I'm making the most definitive list of favorite movies ever.

For every year, I'm listing every movie I've seen and compare them all to each other asking one question; Which movie do I like more. Movies that score in the 80th percentile or higher, advance to the next round: Favorite of the Decade. After each Decade is done, an All Time list will be formed.

Friday, April 15, 2005

Movie: Sahara

The Slim Fast beverages came out with a 0 calorie Slim Fast about a year ago... made with Splenda... A Slim Fast Lite, if you will. They also made a compromise, half lite version... it was 50% lite... Called Slim Fast Optima... (sounds like a long distance plan).... Well, Sahara is James Bond Optima. Chinsy on the thrills... take a run to pee at the wrong second and you'll miss why the plot matters to anyone besides Dirk Pitt... though the Merovingian is far more threatening to Palmer (Mmmmm Contact, I love that movie) than he was to Neo.

Am I bitching about this piece of mediocrity... Yes. I should say SOMETHING NICE.

This is without a doubt, Penelope Cruz's BEST movie I've seen!!!!!! (She really wasn't in much of Blow..)

Rainn Wilson took me out of the movie as much as some of the bad writing did. I'm not familiar with his work really, but he's on the office, and I hate Dwight. If any character needs to be tossed off the building or shreeded into dog-food by a disgruntled co-worker it's going to be Dwight.

Open Letter to ALL ACTRESSES of note; REFUSE to perform these stupid tired cliche's... It's bad enough a heavy has a gun on our unarmed hero in a scene... we know a surprise cohort will kill the heavy, I'm sick of this one..., BUT she fires the machine gun, and in the reaction shot is SHOCKED to see a gun in her hand. What shit. I though James Cameron and Ridley Scott cured us of silliness and women gun usage in action movies. No one laughs, nor is it entertaining. It takes up frames painting the character as worthless cardboard. I'm not going to go into every cringe inducing moment the female lead was given in this movie... KUDOS though for not having an OBLIGITORY BITCH BATTLE... Those almost always suck. I'm not opposed to women fighting in movies, I'm oppossed to them being required to fight the villian's girlfriend.

Van Helsing was so bad, they had the women fight in the women's bathroom... well it looked like a bathroom... Death by sofa.... (Last years movie, and I can't stop crabbing....)

Sahara... On ANY scale: Middle. 3/5, 5/10, one thumb up... unenthusiaticly... Worth the ticket... Eh... kinda, it'd been a better $2 show.... Sold me a DVD... probably not, but I'd like to see Raise the Titanic again now....

(At this point, The BEST movie of the year is Sin City... Worst is Robots... Favorite looks like Constantine... maybe him and Sin City are very close. Episode 3 and HHGTTG are on the horizon... these flicks will fade from memory fast.

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