Movie: Indiana Jones and the Kindom of the Crystal Skull

Wow!

Loved it. Personally, it's my favorite Indy movie after Raiders.

Going to get spoilerriffic here...

SPOILER ZONE.

STOP READING, WAIT TILL AFTER YOU SEE THE MOVIE!

Ok, all clear? Good.
Cause I have NOTHING to do here, but rant about the people who are hating on this movie.

Directed by Steven "Close Encounters of the Third Kind, E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial War of the Worlds, Speilberg. And produced by George "STAR FRAKKING WARS" Lucas! They have this character they trot out from time to time, he goes on great adventures, like with God's box, magic rocks and Oh, Jesus' DIXIE CUP! So, why are aliens WRONG? Fuck, and NO, X-Files and National Treasure comparisons are ridiculous! Yes in both this and Nat-Tres2 They're after a city of Gold.... Gee, same as Road to ElDorado! So what? And theres and alien skull, with Hanger 51 ooooooo X-Filesy... National Treasure wouldn't have been a stain in it's mommy's feminine products without Indy to daddy it into this world. But, really what I can’t get a grip on is that almost the entire fan base of this flick has seen Spielberg do aliens, a lot, and Lucas do aliens, a lot. But in the movie about a guy who goes after an ark filled with ghosts, magical stones and cups o’ immortality, aliens are ridiculous?

So, what other myths are off limits to Indiana Jones? Why are aliens wrong, and Jesus’ accessories are okay?

MAKE MORE INDY MOVIES!

SHIA RULES!

Redboxed: Rush Hour 3.

Thank you. I was wondering why No Country for Old Men won an Oscar. Now I know.

Movie: Speed Racer

First, take a minute here...


Okay, see that? Now, on with...
They have some full episodes on Hulu, a fantastic site!... Every episode of Buck Rogers or the OLD Battlestar Galactica at yer fingertips! Hot DAMN! Anyway, in that intro we see racing, explosions and some primitive bullet time.

This movie has MORE racing with the Mach 6, an invention of the Wachowski's, then it does the Mach 5. It has SMALLER explosions than the cartoon, and NO BULLET TIME.

C'mon, you couldn't have made the opening of the credits of the movie like the cartoon, with a race, HUGE explosion and BULLET TIME, were you afraid the guys who made the first Matrix movie would get so pissed that they finally break out of the locker and crush your skulls for stealing their lives. At least you guys let them make a kick ass V for Vendetta.

So, why the Mach 6 at all? (It looks like you painted the Batmobile white.)

A:? The Mach 5 is a touring car.

Ok, If the Mach 5 is in fact a touring car, then why not have had the plot of the movie center on the middle race. or some larger trans-continental race. Maybe have the Mach-5 be the best car with the best gadgets. Have the villains trying to maybe steal the plans for the Mach 5.

Whatever, my kids loved it. Me... Meh. The Middle was an AWESOME speed racer movie. You could have had something really special if the Mach 5 HAD been something special.

Redboxed: Seeker and Sweeney

The Seeker: The Dark Is Rising
This is my new favorite movie ever and has replaced everything I've ever liked, and the problem with print is you can't hear sarcasm. This is just a Harry Potter knock off based on some Harry Potter knock of book from 1973. Oh. Crap. Uh... Never mind. Why'd you start with the second book? Well. After learning that, I've nothing more to say, other than, the lady who wrote this books, could see the future, and wrote stuff inspired by Harry Potter... twenty years early. We kinda thought the movie was bla...




Then we watched...




Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

How, How the FUCK can anyone sit through THREE hours of this? What did they cut, and why?

Sorry, just did not enjoy this. I love Depp. I usually love Tim Burton (Planet of the Apes... happy for you on the check clearing, but jeeze, that was... not necessary), and the number Epiphany kicked ass!

Actually, after looking through it, this was probably the best Sweeney Todd could be, since all the shit we hated, was the stuff that's usually in the story anyway, but, watching it, first exposure to the story ever, it sucked.

If you had done Cinderella, and I'd never known ANYTHING about Cinderella, I might cry Bullshit on the glass slipper... So Sweeney and crew, have had their feet really cut up by their glass slippers here. Sorry for not feigning worldliness and faking awareness of this thing. I can name Broadway shit like NASCAR shit... I live in St. Louis and we're not NASCAR or Broadway types...

Note: The spell checker will underline Broadway with a lower case "b", but doesn't know what NASCAR is. (it recommends spelling it PASCAL)

Movie: Iron Man

Iron Man
Is all about Thor. From the last line of the film, and if you left before the credits were over, sorry... this movie is all about Thor. Thor is not in this movie, mentioned in this movie... hinted to exist in this movie. Thor is nowhere but the slate of Marvel movies for 2009... along with Captain America and the Avengers.
Thor's MUCH more important than Iron Man.
See... The Avengers have been eternally a... LESS than interesting Super-Group, and this comes from a guy with the whole run of West-Coast Avengers. They're like the Justice Leauge whenever someone does a stupid Justice League without Superman Batman and Wonder Woman. Captain America is usually their biggest character...

Okay, lets difine size of a character: Growing up in the 70's/80's Spider-Man had a cartoon, Hulk had a Live action Show... BOTH of those chartacters had the other (cartoon and live action show) and Captain America had.. a motorcycle helmet. Superman and Batman were BIGGER characters. Espically Superman. And Wonder-Woman had a TV Show too.

So, as older people, Marvel's line up may seem to be second-tier characters, but, they don't HAVE to be. With the animated movies and the features, the tiers are collapsing, and shaking into new strata. My son LOVES Doctor Strange. Never read the comic, only saw the DVD movie. But that was enough. Iron Man will be above Wonder Woman in the Super-Hero pantheon by the end of the summer, and no longer a second tier character.

That's why it's all about Thor. Marvel's debut making the movies of their characters has taken the genre back to school, just by GIVING A SHIT!!!!!!!

This is what a spandex comic book movie can be like just by caring? Look at that poster, it looks like an old Wizard magazine mock up. Marvel is giving us Fanboy dreams!!!! But, even though their first outing was.... straight to the head of the class... it's all about Thor now.

You can make a wise ass Armored man cool... easy. Captain America, you could probably do in your sleep.... don't, but it doesn't seem hard when done by professionals... but how do you make Thor cool as Iron Man?

That's the test of your new studio Marvel. Not because Thor is some fav character of mine, he's far from it... really he's a tad... he's not the flavor I would chose. Okay, he's one of my least favorite marvel characters. So. Make me like him. Keep him from being lame. Please Make the weakest link in the Avengers line-up just as strong as Iron Man. Cause, with one line from Nick Fury, It's now all about Thor.

Went to return Charlie Wilson and I found...

Cloverfield
This wonderful Sci-Fi epic spoke to me. I mean, other sci-fi epics have given us lightsabers, FTL drives, flying cars, robots that look like Sean Young (fully functional )...
Wait... Okay, Can you fuck a replicant? Or did it just work since Deckard was a replicant? I mean, if it's fully functional with her girl parts, then THAT is the most impressive piece of Sci-Fi technology, but... oh, and communicators, and the Holo-deck on Star Trek. There are so many pieces of fantastic gear in Sci-Fi, but this... This camera is AMAZING!!!!

An HD camera with an amazing battery life, that's that durable, and has the easiest to clean lens EVER!!! Awesome Camera, and the light on it, barely even hurts the battery life, as in, no worries. It even has Infrared in some of the best quality I've ever seen, and the on camera mic, RECORDS IN DTS 6.1!!!!!! Awesome! I WANT this camera! Make it REAL!

I liked the movie too, except the cartoonish leaning building. All the other buildings crumbled, except that one, it was being held up by Jesus. Note to Jesus. Next time, hold the building with one hand, and kill the fucking monster with the other.

PLEASE MAKE A CLOVERFIELD 2.