIE: Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
  4. X2: X-Men United
  5. Underworld
  6. Zatoichi (The Blind Swordsman)
  7. Lost in Translation
  8. The Corporation
  9. Fog of War
  10. Big Fish
  11. Kill Bill Vol. 1
  12. Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas
  13. City of God
  14. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
  15. Basic
  16. Godzilla: Tokyo S.O.S.
  17. Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life
  18. The Core
  19. Bulletproof Monk
  20. Kaena: The Prophecy
  21. Runaway Jury
  22. Timeline
  23. Frank Herbert's Children of Dune
  24. Finding Nemo
  25. Looney Tunes: Back in Action
  26. Bend It Like Beckham
  27. The Last Samurai
  28. The Medallion
  29. Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines
  30. Freddy vs. Jason
  31. Tokyo Godfathers
  32. Peter Pan
  33. Scary Movie 3
  34. The Triplets of Belleville
  35. Final Destination 2
  36. Spy Kids 3D: Game Over
  37. The Italian Job
  38. Wonderful Days
  39. Once Upon a Time in Mexico
  40. The Recruit
  41. Phone Booth
  42. Shanghai Knights
  43. The Haunted Mansion
  44. Down with Love
  45. S.W.A.T.
  46. School of Rock
  47. Daredevil
  48. Mystic River
  49. Matchstick Men
  50. Shattered Glass
  51. The Matrix Reloaded
  52. Hulk
  53. Seabiscuit
  54. Anger Management
  55. The Dreamers
  56. Freaky Friday
  57. Ju-on: The Grudge
  58. Paycheck
  59. 28 Days Later
  60. American Splendor
  61. Bruce Almighty
  62. Cold Mountain
  63. Rugrats Go Wild!
  64. Old School
  65. Elf
  66. Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle
  67. The Matrix Revolutions
  68. The Cooler
  69. Bad Boys II
  70. Gigli
  71. Thirteen
  72. The Cat in the Hat
  73. Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd
  74. Cabin Fever
  75. Dreamcatcher
Legend: Onto the next Round! In the middle. I do NOT enjoy.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Movie: The Spirit

Everything I was about to say just flew out of my ass when I went to grab a poster of this movie. Look at that thing! The red title and the color scheme are from "300"! The other posters look like Sin City. Impawards has the posters, look at all three movies. The Movie Blog was pretty hard on this movie's marketing, and it becomes only more and more clear as to why.

Anyway, I love Frank Miller, well his work and career at least, I only wish I knew him personally, I've never met him, but I've listened to him speak at conventions several times.

I almost don't want to put my thoughts down. Something did go wrong here, and I'm gonna buy the fattest special edition this movie has to offer to figure out why. Lets move on...

Frank, we've been reading that you're going to do Buck Rogers. Are you going to do Buck in this Sin-City look? Part of me says please don't, but I must admit, I'm curious to see it. It might be fresh. But please... editing... This thing was cut like a power point presentation, it felt like someone was holding my head while reading a book! Oh, and sound. Nothing technical was up to the visuals, and a movie can't just ride on one engine.

Please, hit Buck Rogers out of the park. We're rooting for you!

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Movie: The Day the Earth Stood Still

Okay, Peter Jackson remade King Kong, Tim Burton re-imagined Planet of the Apes and Someone monkeyed around to call this movie Day the Earth Stood Still.
  • Why is Keanu called Klatuu? He's a MUCH different character (More like Neo, only doing things with his superpowers instead of being a useless lump for two money and time wasting sequels) So, like a `90's Godzilla, he's Klatuu in name only.
  • Was Prof Barnhart relevant? He's in one scene.
  • And, I know I was one among many who hated the very idea of Gort being absent from the movie, but... Gort did not belong in this movie. His intro effects scream of being a late stage change in the production. If Klatuu's actual form would only frighten us, why does Gort have the meaty hands of a human, is that all the more alien you guys look? I doubt it. Lots of movies should sometimes cave to the fanboys, but now mistakes are being made by doing this (Gambit in Wolverine's origin of all places.).
  • I've been saying Gort this whole time, this pile calls him; G.O.R.T.... It stands for something... (behold my wikiknowledge) Genetically Organized Robotic Technology! Seriously, donate a buck a year to Wikipedia, they're a great resource for all this useless knowledge that keeps us from mass suicide do to culture-wide boredom.
  • BUT, In the theater, GORT in the silo thingy... Awesome visual. See I said something nice, but onto flaying this movie.
  • The President she works for must be the biggest dick and the dumbest loser in the universe. Aliens land, and he sends the Secretary of Defense. WAIT. You may be thinking, that was the same situation as in Transformers, but it isn't. In Transfomers a helicopter lands at a military base, shoots the hell out of the place, and then in short order goes after Air-Force One. That's safely in the hands of the SECDEF. But Klatuu, he asks to talk, even after having been shot. He ASKS TO TALK, and one of the dumbest character in the history of film says no. Way to kill the human race bitch!
  • She has the silliest line of the year. After multiple montages of mass evacuations and stock market crashes, the works. Kathy Bates says; "We don't want to start a panic."
I could go on and on... I'm bored bitching up this shit-fest, and I'll probably on my end of year list, say it's better than the Dark Knight... shit the commandments.. Sorry Dark Knight, can you forgive me Dark Knight? I'll say three Hail Rachel Dawes and pray the Utility Belt before I go to bed.

A few last thoughts on a movie I've been excessively hard on; If we throw out the names of the characters, it bears about as much resemblence to the original movie as E.T. did. The title does fit, and there are some good visuals of Gort.

I'd love this movie, but my wife thinks I hated it. I needed a Tums afterward. I really would love to be able to get past your wretched title, and the meaningless few minutes... minutes of crap and name service... that A) are the only things connecting it to the original, and B) made this movie crap, aside from Jr. I'm not going to bitch about Jaden Smith, he's 10 I'd rather bitch about what the adults were responsible for, like writing the most obnoxious kid since a problem child movie. I wanted Keanu to kick him off that little bridge. It was for the most part... kinda decent until I thought about it. This one just bugged me, especially with so many characters being really boneheaded, all the while it has some weird corporate assigned identity of being a remake of a movie that it's so barely connected to.

So, mostly I'm pissed at the wasted opportunity here. Remaking The Day the Earth Stood still could have been something very special. Whatever this movie was in the heads of the filmmakers, could have been too! But the amalgamation of those two ideas will befuddle me for a long time.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Redboxed: Step Brothers and Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Why did I rent two comedies? Is Judd Apatow the producer of EVERY comedy in Hollywood, are they just the ones that get released... I just don't get it, but I'm not that into comedy movies. I can't watch them, usually EVER again since it's very rare that I'll find it funny again. Some things work for me, and I can laugh over and over, and some don't. Most movies don't. Especially romantic comedies. I usually HATE romantic comedy. They're almost always the exact same movie.

Anyway, I'm not trying to bash on comedy here, they're... movies I don't OWN. Renting and comedy were made for each other, they're too bland for a big screen experience, and not rewatchable enough to own. Lets see, Do I even own any comedy? Does Arsenic and Old Lace count? The H2G2 TV series, and Happy Tree Friends... Action comedies like Rush Hour don't count either. Anyway, I'm bored, rambling and don't even care.
Step-Brothers: It's a comedy, and I laughed a lot. Kudo's for the Wookie masks and Heavy Metal poster.
Forgetting Sarah Marshall: I LOVE YOU! You were terreffic, written by human beings, instead of assembled from 10 year old color coded pages and assembled by chimpanzees*.
Oh, since I saw that Cujofn knows of this blogs exestence... If you saw this movie, wasn't the main character Jace? Well, Jace with my affection for the Muppets. So, yea! Thatnk you people who made Sarah Marshall!

*Tangent: Not in either of these movies, but something I saw recently, I honestly forget what it was, it was on TV, and it wasn't old... It had wierd cell phone related dialouge. The guy had a little modern phone, but was talking about it like it was... special. Not iPhone special. No, the dialouge was in the vein of 'It's 1995 and I have a cell phone!' special. I know scripts sit around, many times for years, but that needed a re-write... BADLY.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Favoritest Movies of 2004

2008 has been dominated by talk of Christian Bale as a winged force for good in a near perfect movie, and that perfectly describes a movie I do love so dearly. 2004 gives us the longest list yet... As usual, the blue means they're in the running for "Favorites of the decade", a semi final before favorite ever, and Red means 'I guess I just don't like you very much.' Blue movies score in the 80th percentile in their year... At the time I had a lot of love for Spider-man 2, but Spider-man doesn't age as well and some movies with better sequels. The big personal surprises is how much I do like Ella Enchanted, Anne Hathaway, Cary Elwes... gobs of effects, it makes fun of fairy tales, F*ck it even has Eric Idle and Queen and Elton John covers. 49% on Rotten tomatoes can kiss my... Oh well.

  1. Howl's Moving Castle
  2. The Incredibles
  3. Hellboy
  4. Ella Enchanted
  5. Spider-Man 2
  6. Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow
  7. Godzilla Final Wars
  8. I, Robot
  9. The Aviator
  10. The Phantom of the Opera
  11. Collateral
  12. The Chronicles of Riddick
  13. National Treasure
  14. House of Flying Daggers
  15. Team America: World Police
  16. Alien vs. Predator
  17. Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid
  18. Hero (Jet-Li)
  19. Kinsey
  20. Welcome to Mooseport
  21. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
  22. Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle
  23. Steamboy
  24. The Terminal
  25. Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence
  26. Jersey Girl
  27. The Day After Tomorrow
  28. The Girl Next Door
  29. Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
  30. Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
  31. Bride and Prejudice
  32. Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed
  33. Dawn of the Dead
  34. Ginger Snaps 2: Unleashed
  35. Mindhunters
  36. Shaun of the Dead
  37. Night Watch
  38. Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events
  39. Saved!
  40. Million Dollar Baby
  41. Starsky & Hutch
  42. Kill Bill Vol. 2
  43. The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie
  44. Troy
  45. The Punisher (T Jane)
  46. EuroTrip
  47. Garfield: The Movie
  48. 50 First Dates
  49. Laws of Attraction
  50. Meet the Fockers
  51. King Arthur
  52. 13 Going on 30
  53. The Butterfly Effect
  54. The Stepford Wives
  55. Van Helsing
  56. Blade: Trinity
  57. Resident Evil: Apocalypse
  58. Shrek 2
  59. The Manchurian Candidate
  60. Closer
  61. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
  62. Shark Tale
  63. Saw
  64. The Grudge
  65. Fahrenheit 9/11
  66. The Village
  67. Catwoman
  68. The Whole Ten Yards
  69. Alexander
  70. Super Size Me
  71. Unleashed (aka Danny the Dog)
  72. What the #$*! Do We Know?!
Legend: Onto the next Round! In the middle. I do NOT enjoy.

The horrible part of 2004 was what passed for documentaries. I went to see Fahrenheit 9/11 in the theater. I even bought "Dude Where's my country." A chapter in that book really chapped my ass. Michael Moore, in one chapter rails against the Horatio Alger myth. For a guy who's worth, millions, one website has him worth 50 million, but they hate him... Anyway, even if he's worth 10%... he could by my family as slaves. I'm glad he's enjoyed that kind of success, and it makes him the last person in the world to say it can't happen.
Then we got that anti-McDonalds docu-mercial tripe. See, we all know fast food is bad for us. But, when you and your anti-meat girlfriend are picking on the burger place... it seems a little wrong. Both of these one viewing ever wonders though pale
.. PALE next to the WORST MOVIE EVER. Wait, it's NOT A MOVIE. It's... something, it has video and audio, and that's about it. It certainly isn't a documentary... What the Bleep advertises itself as some quantum physics documentary, and is an advertisement for some Ramtha religion. It shouldn't even be on this list. It disgraces everything it touches. You want to sell me on Ranthma, take it from the door to door guys; Offer a flyer, say "Would you like to know more about Ranthma?" and then go on your way. Misrepresenting your movie and me paying $5 at Blockbuster is WRONG!!! Put your message on Youtube, Voeh but don't make me pay FIVE DOLLARS expecting something that wasn't AN AD! What the BLEEP indeed, to paraphrase Kieth Olbermann; What the Bleep, 2004's WORST MOVIE IN THE WORLD!!!!"

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Favoritest Movies of 2005

I'm going to probably continue this series of posts until I run out of movies... On New Years Eve, 2004, I popped in the DVD of the original Transformers the movie, timed for Victor Caroli to say at the stroke of midnight "It is the year 2005..." But, I know everyone did that. If you think it "loserish", well... WTF am I supposed to do on New Years, my wife's usually asleep by 10, the kids are away at the grandparents... so eh, WTH.
As for the list, There was never any doubt. See, these list surprise even me. Happy Feet was a surprise. Each movie goes head to head with every other movie in a spreadsheet. point totals are turned into percentiles and voilĂ  movies emerge at the top. Some years are a race for second or third. Colossus: The Forbin Project WILL top 1970, probably followed by Patton, but I won't get ahead of myself, since the past in retrospect is further ahead, the farther back you look. Anyway, this was a year with a Star Wars movie, and it wasn't 1999... that one will be interesting since... Um... I DO enjoy and love the Phantom Meanace, but 99 is a HEAVY year. I came up with 50 movies though for 2005, and Disney's botched H2G2 didn't bottom the list. Blue is coming to mean, will be in the running for All time fav... Red is, I don't like you.

  1. Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith
  2. TIE: Serenity
  3. TIE: Good Night, and Good Luck.
  4. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
  5. Mr. & Mrs. Smith
  6. Batman Begins
  7. Kingdom of Heaven
  8. Constantine
  9. Syriana
  10. March of the Penguins
  11. Sin City
  12. Memoirs of a Geisha
  13. War of the Worlds
  14. King Kong
  15. Fantastic Four
  16. Chicken Little
  17. Corpse Bride
  18. Walk the Line
  19. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
  20. Kung Fu Hustle
  21. The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3D
  22. Lord of War
  23. The Island
  24. Mysterious Island
  25. Aeon Flux
  26. Madagascar
  27. Sky High
  28. MirrorMask
  29. The Aristocrats
  30. The 40-Year-Old Virgin
  31. Flightplan
  32. Fever Pitch
  33. Stealth
  34. Doom
  35. Sahara
  36. Rent
  37. Zathura
  38. Hoodwinked
  39. Robots
  40. The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
  41. Wedding Crashers
  42. The Ring Two
  43. Saw II
  44. The Dukes of Hazzard
  45. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
  46. H.G. Wells' War of the Worlds
  47. Son of the Mask
  48. TIE: Monster-in-Law
  49. TIE: A Sound of Thunder
Legend: Onto the next Round! In the middle. I do NOT enjoy.

See, I learned there are worse things then majorly raping Douglas Adams, and they were seriously devestating Ray Bradbury, mixing J-Lo with Jane Fonda, and other really bad movies.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

The (More belated) Favoritest movies of 2006 list!

Looking back on a year of movies where... screw that, cutting to the meat... FOUR way tie and one of them is HAPPY FEET. FUCKING HAPPY FEET!!! Well... In a word... Yes. Given the choice of who do I like more... Bond, V, Supes or those itty bitty cutesy oh so adorable penguins... I... I CAN'T choose just one of those movies!!! Maybe a different lineup will give them some space on an all time list. Happy Feet won't fare as well against the Lion King as Casino Royale will. But in 2006, I discover their were four deserving of the crown, and a Crown, I realised a lot of love for (Number 6, tied with Children of Men.) Making a list of the top of my head, I would have never listed that movie... But it was really kick ass, and very touching and comfortable... An all around great movie.
  1. TIE Superman Returns
  2. TIE Happy Feet
  3. TIE Casino Royale
  4. TIE V for Vendetta
  5. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
  6. TIE for 6th: The Queen
  7. TIE for 6th Children of Men
  8. TIE for 8th Underworld: Evolution
  9. TIE for 8th Zoom
  10. An Inconvenient Truth
  11. The Departed
  12. The Good Shepherd
  13. Night at the Museum
  14. Monster House
  15. Snakes on a Plane
  16. Mission: Impossible III
  17. Curious George
  18. Eragon
  19. Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties
  20. Cars
  21. Pan's Labyrinth
  22. Man of the Year
  23. Ultraviolet
  24. Final Destination 3
  25. Over the Hedge
  26. Borat
  27. The Da Vinci Code
  28. Scary Movie 4
  29. Flyboys
  30. Open Season
  31. The Prestige
  32. X-Men: The Last Stand
  33. Silent Hill
  34. Nacho Libre
  35. Charlotte's Web (2006)
  36. The Sentinel
  37. United 93
  38. Talladega Nights:
  39. Stranger Than Fiction
  40. World Trade Center
  41. Lady in the Water
  42. Saw III
  43. Clerks II
Legend: Onto the next Round! In the middle. I do NOT enjoy.

Friday, December 12, 2008

The (belated) Favoritest movies of 2007 list...

I meant to do this a long while ago, but, I'll be honest, I'd do these charts by hand, I just learned over the summer how to do them in a spreadsheet... and now I'm addicted to Excel.

This is not a BEST list... There are great movies that I never want to see again. Too many movies to give it a second viewing, so, like on this list, movies like that suffer. Juno, while a darn good film, is punished by the fact that channel flipping is more appealing than rewatching Juno. One of the things that motivates me to make more of these lists is that it could save me lots of money, since the things towards the top of these lists oddly line up with being DVD's I watch again and again, and 80% of my DVD collection is this pile of aluminum and polycarbonate discs that occupy cases that do little more than accumulate dust. By my guess, lists like this could prevent my from having another 200-300 DVD dustcatchers. Sure, there's some I never watch but love having; thinking of Master and Commander there, just for that mood of wanting it on tap. But, I'm never watching American Beauty in my life, ever again. At this moment, looking forward, if I had all of the infinate future of the univers before me, I'd never watch American Beauty ever again. If you just thought" It won best picture..." Look in the $5 bin of DVD's at Wal-Mart right now. You can find all sorts of Best Picture noms and winners. That award is almost so detached from the art form in some cases in recent years it's very revalance is questionable. Well, maybe Wall-E will win this year. As for 2007... I thought that the Oscar winning No Country for Old Men was my most hated movie.. nope, not it of Spiderman 3... I learned what movie I hated the most last night... and I hadn't thought about the movie between turing it off, and last night. Onto the list:

  1. Stardust
  2. 300
  3. Transformers
  4. The Man From Earth
  5. Meet the Robinsons
  6. Charlie Wilson's War
  7. Aliens Vs. Predator - Requiem
  8. Balls of Fury
  9. Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium
  10. National Treasure: Book of Secrets
  11. Enchanted
  12. 3:10 to Yuma (2007)
  13. TMNT
  14. The Golden Compass
  15. TIE Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
  16. TIE Hitman
  17. Ghost Rider
  18. Surf's Up
  19. The Last Mimzy
  20. Pathfinder: Legend of the Ghost Warrior
  21. Michael Clayton
  22. TIE Beowulf
  23. TIE Resident Evil: Extinction
  24. TIE Next
  25. The Astronaut Farmer
  26. The Mist
  27. Dragon Wars
  28. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
  29. TIE 30 Days of Night
  30. TIE Elizabeth: The Golden Age
  31. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
  32. TIE I Am Legend
  33. TIE The Kingdom. From here down, I probably just don't like you... or just never need to see you EVER again.
  34. Lions for Lambs
  35. Underdog
  36. Alvin and the Chipmunks
  37. Juno
  38. TIE Ratatouille
  39. TIE Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
  40. TIE Across the Universe
  41. Knocked Up
  42. The Simpsons Movie
  43. Live Free or Die Hard
  44. Fred Claus
  45. Epic Movie
  46. Blades of Glory
  47. Spider-Man 3
  48. Shrek the Third
  49. TIE Rush Hour 3
  50. TIE Bridge to Terabithia
  51. The Brave One
  52. No Country for Old Men
  53. Superbad
  54. 28 Weeks Later
Legend: Onto the next Round! In the middle. I do NOT enjoy.

The top four movies that came up at the top of this list, I noticed, I'd place their poster art in this blog's banner... Well, I guess I proved to me what I like.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Redboxed: The Dark Knight

Okay, okay, I know the 10 commandments...
I) There is no greater movie than The Dark Knight, thou shall not place any other movie before he.
II) Thou may only purchase officially licensed Dark Knight products, and may not have licensed products of any other movie.
III) Do not use the name The Dark Knight in vain.
IV) Keep The Dark Knight's theatrical opening days and DVD release dates holy.
V) Honor Batman Begins and purchase it on DVD or Blue Ray if you have not done so already.
VI) Thall shall not kill.
VII) Thall shall not view any other movie.
VIII) Thall shall not steal the Dark Knight.
IX) Thall shall not disparage The Dark Knight to others.
X) Thall WILL Covet the Dark Knight.

Okay, VI and VIII I definitely agree with, but I rented it, so... where is that... that's like paying to borrow. But, I'll try, TRY to heed The Dark Knight's mighty word. But, in the spirit of full disclosure, I'm still a Dark Knight skeptic. On my way to being a Dark Knight atheist. Was there a cup of cool-aide I missed? Right, heed the commandments.... okay, I will. But... I have some questions.

1) After Batman dives out the window for Racheal, how is it that the ever to this point meticulous Joker and his squad fail to notice the long bar closing two doors. It's in the hallway right there, like not 20 feet from him. For those that would argue the distance or visibility of the closet, I'll cede that point, but it still doesn't answer why they don't search every room on at least that level. The Joker has a Hans Gruber like control of that situation, and Harvey Dent is trapped...

2) If Batman has a plan to capture the Joker with the Deus Ex Machina phone gadget, why is he going to burn all that crap and surrender. It's all locked up shut down, but then he's more Bat-suits on tap...

3) Why didn't Gordon or Batman TELL Two-face that they wanted to save her, not his ass...

4) Where was the Leauge of Shadows in this movie? Where was the rest of Gotham?

I gave it a second chance. I'll wind up watching it again probaly with the rest of the family. So, I love how well this movie is shot, I do. Chicago looks BEAUTIFUL. The music's good, there's good dialouge. But I'm not converted. I've not a drop more love or even liking to give this overzealously overexalted movie. It's more GTA than Batman. I don't care for GTA at all.

Monday, December 08, 2008

Redboxed: Prince Caspian and Wanted

I have zero aspirations of ever being a film critic. Blogging has killed criticism, and unfortunately left us with a droning homogenized mass herd of one note ideas... like the company created opinion of the Dark Knight. WB did the most amazing job creating this unquestioned love for a movie people hadn't seen! ... Ya, The Dark Knight DVD is looming, and I want to see it again. I want to hate it... I think. The Dark Knight is such an overrated pile of poo... Pile of Pooh. The Dark Knight takes bags of Pooh stuffies and rips their heads off poos in them and piles up the Poohs. I like Pooh. Is Pooh Disney? Are there multiple Pooh. Like, Pooh was written by someone else, and then Disney took hold of it... Like Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. I LOVE H2G2! But not their version. they destroyed it. I guess if you hadn't read the books or were familiar with it in any way prior it wasn't AS bad. Well, this bit of typing is a waste of time, since I don't really care to acknowledge whatever movie I'm supposed to be mentioning...

Oh, I did see a good movie!
Hello... I just may love you. A cornflower blue tie from Fight Club, CHECK, Red Stapler ala OfficeSpace, Check! Gun-fu mixing it up with a chosen one constituting a remake of The Matrix, You it's there. Add a bit of Star Wars and it's like a Best movies of 1999 Mix Tape. Well, okay the pinch of Star Wars isn't of the 1999 vintage, it may be of an earlier vintage.

You... You may prompt a best of the Year so far list...

Where did you rank?

Well, I did a spreadsheet comparing each movie to every other movie I've seen this year, and Currently....

Wanted comes in fourth place.
  1. WALL-E
  2. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
  3. Iron Man
  4. Wanted
  5. Star Wars: The Clone Wars
  6. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
  7. Hellboy II: The Golden Army
  8. Quantum of Solace
  9. Mongol
  10. Kung Fu Panda
  11. The Incredible Hulk
  12. Hancock
  13. Journey to the Center of the Earth
  14. The Spiderwick Chronicles
  15. Cloverfield
  16. Get Smart
  17. TIE: Speed Racer / Dark Knight
  18. TIE Speed Racer / The Dark Knight
  19. The Forbidden Kingdom
  20. Tropic Thunder
  21. W.
  22. 10,000 B.C.
  23. The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
  24. The Love Guru
  25. Meet the Spartans
  26. Jumper
  27. Semi-Pro
  28. The Happening (This movie is guaranteed to be at the bottom, no matter how many movie I see... Ever. Battlefield Earth has company in movie Hell.)

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Great Redbox Catch up and Quantum of Solace.

Hadn't used this thing in awhile... Why? Eh, probably election coverage addiction. I'm over it. OMG, the election was exactly 28 days ago! I kid you not, I just kicked the Chris Matthews habit yesterday, deleted Hardball from the DVR... the season is OVER. Savage Dragon and Tina Fey WON, and I couldn't be happier. Plus we learned that all the candidates were Skrulls.

We did rent some movies in that time.
Scorpion King 2: I... (Sorry honey, I fell asleep)
Spiderwick Chronicles: Wow, a family fantasy that didn't suck.... Yea. Seriously I like you, you're faring well here.
Mongol: Terrific. SEQUEL!!!! MORE!!!
The Love Guru: Underrated. Seriously, I heard that this was the worst of the summer... Um... Nowhere close, since, I saw The Happening. This thing sucks BAD. Really. But Stephen Colbert is worth catching his parts on cable... They should have spent Love Guru money on a Tek Jansen movie.
Forbiden Kingdom: I'm sorry I don't remember seeing you. I know we did, but.... THIS IS WHY I STARTED THIS BLOG!
The Happening. Uwe Boll gets a bad rap. I never want to hear his name near the word "worst" ever again... Battlefield Earth had like one or two seconds of not sucking all the life out of your soul. I've never seen it, but I DOUBT Catwoman comes close. This is a real event. This MOVIE, is a miracle. Craps out, right out of the gate. It kills brain cells, space-time, personal integrety. Don't let this man anywhere NEAR Avatar the Last Airbender!!!!!
Kung Fu Panda: Good enough to wash The Happening out of your pants!
Kung Fu Panda Secrets of the Furious Five: A short that was worth the extra buck. Seriously. 20minutes, and it was worth the rent! Most of this list can't say that!
Like this NEXT piece of GARBAGE......
Fred Clause: The GOOD: I fell asleep. The rhetorically WORSE THAN DEATH: I woke up. One of the worst movies ever made. Period. If you loved Vince Vaughn in Swingers, then you'll want to bury your copy of Swingers in the back yard after this. I'm some new species of stupid for admitting to rent this. You could edit this and The Happening and the Love Guru all together, at random, and have a better movie than all three! BUT: Kevin Spacey, esp. in the Superman cape, keeps this garbage from being anywhere near The Happening.
BTW... Whe we watched the deleted scenes... there's a really.... REALLY long one, that would have had the movie make a skoosh more sense. Channel flipping would still have more of a plot.... Fuck... We've all seen Infomercials better than this!

Tommorow we're watching Prince Caspian.... My kids REFUSED to watch it. (I'm proud of them!)

Movie: Quantum of Solace
Casino Royal became my favorite bond movie, after a lifetime of loving Bond movies. Maybe I expected too much. You're good. Lots of good moments. I'll end up owning you, but never wanting you. You're less of a Bond than your predecessor. BUT.... Big BUT here... BUT, Tosca (the opera scene) RULED THE BONDIVERSE. It is one of the best scenes EVER in a Bond movie. And, it, to me, destroyed the movie. After this scene, is where the next movie MUST pick up. If it does, then this movie is redeemed. There's only one oil slick after the Tosca scene worth seeing. I know I sound hard on this movie, but when the kid down the street gets an A-... YEA! Great for them. When YOUR kid, the kid you LOVE with all your heart gets an A-... It's time to get to work on fixing what went wrong. We can still get this Bond into a hollowed out volcano base and keep the feel of the series. Quantum kicks Spectre's behind! To re-apply the quote of the year (from SNL) "FIX IT!"