I'm making the most definitive list of favorite movies ever.

For every year, I'm listing every movie I've seen and compare them all to each other asking one question; Which movie do I like more. Movies that score in the 80th percentile or higher, advance to the next round: Favorite of the Decade. After each Decade is done, an All Time list will be formed.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Redboxed: Jumper

What a piece of. Complete. Utter. Unforgivable. My wife and I were fighting over who need to apologize more for wanting to rent it, since it was a mutual decision. With a running time of 24:256:35:13 and some odd seconds... Who made this pile? Oh Jeeeeeeze... Hold on I'm still recovering from this...

There's a category of films, that should now be given a name; movies with almost nothing but good poured into them, but none of the good bits ever gel together so they end up being all bad.

See, Jumpers... good concept. Paladins, also good. The list is even a little larger than that, jarring location jumping, movie about teleporters, blurring morality lines having you root for teleporting bank robbers over murdering, torturing religious zealots with a piety mountain wedged up hind their crotch.

As they peeled all these lovely potatoes, making the stew of this movie, some mold grew of; abusive father, childhood crush grew up to be insanely hot, a depthless sidekick, and we lost all semblance of scenes having any reprocutions after we've cut away from them in the first act. This movie could have been the Highlander of this decade. Instead, it's another of those packed with good, but something has made it unwatchable. We'll call these movies Jumpers.

Oh, I never said what made it so bad? Okay, try a kid asumed dead, but not, just some big plot dangly, yet he can teleport everywhere, so much that he makes a comment about "Why you walking..." later in the film, but he has a PASSPORT??? He walks through air ports with bags of cash... There are a billion questions in this movie. The 500,000,000 that pull you into the world of the jumpers, is what we mourn, the 500,000,000 WTF!!! Ruin it.

Suspension of disbelief is one thing, but movies need rules. Indiana Jones finds a UFO, and everyone survies waterfalls, fine, it's Indy, he survived going out of a plane in a raft. Banner gets angry, and Hulks out, PERFECTLY believable. These movies FOLLOW THEIR RULES!

Paladins have been fighting Jumpers since the middle ages... What did they do before electricty. Come on what was your weapon before? Were the paladins actually founded by jumpers, is there a group with a different power?

Indiana Jones took his potential to the max with a Fridge ride, but it's no different than the raft in temple.

Jumper fails to even see half of it's potential.

That's why it's a Jumper.

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