Batman Begins: It's official, shiny new shovels should be flying off the shelves of Ace Hardware to bury the pieces of shit we smilingly accepted as Batman movies. In just eight years (89-97) we went from happy fanboys, gleeing at the sight of a bat-plane in front of the moon to screaming on the, by-then, old internet about bat-nipples, bat-crotch, bat-ass, and batacraperangs. In 1989, "Comic-Book Movies" were a rare treat. A dead one too. Superman got us some made for TV crap... Mostly the genre WAS TV. As far as big screen features... fuck.
We'd count anything as a comic book movie... Conan? So if a novel, becomes a comic book it's a comic book movie?... I'm still trying to figure it out... Robocop, an original film, has become a comic book movie... If that's the case, we should induct Star Wars, Predator, Alien, and Terminator into the pack. Unless you have to be a Marvel or DC title to BEE a CBM. The Star Wars still counts, but Hellboy is out. And Somehow MIB is in... This genre blows... And at some point needs to be defined so Star Wars, Road to Perdition, Mystery Men (oh lord...), Men In Black, Superman, and American Splendor are NOT all at the same table.
Typically when the discussion is; what's the best comic book movie... They mean Super-Hero movie. A "Super-Hero" is somehow obligated to posses fantastic characteristics. Luke Skywalker and Wong Fei Hong fit the definition, Batman never really has. His villains even have. All those decades sitting on the comic book rack, having the brains of Sherlock Holmes, the wealth of a Wal-Mart heir and the toys of James Bond, dressing like Darth Vader... Okay the character EVOLVED into that. The toys used to justify his place in the fantastic... That doesn't cut it anymore.
Watch the Discovery Channel when they have some military gear show on... Look how far Donald Trump is on the list of richest people in the world... Batman is a real world possibility. IF a billionare were fucking crazy enough to blow his money on military hardware and risk his life and well being saving people from muggings and gangsters. He'd probably run into problems with organized crime....
This movie rules. There are so many ways to fuck up sequels. Never forget why this flick rules.... Batman and his rogues Gallery are realistic, not fantastic characters!!! This bitch-slap to his villains works perfectly... The cast kicked MUCH ass. Gotham felt like a real place, not a claustrophobic movie back lot at night. I'm a huge fan of CGI's revolution in film... I look at shit on small back-lots in old movies, and it's like not being able to breathe.
All this rambling praise, and no, it's NOT the best comic book movie ever... Donner's Superman... (yes, I and his shit of II) and Spiderman II still reign, with X2 following close behind. BUT Batman is a better Movie. Best comic book movie and best comic book adaption are also different things... Best adaptions are like Crow, Rocketeer and Sin City... None of them have the General being asked to step outside, but damn, you felt like you were in the book.
So... After a 12 year reign as being the best Batman Movie, Mask of the Phantasm must step down... No, wait it refuses to leave... Okay it'll share the pedestal with Batman Begins... No wait... Phantasm stays on the pedestal, and is holding the mantle of best Batman flick HOSTAGE, demanding that Mark Hamill is the Joker in begins imminent sequel. Phantasm is still the best batman flick, only because the clown prince of crime and batman MUST be together in any "Best" caped crusader flick... Besides the title "Begins" just promises us more... It's obligated to deliver.
If you ever watch the Burton/Schumacher series... See them for what they really were, the logical evolution of the TV show. Big guest stars! Big names having fun, like a filmed costume party. Like when Liberace played Chandell in the original TV series.
Matt, the Bat isn't back. He's finally arrived.
Mr. & Mrs. Smith: I'm not going to think about it. It was soooooooo much fun. Angelina is possibly the most beautiful woman in any movie I've ever seen on the big screen. I love the car chase, the cast (notably the people who we only heard voices of...) I won't think about it cause after Batman was so believable... It does fall through a mess of plot holes... But I enjoyed. Just NEVER think about the movie, just look at it and turn the brain off. ANYONE ELSE: "But Paul, I said do that with (Insert Movie) and you argued that it was crap...." The damnedest thing is, yes (Insert Movie) WAS CRAP, and I was right about it. And you know this movie isn't crap. At no point in the theater did I have long enough to think past a plot hole when she flips her hair, bats her eyes has bare arms or Vince Vaughn says something cool. The script is witty. The Actors have charisma and chemistry and are BOTH pretty to look at. (Yes, Brad Pitt is pretty, men should admit it. If you saw that face in the mirror, you'd enjoy shaving more than you do now!!!!!) The Direction and Editing are also top notch. This film has MANY qualities of great films, and it's flaws require to much examination... fuck believability!
How... Why.... When talking with arrogant film nerds... Use this movie in your conversation, they will say it is crap for the reasons I won't mention. FUCK them! Explain that the film was not meant to be literal, but an allegory for marriage. No movie can truly show a functional married couple and show the true scope of their homicidal urges. They don't understand this because they've either not married or their marriage is on the brink of failure. Send the nerdish arrogant prick packing back to his lonely life, and recommend he rent Mr. & Mrs. Smith on the way home to Jerk off to the pretty person of their choice.
I hate most Hollywood romance movies, BECAUSE of seeing pretty people finding love... When they blow the hell out of each other with automatic weapons... I only morn for their gorgeous bathroom, and the LARGE pile of cash.
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