I'm making the most definitive list of favorite movies ever.

For every year, I'm listing every movie I've seen and compare them all to each other asking one question; Which movie do I like more. Movies that score in the 80th percentile or higher, advance to the next round: Favorite of the Decade. After each Decade is done, an All Time list will be formed.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Movie: King Kong & Zathura (and Sky High)

(Note: Yet AGAIN, no comics of note have bothered to hit the shelves... well none on my pull list... depressing.) Oh, I guess it's time to blog about the big movie of years end... yay... I'm tired actually. I didn't get much sleep, I was at the midnight showing, it wasn't that crowded, but nicely near-full... why, well, when we got out the road conditions were horrible with snow and rain. No biggie.

--- That was all I wrote the morning AFTER seeing King Kong. ---

I dragged my heels on what to write about this movie since unlike a professional critic, I'll admit when I'm not sure. To friends, I've mentioned my likes (mostly the human cast, including Kong) and trivial bitches about the selection of the Dino cast. To cut to the chase there, Skull Island needed some stegosaurus action, and though the bat things do supply a rationale for how Kong deals with biplanes, I still would have preferred a pterodactyl. Ya, ya, Spielberg kinda took some of the air meant for those sails with the Jurassic movies. Big deal. Star Wars has space ships, should those be skipped in a Flash Gordon movie? We can take multiple scoops of the same, here's proof; network TV still exists and Rocky 6 is on the way.
I loved King Kong when I was a kid, the original most, but even the 76 version, and the Japanese versions. I wear my love for Star Wars on my sleeve, I'd be an evangelical Jedi if I didn't think they were kind of weird with the "No Love" rule and the baby abductions. But, my 12 inch Chewbacca figure got his bandoleer taken off and was King Kong to me, and the Chewbacca figure and all the other little figs... the scale worked out well. My father was 1 when the original came out, I was 1 in 76, my son is 3... There's a generational connection to Kong to me....

Interesting Side story: Turner Classic Movies was showing King Kong (`76) the night we went to the midnight showing. Aeighty Aight, my family and I were watching it, killing time until AA and I went to the movie. My daughter and I were going to U2 the next night, so my wife decides that she'll take our son to Kong that night. He couldn't go to the midnight showing with his sister since Wehrenberg Theaters hates small children after the sun goes down. 'Sokay Wehrenberg, the Galaxy is ugly (when was it designed 1984?) and your Imax is almost a waste, and I give you plenty of money regularly. Anyway, my son was begging, the next day, to NOT see King Kong. He loves Kong, but he thought that mommy was taking him to see the Jeff Bridges version... poor Flynn... After multiple reassurances, he agreed to trust mommy that she wasn't going to take him to the "Bad Kong". He loved the movie.

I did too... I guess. It's a good movie... I'm just blah on it.. right now. But, I'm kinda blah about a lot of things... Though, I'm almost hoping I see Munich on the 25th rather than Kong again. I know I'm growing to hate going to the movies... People suck, and so so does driving, waiting bites and wanting a DAMN SODA breaks me. For just under $7 you can get a box of 28 bags of Act II popcorn at Sam's. That's a bag for every day in February!

Other thought; Peter Jackson makes the best fantasies about places I'd never want to be... but they're bad places. His Skull Island is the worst place on Earth, one of the worst habitable environments ever in a movie. Not would I ever want to live in Middle Earth... Unless I were an elf. That might not be too bad...

Damn, I dwaddled so long to Blog about Kong. I had mixed feelings about the movie. It's great, but, Kong's a downer story... and the music was forgettable. Maybe I'm just down on another year gone by... And that I saw....

This movie sucks like Monica in the oval... and stinks like an old wet cigar wrapped in a fishy odor to boot! It was a TEDIOUS BORE. Why? Well, as a sequel to Jumanji, we know they're in NO DANGER... As a family movie, If those were my kids I'd be suicidal at what total whiny dicks both wastes of space were. The kids should have tossed the script back and played themselves, there's hints of them being more interesting people than the cardboard they were forced to play. I won't bitch forever about this thing... We saw it at the cheap show, but my 3yr old, who loved Kong, was BORED. BUT, there is redemption... Like Hitchhikers (So much worse than this flotsam) They used people in suits over CG, since some big chunk of net-holes think CG stuff is bad, like they're living in 1999... Only the Purple one is expected to be that. Anyone who looks at Kong, or the actors in Episode 3, and say CGI looks fake... Watch Zathura, and remind yourself of bad rubber aliens. Not Greedo good... think.... Lemme get a picture... Since I NEVER saw a still of the LIZARD men from Zathura, and I LOVE lizard men aliens. I really Do, If the Lizard men had been cool, I'd be raving about the movie since a cool Lizard man, like Bossk washes over a movie like the blood of Christ. Galaxy Quest level was what I was hoping for... Not much to ask?

This!!! is what they gave us!!! And that photo is nicely lit and retouched... They look no where near that good in the movie, Bossk and Greed had much more movement... Hell The GORN was a better lizard man. Can't even get a Fucking Lizard dude right 20 some years after V was on TV. Even ENTERPRISE knew what was up... Zathura is a DVD you'll buy for people you just don't like, but don't hate enough for Monster in Law or Guide....

On a positive note, I also got to see Sky High. That's good stuff, but, BUT, make sure the Incredibles is washed out of your eyes, since it LOOKS a lot more real, and well, rent Sky High for like a buck, it... It's good, don't get me wrong, but it.... you'll take this in a bad way, but I gotta be honest, if I had taken the family to a $50 trip to the movies, I'd be pissed and hate it....
Sky High feels like a TV pilot. It almost looks like one. It doesn't look good enough to be on Sci-Fi, but Galactica sets a high bar there... If it weren't fun, it'd probably be lame.

So, here's ending the year on 3 forgettable movies... Yes, I called Kong forgettable... it's a tribute piece... a 200 million dollar homage... remakes either eclipse or fall out of memory. King Kong did it's best thing before we ever saw it, it got the original out on DVD, and you know Peter Jackson would probably agree.

Well, I'll try to post before years end... maybe I'll get to see Munich, Syriana and Good Night and Good Luck...

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Merry Christmas***

***Sentiment does not apply if you are;
not keen on telling yourself fairy tales are true,
not financially able to spend tons of money on every acquaintance you ever make,
not one to send out silly cards to every address of someone you want favors or gifts from in the future,
not living in an area with a warm climate (Loving Christmas means you LOVE snow!!!),
not descended from colonial Americans,
single (Christmas is the time to tell the lonely they suck!),
gay (it is CHRISTmas... you know how they feel about that...),
accepting of anything scientific and logical,
literate,
a viewer of Comedy Central,
a Democrat,
a liberal,
intellectual,
materialistic (or capitalist I guess, though Christmas makes serious bank),
old (odds are you've had happier holidays, or are already excluded, so nothing anyone can say will make the season any better)
poor (Must spend money to participate)
Have a job which may cause you to work on the holiday (You're all going to Hell along with my wife, Doctors, Santa impersonators, disc jockeys, firemen, policemen...
(I almost can't go on with the list of who this Holiday excludes...

Christmas sucks, I hate it, and with all of these good reasons. If you're not an Anglo-Saxon family of suburban Caucasians adorned with perfectly white teeth, a cache of multiple siblings flying in from all across the country with everyone wearing new sweaters bought from a department store on the day you'll get a sweater bought from a department store where they were playing the same music you love listening to one day a year, this isn't your holiday! It's not mine either.

I've had some Christmas' I've enjoyed, they closer I was to playing into the stereotypical catalog photo spread of Christmas, the more you think you should enjoy them, you psyche yourself into it. Odds are, you don't fit into this holiday.

Me, I love people who work on the stupid day, and I love going to the movies. My SINGLE Holiday plan is to see King Kong on December 25th, AGAIN.

Next year, I'm going to invent a holiday, a rationalist holiday. Arbitrary Day. It will be any day between Thanksgiving and New Years eve. Any day you want it to be. Send out an Arbitrary Day card, and the day they get it, is the day it is. Want it in July, go for it. Only rule, only one day can be your Arbitrary day per year. If EVERYONE on the planet celebrated Arbitrary Day, every day would be Arbitrary day to 16 MILLION people!!!! Like Birthdays!

And have a Merry Humphrey Bogart's Birthday! (No one has to believe in Bogey, unlike Santa he just happened, whether you believe in him or not, like evolution... )

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Trailer: X-Men 3 Knee jerk reaction...

Green, TCFlogo, TCFlogo... music may be okay.... Ewww synth music something or other... anyway... Marvel logo...
The Right Stuff shot is of Colossus (YAY!!!!!!!!!) Kitty Pryde (best be banging Colossus!) Storm (Boo... Why does she have black streaks in her hair? Actually, it looks more real now, her hair color...) Iceman and Rouge... this smells like (IF GOOD, they're going to the danger room!!!, IF BAD, more Cerebro room shit...) Okay, I've never liked Cerebro, never lit my candles in the comic and when it came to movies, it looked to damn much like the Stellar Cartography set from Generations. One of these days, I'll be able to somehow tie Middle East unrest to Rick Berman... on with the trailer... Note to Mr. Ratner, THE WHEELS ON THE CHAIR? Ya, they've been X's since the first movie, it was supposed to be subtle! Well, at least these movies look the same. Few trilogies do... Star Wars Doesn't, Harry Potter even screwed that up with the 3rd one... LOTR is an exception since it was shot back to back... It's a good thing. Anything else here to tell Ratner... ya, pick up Constantine and look at how they did angel wings. Angel could look a tad better, and taller, speaking of looking small... check out Juggernaut. On a concert DVD I have the director comments how Rock Stars always like it when you shoot them to make them look large and tall... It's good to see Pyro still with Magneto... I'm LOVING the feeling of continuity here... Jean Grey is in the trailer.... no shots of fire, or her on fire or birdness... or DARKNESS... This could ruin my day. (although in that wide shot when Magnus is preaching to the ewoks or lost boys whatever's... she's wearing dark red... no bird visible....) Though there's a funeral... that's promising... if it's at the end. Oh no. Magneto's Bad and he's going after the Golden Gate Bridge. With his new bitch Phoenix? This is not the DP story... I'll give it a chance, but this looks to have some old style Batman character packing.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Movie: Aeon Flux

Paramount, a studio that geeks have had a love-hate with for years... decided not to have any press screenings for this? Shame on you! That's not a power you should invoke carelessly. It needs to be reserved for the WORST of movies. Hitchhikers Guide should actually have never seen the light of day, or at least waited until all literate people's bones are being bleached in the sun and the only thing left of civilization is dust. Aeon Flux is a movie you would never recommend to a friend or an enemy.

Apparently it's getting bad press... Did they see possible alternatives... Yes, compared to Harry Potter, it's dog shit... we've actually had a good year of movies. But, check out the trailers BEFORE Aeon Flux, and LEARN what bad really is...

Annapolis: A friend of mine made a comment that was probably the pitch for this movie, it's the Navy's "An Officer and a Gentleman". Ya, it's ripping off Top Gun too. And An Officer and a Gentleman, was about Navy guys too. This movie seems pointless unless you're a fan of Matlock AND Walker Texas Ranger, then, it's a must see. And by the end of the trailers, I never wanted to see James Franco again... A couple of trailers later was this horrible sounding, nonsensical Tristan & Isolde trailer... You look at the IMDB entry for the movie, and it could actually be a very good night of HBO or a good Redbox rental, but whoever cut the trailer hates someone PERSONALLY, or hates all of mankind so much that they may be considered dangerous. I love Evanescence's music, and this was a textbook case of using music poorly. Last trailer I'll gripe about... Last Holiday, if you want to see an almost nifty website and a puke inducing bludgeoning of badness Watch the trailer for Last Holiday Gee, I wonder if the X-Rays were mixed up? She'll meet some rich guy.. OR learn to love and appreciate a life of absolute shit... Oh these movies are always crap. How's she have the credit to get that type of loan, and since when are loans handed out in cash....

This parade of trailer trash gave Aeon Flux some major bonus points. By the time the movie open with the text saying a Virus kills 99% of humanity, you wind up waving banners saying "Bird Flu" and rooting for the other team. That, and the Salvation Army and a country music station was at the theater spreading... never mind.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Movie: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

We got to the movie, Sunday night showing, five of us, and it was way too late. Since the theater experience is being destroyed like most of what's good about American life, not by terrorists, but by everyone being a selfish ass, every group HAS to sit with an "I don't know you" seat. Speaking of which, if you're male, and HAVE to sit at least one empty seat between you and your male friend to prove you're not gay, you don't deserve any friends, die lonely and stupid. even though there were about 20+ empty individual seats in the stadium seating, we were stuck with the front row, the one that if you looked straight ahead you have face time with a concrete wall of a stage below the screen. Movie hell. Then the trailers started, there were a couple I don't remember and no one should probably. Then there were three.. First, the new one for King Kong. Almost every image I see has me thinking it'll be one of the most wondrous movies I'll ever see. Don't worry I'm not getting my hopes up. Seeing Kong in color can't help but remind me of King Kong Lives or the Jeff Bridges one either. There's much more bad Kong than good. Not to diss on the original, which I love, but really good Kong lives in the dreams of it's fans. There hasn't been any real Kong... Real fantasy in movies is something new, that dream like quality that Episode 3 and the Lord of the Rings movies have. To watch the old Kong, you need imagination to fall into a detached escapism... but I'm buying the DVD tomorrow anyway, and will love every viewing.

So after the Kong trailer, came more evidence that M. Night Shyamalan hates life kind and civilization by punishing us with another movie (hey, I, at one point, raved about Unbreakable...) then as I sat, entirely too close to the screen, my neck breaking backwards... I cried. I was four years old, Marlon Brando's voice, that theme... then I wiped the tears from my eyes after it ended. I know I'm going to be disappointed in it. Their Superman is going to be an actor in a suit. Christopher Reeve, to a 4 year old, was Superman.

One other interesting note, my 8yo got to see March of the Penguins, my 3yo knows this. When the trailer to Happy Feet came on... wait, there was a trailer to Happy Feet in front of THIS, a PG-13 movie... more on that in a second... anyway my 3yo asks "Is this March of the Penguins?" with a sense of shock. The titles during the trailer are a bit unclear as to what the title actually is, since they have a number of stupid things to say, and Happy Feet is but one of them. My 8yo asks; "What's the name of that movie?" "Happy Feet." She burst into giggles... Well, at least we know how they came to a title.. they got a focus group of 6-9yo's and picked whichever one gave them the giggles. Assholes. FAMILY FILMS SUCK. They're generally crap. We're a family, and we basically are all but free of "Family films" The image of the American family that has been marketed to you, and marketing is your only form of education on most subjects before actual experience, is this; A white family of physically fit and overly dressed for lounging around the perfectly clean house with blinding white smiles pop in, in perfect agreement a Didney classic. Ya, I misspelled it, I don't want to be sued. I'm sure many families do this because they've been trained to, but try this... Watch anything you want. Very few movies aren't fit for children. Pop in the Godfather, the kid's will fall asleep before almost anything that the sensibilities you haven't thought through would find unfit for children. Most family films avoid how intelligent and worldly children are. By the time a kid is 13, there is nothing in Pulp Fiction that they haven't heard or seen in a public school... or in too many unfortunate cases, done. My wife's getting me Pulp Fiction fro X-mas... I look forward to my 8yo seeing it shortly there after. I'm not going to say "Sit and watch this." But I won't shoo her from the room. At one time I thought, I don't want her seeing John Travolta shooting up with a needle in instructional detail... then I realised, I do want her to see Uma's blood soaked face and Adrenaline syringe sticking out of her chest. Nancy Reagan couldn't have come up with a better "Just say No" campaign.

What the Hell does this have to do with Harry Potter? Potter is very honest to and about kids. Especially entering these awkward years, and I hope (I haven't read the books) the stories continue to grow and mature with the kids. Sure, there's way to little use of swear words, but I just assume Wizards don't use those types of words cause they have some magical significance. For all I know, having a wand in hand and saying; "Go fuck yourself!" Will result in that very awkward self-positioning.

Anyway, Nothing I could say would alter the fact that you've seen HP4 by now and loved it. I'm glad we all did... If not, leave a comment and say why you hated it...

Oh, I called this years ago, but to make it official... Daniel Radcliffe = future James Bond.

Well, hat top 5 list is sorting itself out... with only a couple contenders to go...
1.) Episode III (the DVD has been living in the player, that one keeps getting better)
2.) Howl's Moving Castle
3.) Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.
4.) Batman Begins
5.) tie: Constantine / Serenity
Serenity looses SOOOOO many points for being so loved and so done. It's like a date who won't return your calls.
Worst of the Year... Still that unspeakable piece of TRASH... I even gave it another chance... the PAIN.

But the real champ here is that longtime sponsor of CTW, the letter "H", since Harry Potter 4 had the biggest opening weekend ever for a movie not with a title starting with "S"... Congratulations letter H.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

It's Wednesday, do you know which comics to get?

UPDATE: Reviews completed!
Ya, I skipped last week. Well, Last week I only picked up the new Rouge Squadron # 2... that was it. Not enough to go to McDonald's with. Actually, while I may seem to heap buckets of praise on Dark Horse's Star Wars line, Rouge Squadron #1 is taking me longer to read the first issue, yup it's a bathroom reader, than our last art race to cross the finish line. Next post I promise... maybe... On with the week's comics!!!!

Walking Dead #23
I know, or at least I think I've said here before, that comics can be a lot like television. This week is more that way than most weeks, but maybe it's because the first two comics I got EVERY month were G.I.Joe and Transformers 20 years ago. Maybe it's just me, but somehow, those 22 pages had an equivalency with 20 minutes of television, a half hour show minus the commercials. I'm not saying a comic book NEED to fill the amount of story you'd find in a half hour of TV, or take a half hour to read even... I have no real point, except that Walking Dead, again, didn't really deliver an episode so much as it delivered a scene. Yup, one scene. Could have been one scene in a stage production... probably about 7 minutes long, and still there's a cliffhanger. We're loyal, we'll pick it up... actually my wife is sick of the cliffhangers being every issue. I can't say anything, I'm a West Wing fan too. I'm not loosing any love for this book. It's always the first read the week it comes out, but the story seems trapped in this prison. The characters are all becoming self destructive, but hey, it's past the end of the world, who wouldn't be? I guess most of our cliffhangers here for the better part of a year have all been negative, we haven't been hit with hope, yet. The Walking Dead #23 checks out the view atop the bell curve at 3 out of 5.

New Excalibur #1
Excalibur, back in the day... Read this list and close your eyes; Sweet Child O' Mine, George Micheal's Faith, U2's Rattle and Hum album... Every Rose Has It's Thorn by Poison. Hear them? Feel your copy of Super Mario Brothers 2 in your hands? Okay... Short Circuit 2, Twins, Naked Gun, Who Framed Roger Rabbit... Shit, I can smell any given dinner of that summer right now. It's 1988 and everybody but me watches the Cosby Show. The original Excalibur series came out. Hell the first 11 issues were as perfect as any of the best of mutant books ever were. The art was gorgeous, the scripts were cunning, cutthroat and never felt like they were holding anything back. Now it's been reincarnated as a title that feels designed in a staff meeting of a toy company. Okay, Marvel was having a string of doing good comics again, now it feels like they're guarding their properties as to not pee in any coffee cups at Merrill Lynch. This felt like a TV pilot, complete with FCC overlords over the shoulder of the writer. Punches were pulled here, and the lack of sincerity is noted. I'd hope for the best, but I'm gonna be cruel to this uneventful first issue; 2 out of 5.



The Book of Lost Souls #2
I want to like this book more than I do so far. It's very classic Vertigo / Sandman, and at the same time, just not to close. Somehow, this book feels expected, yet I don't know what to expect from it. So much of it seems so ambiguous at this point that your head my imagine more cliches than or in the pages. The names are top notch, Maybe I was just to excited to see J. Michael Straczynski and Colleen Doran on the same pages. Am I disappointed? No. OK, yes, I am. I wanted greatness, and It's only above average... Maybe I'm an old curmudgeon today... This is an embittered 3 out of 5. Then again, maybe not... To I weigh on the side of give non-spandex a chance, or call it for being... trite. Lets move on...







Star Wars : Empire # 37
This arc is a joy. I have little different to say than I did for issue 36.

Okay, actually, I do have a bit difference in opinion. I'm mildly irked by Luke being in this book. I'm not saying I don't care about Luke, but the fact is, I don't, at least in this story. This was supposed to be closure to one or Empire's best arc's, with the main character being Lt. Sunber. I thought Empire was supposed to focus on the other side of the lines, and humanize the Empire... which it does do, far more than prior series, but does Sunber have to cross paths with Luke Skywalker. There are neat things about Luke being in the book, one, he's a shit rebel with one high mark on his resume! That's GREAT. I like seeing Luke taking orders and not being special this early in his career, especially out of the cockpit. Hell, by Jedi Han out ranks Jedi flyboy, and you get the feeling that Luke was kinda... in the closet about being a Jedi. Hell, if Star Wars were a different, more introspective narrative we'd have probably seen tertiary Alliance characters making comments about letting him "play" Jedi since there could obviously be no more new ones, unless some survived... not that the head of the council or a general could survive, nurture and train a single uber Jedi... See, this character is too special sometimes, and that's how he used to always be treated in comics... I love seeing him have to earn a place at the table outside a fighter cockpit. It just keeps the universe small that Sunber's going to run into him... I talking everybody knows Worf, Star Trek small! So, this is... a tough call, but honestly... can we give bonus points for art... okay. 4 out of 5.

Lets get on to the real hit of the week.

Star Wars: Republic #79
If you SAW Episode 3... If you want a bar by which to judge what the TV series could and SHOULD be... and want to see the most beautiful art to ever grace Star Wars, BUY THIS BOOK NOW!!!! This is AMAZING. Just crack it open, pop in the Episode 3 Soundtrack and start at track 4. I said the other day, I'm not getting my hopes to high on the Star Wars TV Series, I want it to be amazing, but I don't want to be disappointed due to expectations... I could easily, EASILY be as good as Deep Space Nine's Dominion war seasons. I don't expect it to be as good as Galactica, though the feel must be similar, the worlds of the republic have been torn apart by war and lost their culture and we know it's decades before the Alliance scores a win. Could it be at a Galactica level or better? YES! Republic #79 should have been the pilot episode! But, it's too beautiful to miss... Look!

... Do I need to say it? Ya, cause it FEELS good....
This is a 5 out of 5!!!!!!

See ya next Wednesday.