It must be boring and hot in the burbs... probably going to do a Borders run in a bit... wander around a bookstore wishing it were more quiet than it is. But, as I'm stalling on that, it was a good time to catch up on some movie trailers. We used to have to pay to see these things in front of movies we couldn't care less to see. Now we just need Quicktime. I, like a whorish bitch downloaded Quicktime 7 JUST FOR the...
Ghost Rider trailer. This one is already stinking up the place. Why, why a star? I love Nicholas Cage... but he's NOT a box office draw... frankly he's too good of an actor to be. National Treasure, Gone in 60 Seconds, Matchstick Men... Fuck. His movies shoot out right, left, sideways and crooked at all types of different audiences. So, you take a movie, lets be honest, and FX Horror / Comic book movie... and plug a STAR into the lead role of FLAMING SKULL FOR A HEAD? He's NOT supposed to look like a star... he's supposed to be a FLAMING SKULL. Changing back and forth is... OK. BUT, this movie will live and die buy the amount of time that skull head is on screen. Don't be cheap... your trailer looks cheaper than a fan film.
A Sound of Thunder: I've been waiting for you. Fuck me. ANYTHING I liked in print, has FUCKED me this year on screen. This thing has been hosed with the uncreative juice... doesn't even look like the same movie we saw trailers for a couple of years ago... but, hey, it might still have a chance, I mean, if ANACONDAS : THE BLOOD ORCHID can be good... anything can be right? Moving on...
Thumbsucker: I didn't make it up, it has to be an indie flick. Indie alert! But, Neo is an orthodontist, and (lemme to be the first to say) the era of Swingers is dead. You hear me Keypunch, the age is over... Vince Vaughn... plays a High School teacher. If you're allergic to idies, this one will go right past you... If you're a fan of Swingers... I'm talking to at leat one out there... go to apple and look at it.
The Exorcism of Emily Rose: Ooooo science can't work cause the DEVIL is REAL. I loved Constantine... Devils Advocate, even the Excorsist. I hate "Based on a True Story" What CRAP. IF it were based on a true story, then the title would be The Exorcism of Anneliese Michel. Of course her real story has a "Demon" who says he's Hitler, speaking with the wrong accent, and a bunch of clergy and her parents serving time for starving her to death in her bed, since they were freaked out apparently by the movie "The Exorcist". This movie doesn't look to be any of that. Based on a True Story... my ass.
Just Like Heaven: Oh crap... I should just quit now. It's Ghost... but with singles. What is this, Church? Fuck. Thanks Mel Gibson. Quick, greenlight a movie based off Prescious Moments figurines.
The Chumscrubber: Indie alert. Great cast. The Kevin Bacon Game has to be down to like 4 degrees after this one. Looks like the plot is more agnst about having a great life in white suburbia. If I could afford to live here, I wouldn't have any agnst at all. Looks.... boring.
Barnyard. I'm done. I can't take anymore. I know, and Nick Films kids CG cartoony flick... BUT if your combination of Kleenex spared man juice and one that missed making a splash on a Kotex, are old enough to sit, for over 30 minutes in a dark movie theater, and don't KNOW THAT COWS, that give MILK are NOT BOYS, as in NOT MALE. Then you are a waste of a parent. Please use birth control.
So, the parents who would raise small children to find Barnyard funny, are pretty much the ones in Chumscrubber, the demographic that Just Like Heaven and even The Exorcism of Emily Rose are trying to reach. Fuck it. Maybe Ghost Rider and A Sound of Thunder won't be that bad at all.
Oh in Ghost Rider... Peter Fonda is the devil. Nice. Too young to know who the hell he is... it's okay, the bike is purdy.
No comments:
Post a Comment