I'm making the most definitive list of favorite movies ever.

For every year, I'm listing every movie I've seen and compare them all to each other asking one question; Which movie do I like more. Movies that score in the 80th percentile or higher, advance to the next round: Favorite of the Decade. After each Decade is done, an All Time list will be formed.

Friday, April 29, 2005

Movie: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy has this to say about the Disney release of the modern filmic adaptation of the novel / television series adaption of the radio series "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy". Every concern and care has been taken to provide contemporary and sensitive American audiences, who tend not to recognize their own library card, with an easy and un-thought-provoking ride through a universe as pedestrian as any Hollywood summer fare. Most cynicism has been abandoned in favor of wellsprings of conventional cinematic hope and other such sentimental tripe. Irreverence has been avoided, as to not spur fanatics who tend to avoid movie theaters, as they are typically dark and ask for money up front without making it tax deductible, from avoiding the movie. Most guide entries and other spurts of non linear storytelling have also been nicely culled from this work, making it a more pedestrian and costly affair The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy...

So doesn't that make this the Encyclopedia Galactica?

Note:.... Does EVERY (almost every) Review on the web, think they're being creative by titling the review "Don't Panic".... sheesh... If it were a surprisingly faithful adaptation, the invocation would be apt, but with nearly every essence of the original stories gone... (Zaphod being such a violent prick... I don't even recall a gin and tonic ever being mentioned in the film..)

SPOILERS.... Oh, who cares, the film was spoiled by being released. I hate this thing.
I gotta Hitchhiker nerd out over a few things here.

So, I know that this series has changed with each incarnation, BUT, the story always made some sense, even with events flipped around and lines swapped between characters.

One example for right now.... The Dentrassi are never even mentioned.. so who let them on board the Vogon ship? The movie does clarify that Vogons are officious and bureaucratic. Why was Ford carrying a Babel fish in his pocket? Why is he trying to Hitch a ride with some other ship, while still in Earth orbit, wouldn't a vessel friendly to Hitchhikers pick them up instead of the Vogons... (No hyperspace trip to Barnard's star... so we loose the lines

Arthur Dent
What are you doing?

Ford Prefect
Preparing for hyperspace. It's rather unpleasantly
like being drunk.

Arthur Dent
What's so wrong about being drunk?

Ford Prefect
Ask a glass of water.

.... What a waste.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

I hate this...

I had at one point thought about bitching about the Gencon organization... why bother. Our family enjoyed Star Wars Celebration. But heres a thought on Geekdom;

Don't be a geek. Society says geeks don't get laid.
Be normal and get married. (Society says married guys don't get laid...)

Oh WAIT.... Now Dave Letterman has a Top 10 List saying Star Wars fans are LOOSERS!!!

I have Answers!!!

Letterman Top Ten - Questions 2 Ask Yourself Before Camping Out To See Star Wars

10. Why don't I have anything better to do?

Please also ask that of the MILLIONS of people who went to see the Pope's Funeral, the stain on that Chicago underpass, any proffessional sport, any political rally, everyone surfing the internet or even watching late night television. We're all people, looking for something to do on a boring ball of wet dirt. David Letterman should appreciate the money he's made from breaking up the monotiny of life!

9. How many Wookies does my tent sleep?

My tent isn't secure to put into a tree, Wookies should provide their own tent.

8. Will it be more fun than when I camped out to see Miss Congeniality 2?

Yes, you won't be so alone. ($3,055,304 opening day, on 3,183 screens, that's $960 per screen that day... so like less than 2 dozen were in the theatre you saw it in... )

7. Exaclty when did I give up on doing anything meaningful with my life?

After you did Dave, I have a gap in my teeth too, but the posting for reading top ten lists is filled.

6. Will I be teased by roving gangs of Trekkies?

Only if we call the Trekers Trekkies.

5. If I use all my vacation days now, how will I take that trip to ice plant Hoth?

Well... the "Hoth" scenes were filmed in Norway. You CAN go there.... "Finse 1222"
The Hotel, is now a six star resort, PROUD that Empire was filmed there.

4. Does Starbucks let guys dressed as Galactic Bounty Hunters use their bathroom?

The second of Starbucks 6 guiding principles on their mission statement is "Embrace diversity as an essential component in the way we do business." That means yes, they're more open minded than YOU!

3. I wonder how many other guys on line are names 'Shecky'?

So what that Shecky Greene guest hosted the Tonight Show... don't drag Star Wars into it!

2. Should I just pay the extra dollar and use moviefone?

Actually, I did.

1. If I had a girlfriend what would she think?

If I had a girlfriend, I would be castrated and penectomized by my wife.

I have learned one thing from this. Don't wait in any line to ever see David Letterman. It's not that I want to be as whining as everyone else in this pathetic culture has become. But unless it involves alchohol in this country... you're not one of the cool people. In college they tell you to write at a fourth grade reading level. The reason is apparent, emotionally, none of us ever got out of the fourth grade. I'm right there with everyone else here... In the fourth grade I loved Star Wars and Transformers, and I'm damn proud to still love 'em. This whole country would be a lot better if you didn't think your childhood was something you had to forcibly sever from your life. Kepp what you enjoyed about it, and keep in mind how stupid you were a great deal of the time...

You can make fun of Star Wars / Trek / Comic Book / Sci-Fi Geeks when you make fun of ALL GEEKS!!!!! Sports Geeks, God Geeks, Jesus Geeks, Sex Geeks, Car Geeks, Beer Geeks... ALL OF THEM!!!!

shoe geeks, news geeks, beltway geeks, trivia geeks, home improvement geeks (junkies), camera geeks, pet geeks, diet geeks, excercise geeks.... there is nothing that anyone can enjoy and not be a geek about it!

I live in a culture of idiots. I can't go a day without hearing shit like this... or about the culture wars. The culture wars get to pick up guns and bombs and start drawing lines in the sand and killing each other, raping the women and killing the children, leaving burnt cities behind them. If the thought of that turns your stomach, don't participate in the "Culture wars"... If, you are willing to die and moreover kill over shit like Howard Stern, put yourself in an orange jumpsuit and swim to Gauntanamo Bay. America has a place for your kind.

Friday, April 15, 2005

Movie: Sahara

The Slim Fast beverages came out with a 0 calorie Slim Fast about a year ago... made with Splenda... A Slim Fast Lite, if you will. They also made a compromise, half lite version... it was 50% lite... Called Slim Fast Optima... (sounds like a long distance plan).... Well, Sahara is James Bond Optima. Chinsy on the thrills... take a run to pee at the wrong second and you'll miss why the plot matters to anyone besides Dirk Pitt... though the Merovingian is far more threatening to Palmer (Mmmmm Contact, I love that movie) than he was to Neo.

Am I bitching about this piece of mediocrity... Yes. I should say SOMETHING NICE.

This is without a doubt, Penelope Cruz's BEST movie I've seen!!!!!! (She really wasn't in much of Blow..)

Rainn Wilson took me out of the movie as much as some of the bad writing did. I'm not familiar with his work really, but he's on the office, and I hate Dwight. If any character needs to be tossed off the building or shreeded into dog-food by a disgruntled co-worker it's going to be Dwight.

Open Letter to ALL ACTRESSES of note; REFUSE to perform these stupid tired cliche's... It's bad enough a heavy has a gun on our unarmed hero in a scene... we know a surprise cohort will kill the heavy, I'm sick of this one..., BUT she fires the machine gun, and in the reaction shot is SHOCKED to see a gun in her hand. What shit. I though James Cameron and Ridley Scott cured us of silliness and women gun usage in action movies. No one laughs, nor is it entertaining. It takes up frames painting the character as worthless cardboard. I'm not going to go into every cringe inducing moment the female lead was given in this movie... KUDOS though for not having an OBLIGITORY BITCH BATTLE... Those almost always suck. I'm not opposed to women fighting in movies, I'm oppossed to them being required to fight the villian's girlfriend.

Van Helsing was so bad, they had the women fight in the women's bathroom... well it looked like a bathroom... Death by sofa.... (Last years movie, and I can't stop crabbing....)

Sahara... On ANY scale: Middle. 3/5, 5/10, one thumb up... unenthusiaticly... Worth the ticket... Eh... kinda, it'd been a better $2 show.... Sold me a DVD... probably not, but I'd like to see Raise the Titanic again now....

(At this point, The BEST movie of the year is Sin City... Worst is Robots... Favorite looks like Constantine... maybe him and Sin City are very close. Episode 3 and HHGTTG are on the horizon... these flicks will fade from memory fast.

Saturday, April 02, 2005

Galactica Finalie....

Oooooooooooooh... nice. MMMmmmmm Enterprise, please have a finale hale that good. Galactica, come back soon... (July). Lucas.... Own up. Sci-Fi TV can work now. The rules are new. Sci-Fi Channel knows them. X-Files helped re-write the book, as did Star Trek TNG. The art has evolved and matured. Star Wars can come to TV, and be good. Galactica proves that there's room for plenty o space opera... Farscape too.... Where's Trek going now that the party has gotten interesting? To sleep on the couch like the old man of the room it is... but there's still love there, when Trek wakes up from it's nap, it'll hopefully be well rested.

TV - X-Play and other G4 rants.

No more Adam.

Dear G4, What are you thinking? Lets face it, X-Play is the reason you bought the Tech TV network, and destroyed it. X-Play is, if you even like videogames, one of the best shows on TV. Adam Sessler was the heart of that show... I don't know waht's going on behind the scenes, but if this is an attempt to get the viewers of X-play to watch just another half hour of G4, you should have made new X-Play episodes an hour long. If this is what Adam wants, well we love him.... If this was some coperate goons idea, it will haunt you. Please don't do Adam Sessler the injustice you commited upon Martin Sargent. I wasn't a fan of Mr. Sargent, but the way you killed his show didn't seem cool.

Oh, KUDO's to Icons for spotlighting Frank Miller!!!!!!! Do More about Comics!!!!!!!!!


This SUCKS...

I just lost 45 minutes of typing on the ROTS GN to the pop up blocker......

Movie: Sin City

Ouch... I'd said... I'd had FAITH, that this may be the best comic adaption of all time... This is complicated.

I was not a "fan" of the Sin City Graphic novels. I really enjoyed the first one. I just didn't get into the others. Now I love Non-spandex comics, I wish they outnumbered superheroes 10-1, and that we still had the same number of spandex floppies on the shelf as we did 13 years ago. I wish they were all as good as Watchmen and FM's 300... but that's heaven, Japan may have those numbers, but as Manga publishers are discovering, quality is always rare.
Sin City is a REALLY good movie. VIOLENT, IRREVERANT, BRUTAL, and BEAUTIFUL. And I liked Constantine so much more... Constantine was a better movie...? I don't know... apples and oranges. I'll buy both. I hope for awesome multi disc presentations of both, exaustive bonus and behind the scenes material on both. But lets face it... Sin City is like Rocketeer and the Crow, so so so close to the comic, they are exactly as good as the comic, and in Comic Book Movies.... "General, would you care to step outside?" is THE moment to beat. Now that Christopher Reeve is gone... no not gone, passed into legend, it may be impossible to top as sheer perfection.
Mr. Rodriguez, and all the other true filmakers in Hollywood... keep going for it!

Worth Price of Admission: Yea. Hell Yea, but maybe not twice.
Dvd sold: Oh yea!!! 2-3 disc set MANDITORY. BUT, it NEEDS some of those great troublemaker 10 minute schools, and AT LEAST one on cooking. Plus, any live footage of bands at the wrap party....