War of the Worlds....

I haven't seen it yet, but will tonight. After the scathing reviews of one of the worst movies ever... and zealous praise for one of the best ever... I mean, the reviews I've read of this movie. It SUCKS, It ROCKS. It Blows, it rules.... YES!!! Everyone KNEW after seeing it, that Batman was really fucking GOOD. You went into it knowing it would be good. Guide... I blame HHGTTG for the enviroment and Iraq, and politics and uncomfortable condoms, children crying, manic depression, the stock market... hopefully by the end of summer I'll have forgotten it existed. Star Wars, the Smith family, and Batman have provided much healing, and to go into War of the Worlds with such an open court of Flip a coin as to wether its the best or worst movie of the summer (surprisingly no middle ground in review land on this one...) I'm giddy. The hype has me gleefully without expectation.

'05's top 5 (so far) 1.) Star Wars, you had me at "Little green friend." 2.) Batman, I can count all the Batman movies and Higlander movies on two fingers. 3.) Mr. & Mrs. Smith. Pitt's highest placing on a year list since Fight Club. 4.) Sin City. Mmmmm Marv. 5).... Whhaaa? a Tie!!! Constantine and Kingdom of Heaven tie. Look at the titles, and tell me which is a history epic and which has angels? Both are solid movies, with great geek cred.... both will fall off the top 5 for the year list, possibly with War of the Worlds (unless it wants to duke it out with HHGTTG for worst movie...) the real fight will be in December, when Kong hangs onto the Empire State building fighting off Star Wars for best of the year.

So....... will War of the Worlds SUCK as bad as half the critics (including Ebert) says. Or be best of the summer (as Harry Knowles says??) ??

Well, now that I've seen it... Go see it... I'll wait. There is a lot of good here. a lot of wow... no I swear that's not a second shoe in my hand... on the edge of the bed, waiting to drop, yes. More appropriately, behind a mirror.

I'm still waiting. Bare in mind, I was on quite the thrill ride with this one, and have no guilt giving it a 10 on IMDB. BUT, as far as how good is it? On JUST a scale of Spielberg films... 28th percentile. It's probably better than that, but the ending.... I'll end up buying the DVD...

Still Spoiler Free... So, I mentioned the ending... no this is not a Matrix 3 or Final Fantasy 7 problem. Okay it has one or two of the FF7 problems, but not ALL of them. But when I start bitching ALL of it will be about the last reel or so, and 90% of it will focus on the last 2 minutes.

Segue into "Last Few Minutes in Movies". Endings can fucking MAKE movies. Just change the whole damn experience, flip it on it's head, seal the deal. They are the most transformative part of watching any movie. The ending. It made Citizen Kane and the Usual Suspects classics, No Way Out respected beyond it's years. Movies like Se7en and the Godfather and the whole Lord of the Rings trilogy build to them and they become the lynchpin of the story.

I'm gonna spoil the shit out of this thing in a minute, so go see the damn thing already. Actually Go see it my way and come back and read... How?

Eh, you were warned.

My way to see War of the Worlds: If you have to tak a pee and the where-everians are dying, in Boston. Go Pee then. You've seen a brilliant movie. One of the best of the year without question. Yes the martians die from germs like in the book and original movie... every critic to complain about that needs Tim Robbins to beat them in the head with a shovel.

Here's what you missed. Ray (Tom) and his daughter make their way through the ruins of Boston to what's left of his ex's parents neighborhood. National Guard shuffle them off to a shelter, and mother and daughter are reunited. Want happy juice on it, have the parents of the kid hold hands or some shit.

Paul, that's NOT the ending... you left out the part about the brother, being ALIVE. The one who walked over the hill into certain death.

This isn't a movie killer. It's just silly. The brother lives. How? Fine, you warned us he'd be alive, it was on the page, perfectly forshadowed in the basement with that crazy guy who was missing his cell in Shawshank. The bad thing is playing as a shocker, I'm curious and uncomfortable with the anti- Independence Day feel of this film. There's going to be a big chunk of the audience wanting the epic of ID, that scope. They'll feel cheated as hell at the amount of time spent in the basement. Hell, I was wanting out of there. But, with the brother surviving, why deny us his story? Why not split the storytelling and show us his part in this too? Espicially after him being such an ass at the begining and gaining some respectability on the ferry.

The Big baddness of the movie. As I was walking out, questions started coming to mind... Like with Mr. & Mrs. Smith... but worse. With M&Ms, you can take the bag of questions and have a catchall answer that settles them... They NEVER in that movie explained the structure of geopolitics in the world. Fuck, M&Ms could take place on the planet Vegran and ONLY corprate entities handle political and military affairs... I don't know.

But with WotW, as we were walking out two boys, think 10ish, were starting to ask questions... So, the machines are buried in the ground, all over the place, and we NEVER noticed? Under streets in New York? Just how deep, from where... and if they planned this for millions of years... wouldn't they get some biological samples to prepare innoculatios with. Don't they have doctors? In ID the aliens had apple-talk but didn't have anti-virus software... these guys can ride lightning and... I need to rewatch this thing. As I adjust to the son being alive at the end, I'm coming to terms with the movies other problems. The "They've been planning this...." info ONLY comes from that crazy mofo. There's no official explination of anything.

In EVERY previous telling of the story Welles concept is conveyed in some minor way, that the Martians didn't plan for this invasion. They just did it. They needed a chance, to escape their planet that was dying too rapidly. The martians didn't have a plan B, and while being tactical geniuses, were living by their own rules... there are hints of it in this work... in the behavior of the aliens. So we have to assume Tim Robbins was nuts.

So only one problem left... the boy. His being a problem is because he's a dash of movie reality in one of the most realistic films I've ever seen. It was gripping, clinching wow! I was loving every frame. Until the anuses. Okay, I hated the cages and the butholes. The movie was fucking PERFECT.... WOW, I'm floored, Geekgasmic until...

Shit. Somewhere, today, in this country, some good geek SHOUTED in a theater, SQUIRT SHAMPOO UP THEIR BUTT. We has a space anus like the one in Evolution. Cant the people be sucked through metal? Does it need guts? If guts, why a sphincter? Perhaps people who hadn't seen Evolution are unaffected by this. But, those who have seen it, may be reminded enough to giggle. You know what would have sold me on the cages, and maybe have forgiven the butthole? A cow (or horse) in the right hand cage. Why are they only picking up humans. wouldn't a good cow work for feeding your death rays?

There is a lot that's good and great about this movie. 1 or 2 flaws far from kill it, they just could heve not been there. Spielberg is 100% responsible for his films... most other guys have to put up with suits and test audiences... I'd like to know if they tested it, if they made changes... and mostly, why the butts? Are these machines techno-organic? Why not show that earlier?

The questions immediately overshadowed all that was great. The edge of your seat awe... first Spielbergian movie (or MOST Spielbergian) since the FIRST Jurassic Park!!!! I even was screaming at the screen at some points.... and it defied so many cliche's... Wonderfully so. The guy was middle class... Tom was awesome... the whole cast delivered really good performances.

Oh and the machines, the effects. Once again, F--- EVERYONE who hates CGI... Okay I admit it, that's harsh net flamming and I hate that type of shit. CGI haters need to admit their problem. Like enviromentalists who are really anti-corperate, most of these guys are Anti-Lucas. Not even Anti-Peter Jackson Where's the fans saying "Do KONG IN CLAY" Build another life size robot that doesn't work AND looks like shit!!!! Just say you hate Lucas, and say why... cause he makes good, fun movies, and got richer than shit doin it. He named his son Jett. Don't get it? George loves GOOD movies.... and Giant is one of the greats. Jett Rink: "I'm rich, Bick... I'm a richie! I'm a rich boy. And I'm gonna have more money than you ever THOUGHT you had!" It's just a guess. But people really hate the success of others. Which is the main theme of War of the Worlds. What the OTHER GUY HAS. Where-everians hate Terrans cause they have a habatible world. And Ray probably hates the guy his ex is fucking...

I'm sorry for the small bitches... but there's a lot of hate for this movie, that when it's thought through, it doesn't deserve. That's why I'm leaving it in the blog. To help others deal with the problems of the movie... I know, I can't fix them either... but, they're not that bad... (BUTT... tee hee.. haha LOL!)

So where is it in the years best? It shakes up the scoring.... 1.) Sith. 2.) Batman 3.) War of the Worlds. 4.) Tie: Mr& Mrs Smith and Sin City.

If I could give an award....

For the WORST Video game title EVER... It'd go to the lil' feller in dis here article... Xbox 360: Arika Brings Tetris to Xbox 360 The Arcticle link is jsut for your fact checkin'... I'm sounding like I lost a few IQ points 'cause my noodle ran across the title (I shit you not...) Tetris: The Grand Master 3 -- Terror Instinct Fuck me. The nightly news wants me scared to piss in the water that's so poisoned it'll kill us all.... but now Tetris is wanting us scarred too? Terror and Tetris just don't go together...

2 Movies in the same week... (and it's not even Friday)

Batman Begins: It's official, shiny new shovels should be flying off the shelves of Ace Hardware to bury the pieces of shit we smilingly accepted as Batman movies. In just eight years (89-97) we went from happy fanboys, gleeing at the sight of a bat-plane in front of the moon to screaming on the, by-then, old internet about bat-nipples, bat-crotch, bat-ass, and batacraperangs. In 1989, "Comic-Book Movies" were a rare treat. A dead one too. Superman got us some made for TV crap... Mostly the genre WAS TV. As far as big screen features... fuck.

We'd count anything as a comic book movie... Conan? So if a novel, becomes a comic book it's a comic book movie?... I'm still trying to figure it out... Robocop, an original film, has become a comic book movie... If that's the case, we should induct Star Wars, Predator, Alien, and Terminator into the pack. Unless you have to be a Marvel or DC title to BEE a CBM. The Star Wars still counts, but Hellboy is out. And Somehow MIB is in... This genre blows... And at some point needs to be defined so Star Wars, Road to Perdition, Mystery Men (oh lord...), Men In Black, Superman, and American Splendor are NOT all at the same table.

Typically when the discussion is; what's the best comic book movie... They mean Super-Hero movie. A "Super-Hero" is somehow obligated to posses fantastic characteristics. Luke Skywalker and Wong Fei Hong fit the definition, Batman never really has. His villains even have. All those decades sitting on the comic book rack, having the brains of Sherlock Holmes, the wealth of a Wal-Mart heir and the toys of James Bond, dressing like Darth Vader... Okay the character EVOLVED into that. The toys used to justify his place in the fantastic... That doesn't cut it anymore.

Watch the Discovery Channel when they have some military gear show on... Look how far Donald Trump is on the list of richest people in the world... Batman is a real world possibility. IF a billionare were fucking crazy enough to blow his money on military hardware and risk his life and well being saving people from muggings and gangsters. He'd probably run into problems with organized crime....

This movie rules. There are so many ways to fuck up sequels. Never forget why this flick rules.... Batman and his rogues Gallery are realistic, not fantastic characters!!! This bitch-slap to his villains works perfectly... The cast kicked MUCH ass. Gotham felt like a real place, not a claustrophobic movie back lot at night. I'm a huge fan of CGI's revolution in film... I look at shit on small back-lots in old movies, and it's like not being able to breathe.

All this rambling praise, and no, it's NOT the best comic book movie ever... Donner's Superman... (yes, I and his shit of II) and Spiderman II still reign, with X2 following close behind. BUT Batman is a better Movie. Best comic book movie and best comic book adaption are also different things... Best adaptions are like Crow, Rocketeer and Sin City... None of them have the General being asked to step outside, but damn, you felt like you were in the book.

So... After a 12 year reign as being the best Batman Movie, Mask of the Phantasm must step down... No, wait it refuses to leave... Okay it'll share the pedestal with Batman Begins... No wait... Phantasm stays on the pedestal, and is holding the mantle of best Batman flick HOSTAGE, demanding that Mark Hamill is the Joker in begins imminent sequel. Phantasm is still the best batman flick, only because the clown prince of crime and batman MUST be together in any "Best" caped crusader flick... Besides the title "Begins" just promises us more... It's obligated to deliver.

If you ever watch the Burton/Schumacher series... See them for what they really were, the logical evolution of the TV show. Big guest stars! Big names having fun, like a filmed costume party. Like when Liberace played Chandell in the original TV series.

Matt, the Bat isn't back. He's finally arrived.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith: I'm not going to think about it. It was soooooooo much fun. Angelina is possibly the most beautiful woman in any movie I've ever seen on the big screen. I love the car chase, the cast (notably the people who we only heard voices of...) I won't think about it cause after Batman was so believable... It does fall through a mess of plot holes... But I enjoyed. Just NEVER think about the movie, just look at it and turn the brain off. ANYONE ELSE: "But Paul, I said do that with (Insert Movie) and you argued that it was crap...." The damnedest thing is, yes (Insert Movie) WAS CRAP, and I was right about it. And you know this movie isn't crap. At no point in the theater did I have long enough to think past a plot hole when she flips her hair, bats her eyes has bare arms or Vince Vaughn says something cool. The script is witty. The Actors have charisma and chemistry and are BOTH pretty to look at. (Yes, Brad Pitt is pretty, men should admit it. If you saw that face in the mirror, you'd enjoy shaving more than you do now!!!!!) The Direction and Editing are also top notch. This film has MANY qualities of great films, and it's flaws require to much examination... fuck believability!

How... Why.... When talking with arrogant film nerds... Use this movie in your conversation, they will say it is crap for the reasons I won't mention. FUCK them! Explain that the film was not meant to be literal, but an allegory for marriage. No movie can truly show a functional married couple and show the true scope of their homicidal urges. They don't understand this because they've either not married or their marriage is on the brink of failure. Send the nerdish arrogant prick packing back to his lonely life, and recommend he rent Mr. & Mrs. Smith on the way home to Jerk off to the pretty person of their choice.

I hate most Hollywood romance movies, BECAUSE of seeing pretty people finding love... When they blow the hell out of each other with automatic weapons... I only morn for their gorgeous bathroom, and the LARGE pile of cash.

Big Idiots in History!!!!!

Pastor Johnnie B. Wilson II, is an evil and awful... frankly a sick and greedy man. He disgusts me. He's holding (as of May 14, 2005, a tree that's over 200 years old HOSTAGE for 75,000 dollars. There's nothing like a fat preacher to find new ways to say "GIMMIE MONEY!!!" What a hate filled slime. He's using the excuse of wanting to put in a parking lot. I've seen parking lots with trees in them, the parking lot built around them. Fuck, what an ass... Our entire subdivision was built around an old tree, and the old tree happened to be in our front yard for 40 plus years. (We did have to have it removed when it DIED, and were sad to see it go, except it makes mowing the lawn easier in front, but damn the house can get hot w/o the air on.... where was I, That's right the fat fuck who hates trees and wants money. Other soulutions have been suggested to him, by his entire town... Nobody wants the tree to go... he's holding the tree hostage. He's an eco-terrorist (maybe-not). Scratch that. He's a Terrorist (kinda, if the tree had feelings, it'd be terrified!). Give him a cell in Gitmo. One of the soultions was some 99-year lease with the city, and he had a problem with that because it lasted ONLY 99 YEARS. FUCK HIM. FUCK HIM. Close his silly church (let em worship in a cafeteria or something... But NO FREE COFFEE!!!) and put a city park around the tree. The local kids would prebably rather have a playground than a church. Running around and playing games is more fun than a hot church with shitty air conditioning... (the building looks like crap in the Post's photos... dude, suck in that gut when you get a photo taken.) Greedy asshole.

Movies I've caught recently....

City of God: Wow. This film reignighted an appreciation for movies on satellite. I had been wanting to see this, but kept putting off renting it from Blockbuster. Foreign flicks that get good reviews are so often some pretentious piece of masturbation that I can't stand. First this movie isn't that. It's actually interesting... and good. Damn fucking good, and it was shown widescreen... TV is safe for movies again?

Artemesia: An artsy film about art. If you don't LOVE renisanse painting... you'll need something to bite through... actually you'd probably get up and do something else. I liked it. Real art buffs apparently HATE this movie since it gets the history of the protaganist damn near completly wrong... but... eh, that's what history books are for.

Shaolin Soccer: A masterpiece. Possibly the best soccer movie ever. They have superpowers and mighty Kung-Fu.... Oooooooooooooooooo.

A Boy and his Dog: This movie was on drugs. It was just damn strange. The book didn't feel this wierd.

Team America World Police: Love. I feel love for this movie. I wish the song "Pearl Harbor Sucked" had been nominated for an Oscar. Few songs capture the emotions of so many people so well. Usually they're love songs when they do... but this is the FIRST song to say, word for word how I felt about a specific movie. "Pearl Harbor Sucked!" They read our minds and hearts...

Mutant Aliens : No matter what you may think of this film, it demands respect. Cuse one guy drew an 80min cartoon. Fuck. Plus it is entertaining.

At The Earth's Core: Oh shit. This is the PERFECT film to remind the film world that it NEEDED Star Wars. You can look at Planet of the Apes, 2001, even Silent Running and the stunning Washington scenes of Logan's Run and give a good devil's advocate argument that Hollywood didn't need Star Wars. But those were all exceptions to the rule, and never brought home the fact that average movies needed to own up, that the audience dexerved better. In 1976, some studio thought we deserved At The Earth's Core, and it has Grand Moff Tarkin in a less than commanding roll. But, if you take the camera off of him during a fight scene, he will have chopped down a tree, and built a bow and a set of arrows in under a minute. Give him a fade, and he can fix a broken 20 ton machine that took him and many others years to build. This is a fun piece of shit... Google this movie, people make muppet references, and then there's the villians that explode upon death.

Along Came Polly: The most interesting characters get the least amount of time. Damn, I hated this movie, but somehow a sequel involving two of the other.... aw fuck this waste of time flick.

Pi: Smart people who love film, and know film, know this is a great movie. Anyone who says how brilliant this movie is... WALK AWAY. Don't speak to them. They're too intelligent for you. They're fucking brilliant, this movie is way beyond you, you don't have the sophistication to appreciate a movie like this. I'm an idiot. I like fluff like Lord of the Rings, Batman, Star Wars and such... I like escapist fantasy, and walk out of the theater knowing I'm in a real world that really isn't all that interesting. People who like movies like Pi, live an escapist fantasy that they're intellectual. I was hoping for a movie about math. There's nothing about math in this movie that you don't get by the fourth grade. Math is never shown. Contact shows you the world of radio astronomy, just a bit... October Sky had loads more shit about COAL MINING!!! than PI did about MATH!!!! October Sky was about rockets... (BTW is had shit about building rockets too...) PI sucks. Kinda like pearl Harbor.

Scary Movie 3. I laughed. Enough to watch it twice. It's a comedy. Comedy and I don't get along too well. so if I could sit through it twice. It be good. Team America kinda owns it's ass though.

Zatôichi : MMMMmmmmmmmmmmmm pure samurai movie joy.

Tom Cruise on Oprah.

Tom's the second story down... Tom's acting STRANGE? Have these people ever watched Oprah? It's on after Jeopardy here in St. Louis, and I catch it from time to time. If I watch the show, I get fucking depressed since I feel emasculated. The whole show has the attitude that only women are watching... this is fine, I watch plenty of shit not intended for anything but it's audience. I'm sure if you can't stand video games and don't know what a PS2 is, or "Online Play" and Dual Shock Controller sounds like what you tuned into X-Play for but can't understand the lack of sex, X-Play seems wierd. Tom Cruise was playing to an audience that buys and reads whatever book the host mentions. We're questioning whose sanity? As far as Tom taliking up Scientology, well forgive him for not being whatever it is you think may be normal. You let Mel Gibson yap on about Jesus... Of the top two Scientologist actors in Hollywood, only one made Battlefield Earth.

Now, if the invaders in War of the Worlds are more concered with "leverage"... then we'll have issues!

Thought for your weekend or week...or lifetime.

It's been said in many ways before, but here's some simple math for a clear night sky. There are 400 BILLION stars in our galaxy. If HALF have planets, and only 1% of those planets have life... giving civilization a 1 in 80 MILLION shot... there are 25 PLANETS with CIVILIZATIONS in OUR GALAXY.

What's that figure out to? a 17 Thousand Light Year radius before bumping into ET? That'll be math for a later time....

Transformers: Bay Talks Transformers MORE SICKNESS.

Verne pointed this out... IGN: Transformers: Bay Talks Transformers Oh great... In the tradition of the Thunderbirds big screen adventure I guess? A FAMILY film... crap. Looking for the character story? Spike and Carly find love and save their dad sparkplug from the mechano men who turn into cars that look good enough to be a commercial!!!!!
Bay sounds tepid, damn tepid. You have a release date and you're blowing off Transformers... Transformers doesn't need Michael Bay... It needs someone who cares, not someone trying to get some coin off of any "family" franchise that comes along. Bay, go do a Veggie tales movie. Just do something you love.

Favorite Star Wars: Opening Flyover

These types of categories are where all 6 movies usually have one of these... Every flick has this opening flyby... some are more impacting than others. The results kinda surprised me.

Winner: A New Hope. Well, that would be no surprise. It set the standard at a place that was either avoided by the sequels or respected by the prequels. This shot in all of the movies tries to be the tone setter, but that Star Destroyer chasing the Tantive IV is still the best one. I wouldn't mind a little more detail on the Star Destroyer in future editions, but that would just be gravy. Of all of the openings, with the different pan & scans of the shot and finnially DVD, and even an IMAX remake of it, fans have gotten to see it again for the first time, many times!

Runners up: A TIE! Scoring both 4 points each, Episode II and III's Coruscant openings. They're both at Coruscant, both play with camera turns and angles. Both have fighter craft. But... you know this category may have to be reconsidered. Does the opeing shot count THE ENTIRE SHOT? Sith has the "Waterfall shot" after the pan, it's one move, one continous shot...

This category is on hold until another viewing or so of Sith. So, is is just the initial pass, of the full length of the "shot"? This should have nothing to do with the context of the opening. Obviously the Vader entrance in ANH is different, as would be the assassination attempt on Amidala in AOTC.

Trailers... Much much fun.

I decided to watch a bunch of trailers, which is far more engrossing than American Idol. Congrats to Kenny Rushton for it's stunning win over getting the same 3 trademarked remarks from the judges every performance for everybody. We know they're all pitchy, in your dog pound, Paula's favorite and sound like they're in a karaoke bar or performing at a wedding.

Anyway enough with brain killing television. Movie Trailers are far more fun and I've seen some good ones on my friend the internet... All, or most of these should be on Apple. Here's some worthy of downloading!!!!

The Davinci Code: Fuck this being a cultural phenomenon, a year before the movie even is out every TV network including National Geographic has had a DOCUMENTARY on the fucking NOVEL. I can't wait for the movie, really, it has a cast I love and a director who I love when we agree on subject matter. What I say fuck to is that people need National Geographic to tell them the book is fiction. This will be all over the place next summer too, when the movie starring Tom Hanks comes out. For a follow up National Geographic and the History Channel need to show me that Forest Gump was fiction too.

The Deep Blue: Episode III was very pretty, this has more amazing visuals, and they're all fish. Not the type of shit you see in the store or on bassmasters... Very pretty and amazing stuff!!! Many of the larger species they'll show are on endangered lists and won't be around when you have grandkids, soak this up now.

Goblet of Fire! : Ohhhhhhhhhh Fucking WICKED. That was so cool. I do kinda love this series. May they never recast the kids. Richard Harris being gone hurts enough. The series started out good and is actually getting better with each flick. The DVD's are questionable though. Okay they're cereal box prizes, utter kid fluff as if you can't be over 12 and like these movies.

Flightplan: If this movie is good, it smells like one that even the trailer tells too much. It's a thriller with Jodie Foster and Sean Bean (Boromir). The trailer looks GOOD, I'm sold on the movie, and want to forget the damn trailer. DO NOT SEE THE TRAILER. Gives TOO MUCH AWAY.

March of the Penguins : The voice of God Almighty and penguins. I liked. It's a documentary, probably not up many other alleys.

Sky High: This was so much fun. Like X-Men's daughter Buffy the TV show fucked the Incredibles. The computer who wore tennis shoes is back at Disney... Wait, Disney is doing the type of movies they did last time they told Animation to screw cupcakes. So like 2014 they'll do one as good as Lion King again?

Corpse Bride: Not much to say but yay!

Fantastic Four: (International Internet exclusive trailer) This flick is starting to rival Jefferson County for most trailers. Fuck. Let's think about this...
Dear Paul of 1995, In the Year 2005 A Transformers Live action movie will be in production, Star Wars Episode III will kick much ass, Frank Miller's Sin City will kick off a fucking Trilogy of movies directed by Robert Rodriguez (the El Mariachi guy) and Frank Miller. Hellblazer will get a movie, but it'll be called Constantine. I realize you dig on Batman Forever but having a U2 song does not help the movie, it sucks. Not the song, the movie. The next one will be so much worse, as will the next U2 album and girlfriend... But about 2005. U2 will have 2 redeeming albums and tours to boot, a NEW Batman franchise will start up and it looks very kick ass, Spider-Man movies will be in between sequels, Superman will actually be in production, still (long story) BUT the icing on the cake... A LIVE ACTION Fantastic Four!

Fuck I'd have to tell myself it looks like shit. I soooooooooo want to love this movie, that I forgot to tell myself about War of the Worlds and give a message to alter history to save HHGTTG from sucking. Damn wormholes created by regret. If the movie was worth a shit, you'd know what I was talking about.

Red Eye: Ooooo maybe rent worthy.

Wedding Crashers: More money for Blockbuster.

I won't bitch about the awful previews, or previews of awful movies like; The Skeleton Key, November ( Gee, lemme guess, she did it and made up the guy who got away!), Bomb the System (This is the type of movie that kinda bores me, and people who commit vandalism are not heroes!)

The Hulk (a random thought)

Just for the sake of posterity or some other yib yab... Verne had an interesting thought on The Incredible Hulk... all the military needs to do is put him on anti-depresants... fuck make Banner a pot-head, keep him in twinkies and there's a whole franchise, him and Rick Jones doing a rip-off of Bevis and Butthead crossed with Cheech and Chong. Some comics stars don't adjust to our modern age too well.

Favorite Star Wars Movie...

I've seen this being a common post on blogs and message boards.... And everyone has a simple stack with Empire always near the top and menace usually near the bottom. I like this whole series, but have even been prone to the "Empire" answer at best or favorite... Well, I shall exhaustively try to figure out which one is my favorite and which one is best. Mind you, when it comes to "BEST" Oscar worthiness is the only true standard (wink wink) and each movie will be compared in the Oscar categories, as if they all came out in one year. Digital performances don't count for shit, nor do stunts. Being this is Star Wars, Best supporting actress may be tossed out as well.... Don't know yet.

Basically, the way this works A list of all possible contenders goes on the left side of a grid, and on the top of a grid. Each is compared to all the others. The favorite gets a 1. The other gets a 0. In a tie, a - is given to each, standing for .5. Totals go on the right hand side and a result is produced.

Favorite Asteroid Field.

Winner: Anoat system. Empire's asteroid field is riddled with creatures, large and small bodies, and decimated an Imperial fleet. This beauty took a hell of a shit load of work from ILM and was next to impossible to pull off back in the day. Though technical merit (for the time) and visual spectacle skew differently for both trilogies, it's hard to ignore on some issues. While Geonosis rings are beautiful on film, they did not have a giant slug or bash the hell out of Star Destroyers. Note: This is not comparing the ship chases that took place, just the environment itself as a fixture in the movie.

Runner up: Polis Massa. There are so many reasons this should have won... Damn that Han Solo mojo left on the Anoat system. I remember these vague images of Space 1999 when I was a kid, and Polis Massa is the moon base of our dreams. Moreover, if Luke Skywalker had a birth certificate, this would be on it. Damn. It has neat inhabitants to boot, not just a great asteroid field, this is one of the neatest locations in the saga, and in the locations showdown, will probably fare well.

Next up: Opening Flyover.

UPN thought balloon...

hehehehe I UPN, the worlds best Star Trek fan, will now make a fall schedule. What'ya mean I'm not a Star Trek fan, I LOVE it, it's mine, you see if you kill it you get to keep it's soul... No other Trekkie has it's soul, it's MINE!!! MuuuwhaaaHaa!! Oooooo What looks good this fall something new, Titles that sound familiar.. How about

"Sex, Lies & Secrets"
and
"Everybody Hates Chris"

We know UPN, we're gone already. One show of the fall season does sound interesting... Fathom on NBC. NBC says it's like James Cameron's "The Abyss". Which is good, I like a good Abyss ripoff, and always have. There was a comic that ripped off the Abyss, it was called Fathom. The TV series and Comic have absolutely nothing to do with each other, other than James Cameron fandom. Seriously, Fathom looks like the only piece of shit on network TV I'll watch. Okay Wheel of Fortune is nice... So is Jeopardy... American Idol gets DVR'd and watched for 5 minutes... And OK I watch the Apprentice, but it's getting a little stale, It's honestly not the programs fault, just the people they pick to be on there. But this seasons winner... Kendra Todd, Look at her website, What is Trump's 250 Grand a year going to do for her?

Movie titles from 2007 and 2008

2007 is so looking to be geekilicious...

Astro City! Battle Angel (yay Cameron is BACK!!!), Captain America... Zemekis is doing Beowulf! A third Jason Bourne movie... The Children of Men sounds good, maybe it's the Clive Owen love... (If King Arthur had been after Sin City... no not that much love) BTW, Sin City 2 and 3 are listed!!!! TWO MORE SIN CITY MOVIES!!!! Both in 2007. Interesting note, Sin City 3 will be directed by Frank Miller!?! Oh hot damn. Dragonball Z, live action PG-13 and all... wow that could go either way, and if it sucks, yank your ass through concrete.
Not a geeky movie per se, well Michael Mann directing almost puts it there, Damage control sounds really good, Mann and Jamie Foxx together again. Harry Potter: Order of the Phoinex, actually waitress make our orders double, and bring us some to go boxes. Iron Man. The Lovely Bones, PJ's post Kong little movie... we'll still go, after Kong we should be completely zombified. Rockfish... could be cool. Shantaram. Shi, I'll believe it when we see a full trailer. Six Million Dollar Man, and Land of the Lost will take shots at making us laugh at our childhood. Spider-Man 3. another TMNT movie???? Tripods alien invasion movie, I'm a happy clam. and Wolverine!!! Please be Ninja's by the bucket!

Could go either way: Sam and George, Mel and Donner together, but in a drama... a convict drama. I like oatmeal, but this makes me think of when other people think of oatmeal... ugh.

Warnings: Bee Movie (we're gonna feel like we get hit over the head with this... it may be good, but after the marketing ONSLAUGHT, Madagascar will feel like a mosquito bite.) His Dark Materials; word has been that it's been pissed on already... pity. In the Pink, just what we always wanted Cher and Britney Pears in the same movie. Fuck. Bette Midler's in it too? Awwww FUCK! Toy Story 3, is not Pixar, even if the brand name somehow get put on it, it is not Pixar. And last, in 07, we're getting some more Star Trek urine from Berman... He has every right to laugh Matt, cause you'll go see it, I'll go see it... fuck we're retarted. We need to just boycott Trek so long as Berman is attached.



2008: Here's the Imdb list as it currently looks...

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Yay!)
Hokuto no Ken - Kenshirô densetsu (Fist of the North Star)
Kung Fu Panda (2008) (interesting....
On the Line (2008) -- Hey it's about Motocross!!!! (If I MUST avoid one of these films, I mean really avoid... this is at the top of the list.
Puss in Boots (2008) (Yay again!)

Movie criticism

Random little rant. I forget where I read it now, but last night I saw a comment about ROTS that basically said "If you think this movie is good, you have no way of judging movies... or no taste in movies or can't see quality if it's pissed in your face by the quality fairy. Whatever the quote was, it didn't even desrve an end quote mark. This is just stupid. Yes, I LOVED ROTS, It was note perfect and wipes out so many complaints about the prior two prequels. I don't know if it was a perfect movie (but damn, right after Windu leaves to go arrest Pimpy and the music changes, the intercutting between Annie and Padme... shit. There's barely but microscopic blemishes...)

The point: If there are rules to what all movies should be, then all movie that get every check down the list would all be exactly the same. Here's a thought experiment to provide proof: (Since everyone likes saying "The dialouge sucks" as if they've just knocked out their tenth play and a book of sonnetts)

"You best start believing in ghost stories Miss Turner. You're in one." Is a SHITTY line. It sucks. Disagree? Pictured Barbossa saying it as the moon reveals his ghostly form? You damn right you did, and there it's cool as penguins. Imagine Shaggy saying it in a Scooby Doo movie... not bad there either. Now, give it to Laurence Fishburne in What's Love Got to Do with It, It would suck.

I remember Roger Ebert saying that he judged movies by what they were trying to be. If a drama gets you on the floor laughing (like Pearl Harbor) It may have failed at being a drama. It's not a good comedy, it's a bad movie. The ultimate judges and saviors of which were a man, stranded on a space station, and his robot companions.

Playstation 3 ... font.

I'm apparently, after a minute of research into the subject, FAR from the first to notice that the PS3 is sporting a logo that looks like a Spider-Man title. I'm glad they're fans.

Sci Fi Wire -- Wonder Set In Modern Day

Sci Fi Wire -- Wonder Set In Modern Day You don't even need to read the article... well there's some stuff in there, but it doesn't apply to the headline... that's always good journalism. I can't wrap my haed around these idiot ass movie studios wanting to set superhero stories in today... With many of them, I have no problem with it; Spider-man, Batman, X-men, all fine. Fantastic Four begs to be in a type of 60's modernity <> and even the '70's TV show knew Wonder Woman was World War II. (Note: Captain America, whenever it comes soooooooo better be WW2!!!!!!! NO EXCEPTIONS, block of ice 10 minutes into the flick...eh maybe... but I'd rather see him beat on Hitler's face with a non-circular shield for a few minutes first.) I know there have been plenty of exceptions to this; Phantom, Shadow, Rocketeer, but when it comes to the big gun heroes, we get less imagination than they deserve, and learn that Focus groups and test audiences are their own brand of Kryptonite. Fuck I'll be pissed if Wonder Woman is in pants or some shit like that...

This sucks.

Verne my friend, we were talking shit during our mallwalk... It's about that bad.

Transformers INFO

This SUCKS. Just really sucks. Maybe I need and adjustment period.

Movie: Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith

When I write these, I don't go into the damn plot, or a synopsis of the movie, I go into what the movie has made me think about, the real reaction to the film, not some contrived spinners four cornered box of a review... I don't write a "review"... I write my reaction, and how I think other people will react. Movies are possibly the ultimate form of art to experience, and Star Wars is, and has been, the best orgy of art and talent on film. But as a finished piece of art, what makes the perfect movie?

There is a convention it seems, that there are a few perfect movies we can all agree on... mostly. Jaws comes to mind, the first Star Wars, and Empire... the cliche's are Casablanca and Citizen Kane, and the Godfather. More modern entries into this fraternity are Return of the King and The Shawshank Redemption. There are more I know, I've just picked these to make a point... Most Great movies, or great AND successful movies are simple. Jaws; Kill the shark. Star Wars; Save the princess and blow up the Death Star. Empire; Have your ass handed to you for what you did in the last movie. Casablanca; Pick one, him or me. Citizen Kane; What is [a sled]? Shawshank Redemption, Godfather and Return of the King aren't so easily boiled down... Shawshank has had possibly the smallest audience of these movies, Godfather had enough violence, wit and style to win the masses, and King has spectacle and Peter Jackson keeping the movie damn simple for those who don't lend themselves into deep and multi-layered stories... Toss the ring into the volcano. One thing is true of all of these, they didn't seem as perfect at first glance.
Revenge isn't a simple story, that's never a bad thing, but for the masses it has one simple point get the guy back in black!
This has been talked to fucking death. Vader = cool as shit... we know, I just saw the movie again in the first 24 hours... $8.50 a ticket is going to add up... (The BIGGEST FUCKING CRIME TO THIS MOVIE IS FILM... the brief glimpse of DLP at celebration was a movie ruining experience... I can still enjoy movies at the theater, but I know better is immediately possible.) Back to Vader... ya, Cinema's greatest villian... so I have nothing to say, at least about him.

I'd like to nominate a strong canidate for any top villian list, and if you watch this PT back to back or within a week, Palpatine hits the mark. His character ascends a retroperception of this saga. "Always two there are, no more, no less. A master and an apprentice" That statement makes no sense unless you keep a replacement or at least replacement canidates in ready. The phantom meanace had plotted the revenge of the Sith, Lord Maul says so in Episode I. Why would a pacifist so quickly wed a Jedi who just admitted to laying waste to an indigenous tribe? What a sweet revenge upon the woman who caused him just a little difficulty in his galactic conquest, carry the successor to her husband.

Dooku proves to be a second master stroke. Palpatine recruits as his interim apprentice the master who taught the Jedi who found Anakin, and trained the padawan who killed his own apprentice.

In Jedi Luke says "You've failed your highness" (Yes he did) "I am a Jedi, like my father before me." Luke, we hate to break it to you, but that Sith Lord you just cut down, didn't make much of a Jedi, he did hop onto the other team at his first chance... besides if you we a true Jedi, like Yoda counciled Anikin to be with his little speech about rejoicing when people join the force and letting go of whatever you're afraid to loose, Han would have never gone off the wall. Balance to the force gets rid of both teams. Luke is a passionate hero, the classic hero. He's NOT the chosen one, he's the balance to the Force, hence Yoda, Anikin and Obiwan looking on in approval.

Then what's Leia? What? Palpatine always had a backup. Balance should have one to. She wasn't needed in the end, concilation prize one Naboo retreat by a lake and a corellian Smuggler who aint to shabby around the house.

This is all terrific if you're a Star Wars fan, if you've just seen the movies and enjoyed them casually... Gee, the Darth characters are ussually the meat of the flick. I'm sure Maul seemed like an unfamiliar imitation of Darth Vader with no similarity... (note: We've all heard people who thought Episode I took place after Jedi, or that Anakin was actually young Luke or Luke's kid right?) Well, Vader is the gold standard name-brand villian and he's back, and the clones look like storm troopers... If you have no appreciation for the plot, go on calling the Arc fighters X-Wings and wondering how Yoda got off Dagobah, and enjoy.

But, The HIGHEST PRAISE this flick can get is that my son who just turned 3, who waited in line with us for 5 hours, asked when the credits rolled "Are they going to play it again?"
He's only seen it once, but he handed me the Anakin lightsaber and had a blue one for himself. He stood back and said, no shit, "I have the high ground!" so I swiped at him and he jabbed at me so I fell over, and he yelled at me; "You were the chosen one!" and walked away.

I took me about two days to fall into a "cool movie high" over Sith. The initial reaction was one of love (not romantic you twits..) of the series, and regret that its gone... BUT thoughts quickly went to another bit of childhood. Basically we've waited 20+ years for Sith... Since that realization that we were not getting one in '86 though it felt like we should. Well, we've been dreaming of Live action Transformers for over 20 years as well. Lucas wasn't destroying our childhood with the prequels, he was giving us EXACTLY what Obi-Wan was talking about in episode IV. Don't believe me; check out the dirt on the floor of the Jedi council chamber in Sith... So the ball is now in Dreamworks and Michael Bay's hands... Star Wars bloomed, don't you dare fuck up the Transformers. (G.I. Joe, we're keeping our eyes in your direction too... think Angelina Jolie as the Baroness)

Yes I did a midnight showing....

"Well, why isn't it on your blog yet????"

Of course I saw a midnight showing at the Esquire... but I'm still too sensory blown to comment. Ugh...It GuuuooohhuuD. That doesn't work for me. The real issues are so many.... What makes a perfect movie? Where does this rank in the saga? What was my favorite moment? Fav line? (probably one about a "little green friend") Am I going to see it again tonight? (Gonna sure as hell try!)

I can say this much right away.... I can BITCH and PRAISE the trailers before it.

The Cinderella Man: Oh, SHIT! Fuck, Opie needs matching trophies, fine, I like him and ussually enjoy his movies, but am cursed it seems to see them once and never get the urge ever again... but damn you guys, a BOXING movie just won an Oscar, couldn't you shelve this movie for a year of two... It's Rocky meets The Greatest Game Ever Played. And not shown to the right crowd either, actually the AMC lil' film dude got more respectful silence.

The Island: Just sit right back and see a flick, a flick of a fimiliar sthick, it's directed by Micheal Bay and I'm trying not to get sick, ... Here on Gilogan's Run! Writers and Director of Transformers, like Haywood Floyd in 2010, Verne and I HAVE to be there. Matt should come with us, we can then lament or become more hopeful with the hands the OTHER (aside from having Star or Wars in the title) 20 year wait movie is in. I wish Spielberg was doing Transformers, but I did at one time love Micheal Bay...

Batman: Fuck having Begins in the title... Be as good as THAT trailer, and the Burton/Schumaker era will be nicely all but wiped from traumatic memory. Imagine, Batman without compromises... BE as good as that trailer!

Mr. and Mrs. Smith: Oh god that looks fun, and she looks better than ever. I always thought Angelina Jolie's looks were overhyped... in just the previews, she's lived up to every bit of it.

War of the Worlds: ...in Spielberg I TRUST... ...in Spielberg I TRUST... ...in Spielberg I TRUST... ...in Spielberg I TRUST... ...in Spielberg I TRUST...

Narnia: Same Trailer I commented on before. Looks good on a big screen, BUT, I don't mind a CGI look so much as many people.

Fantastic Four: And the crowd goes wild... Now, they MAY have been just applauding the 20th Century fox logo at the begining of the Trailer thinking Star Wars was coming on. But, there was some positive fan vibe in the theater, and even I'll admit, this trailer looks like it may escape blowing bull cock like a state champion cockslut would... It's probably blow like a typical High School prayer group leader... Many fans will enjoy since one thing has been consistant, and is even more present this time... it's Johnny Storm the Movie, every one else is friends with his sister.