Favoritest Movies of 2004

2008 has been dominated by talk of Christian Bale as a winged force for good in a near perfect movie, and that perfectly describes a movie I do love so dearly. 2004 gives us the longest list yet... As usual, the blue means they're in the running for "Favorites of the decade", a semi final before favorite ever, and Red means 'I guess I just don't like you very much.' Blue movies score in the 80th percentile in their year... At the time I had a lot of love for Spider-man 2, but Spider-man doesn't age as well and some movies with better sequels. The big personal surprises is how much I do like Ella Enchanted, Anne Hathaway, Cary Elwes... gobs of effects, it makes fun of fairy tales, F*ck it even has Eric Idle and Queen and Elton John covers. 49% on Rotten tomatoes can kiss my... Oh well.

1. Howl's Moving Castle
2. The Incredibles
3. Hellboy
4. Ella Enchanted
5. Spider-Man 2
6. Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow
7. Godzilla Final Wars
8. I, Robot
9. The Aviator
10. The Phantom of the Opera
11. Collateral
12. The Chronicles of Riddick
13. National Treasure
14. House of Flying Daggers
15. Team America: World Police
16. Alien vs. Predator
17. Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid
18. Hero (Jet-Li)
19. Kinsey
20. Welcome to Mooseport
21. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
22. Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle
23. Steamboy
24. The Terminal
25. Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence
26. Jersey Girl
27. The Day After Tomorrow
28. The Girl Next Door
29. Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
30. Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
31. Bride and Prejudice
32. Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed
33. Dawn of the Dead
34. Ginger Snaps 2: Unleashed
35. Mindhunters
36. Shaun of the Dead
37. Night Watch
38. Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events
39. Saved!
40. Million Dollar Baby
41. Starsky & Hutch
42. Kill Bill Vol. 2
43. The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie
44. Troy
45. The Punisher (T Jane)
46. EuroTrip
47. Garfield: The Movie
48. 50 First Dates
49. Laws of Attraction
50. Meet the Fockers
51. King Arthur
52. 13 Going on 30
53. The Butterfly Effect
54. The Stepford Wives
55. Van Helsing
56. Blade: Trinity
57. Resident Evil: Apocalypse
58. Shrek 2
59. The Manchurian Candidate
60. Closer
61. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
62. Shark Tale
63. Saw
64. The Grudge
65. Fahrenheit 9/11
66. The Village
67. Catwoman
68. The Whole Ten Yards
69. Alexander
70. Super Size Me
71. Unleashed (aka Danny the Dog)
72. What the #$*! Do We Know?!

Legend: Onto the next Round! In the middle. I do NOT enjoy.

The horrible part of 2004 was what passed for documentaries. I went to see Fahrenheit 9/11 in the theater. I even bought "Dude Where's my country." A chapter in that book really chapped my ass. Michael Moore, in one chapter rails against the Horatio Alger myth. For a guy who's worth, millions, one website has him worth 50 million, but they hate him... Anyway, even if he's worth 10%... he could by my family as slaves. I'm glad he's enjoyed that kind of success, and it makes him the last person in the world to say it can't happen.
Then we got that anti-McDonalds docu-mercial tripe. See, we all know fast food is bad for us. But, when you and your anti-meat girlfriend are picking on the burger place... it seems a little wrong. Both of these one viewing ever wonders though pale
.. PALE next to the WORST MOVIE EVER. Wait, it's NOT A MOVIE. It's... something, it has video and audio, and that's about it. It certainly isn't a documentary... What the Bleep advertises itself as some quantum physics documentary, and is an advertisement for some Ramtha religion. It shouldn't even be on this list. It disgraces everything it touches. You want to sell me on Ranthma, take it from the door to door guys; Offer a flyer, say "Would you like to know more about Ranthma?" and then go on your way. Misrepresenting your movie and me paying $5 at Blockbuster is WRONG!!! Put your message on Youtube, Voeh but don't make me pay FIVE DOLLARS expecting something that wasn't AN AD! What the BLEEP indeed, to paraphrase Kieth Olbermann; What the Bleep, 2004's WORST MOVIE IN THE WORLD!!!!"

Favoritest Movies of 2005

I'm going to probably continue this series of posts until I run out of movies... On New Years Eve, 2004, I popped in the DVD of the original Transformers the movie, timed for Victor Caroli to say at the stroke of midnight "It is the year 2005..." But, I know everyone did that. If you think it "loserish", well... WTF am I supposed to do on New Years, my wife's usually asleep by 10, the kids are away at the grandparents... so eh, WTH.
As for the list, There was never any doubt. See, these list surprise even me. Happy Feet was a surprise. Each movie goes head to head with every other movie in a spreadsheet. point totals are turned into percentiles and voilà movies emerge at the top. Some years are a race for second or third. Colossus: The Forbin Project WILL top 1970, probably followed by Patton, but I won't get ahead of myself, since the past in retrospect is further ahead, the farther back you look. Anyway, this was a year with a Star Wars movie, and it wasn't 1999... that one will be interesting since... Um... I DO enjoy and love the Phantom Meanace, but 99 is a HEAVY year. I came up with 50 movies though for 2005, and Disney's botched H2G2 didn't bottom the list. Blue is coming to mean, will be in the running for All time fav... Red is, I don't like you.

1. Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith
2. TIE: Serenity
3. TIE: Good Night, and Good Luck.
4. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
5. Mr. & Mrs. Smith
6. Batman Begins
7. Kingdom of Heaven
8. Constantine
9. Syriana
10. March of the Penguins
11. Sin City
12. Memoirs of a Geisha
13. War of the Worlds
14. King Kong
15. Fantastic Four
16. Chicken Little
17. Corpse Bride
18. Walk the Line
19. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
20. Kung Fu Hustle
21. The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3D
22. Lord of War
23. The Island
24. Mysterious Island
25. Aeon Flux
26. Madagascar
27. Sky High
28. MirrorMask
29. The Aristocrats
30. The 40-Year-Old Virgin
31. Flightplan
32. Fever Pitch
33. Stealth
34. Doom
35. Sahara
36. Rent
37. Zathura
38. Hoodwinked
39. Robots
40. The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
41. Wedding Crashers
42. The Ring Two
43. Saw II
44. The Dukes of Hazzard
45. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
46. H.G. Wells' War of the Worlds
47. Son of the Mask
48. TIE: Monster-in-Law
49. TIE: A Sound of Thunder

Legend: Onto the next Round! In the middle. I do NOT enjoy.

See, I learned there are worse things then majorly raping Douglas Adams, and they were seriously devestating Ray Bradbury, mixing J-Lo with Jane Fonda, and other really bad movies.

The (More belated) Favoritest movies of 2006 list!

Looking back on a year of movies where... screw that, cutting to the meat... FOUR way tie and one of them is HAPPY FEET. FUCKING HAPPY FEET!!! Well... In a word... Yes. Given the choice of who do I like more... Bond, V, Supes or those itty bitty cutesy oh so adorable penguins... I... I CAN'T choose just one of those movies!!! Maybe a different lineup will give them some space on an all time list. Happy Feet won't fare as well against the Lion King as Casino Royale will. But in 2006, I discover their were four deserving of the crown, and a Crown, I realised a lot of love for (Number 6, tied with Children of Men.) Making a list of the top of my head, I would have never listed that movie... But it was really kick ass, and very touching and comfortable... An all around great movie.

1. TIE Superman Returns
2. TIE Happy Feet
3. TIE Casino Royale
4. TIE V for Vendetta
5. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
6. TIE for 6th: The Queen
7. TIE for 6th Children of Men
8. TIE for 8th Underworld: Evolution
9. TIE for 8th Zoom
10. An Inconvenient Truth
11. The Departed
12. The Good Shepherd
13. Night at the Museum
14. Monster House
15. Snakes on a Plane
16. Mission: Impossible III
17. Curious George
18. Eragon
19. Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties
20. Cars
21. Pan's Labyrinth
22. Man of the Year
23. Ultraviolet
24. Final Destination 3
25. Over the Hedge
26. Borat
27. The Da Vinci Code
    
28. Scary Movie 4
29. Flyboys
30. Open Season
31. The Prestige
32. X-Men: The Last Stand
33. Silent Hill
34. Nacho Libre
35. Charlotte's Web (2006)
36. The Sentinel
37. United 93
38. Talladega Nights:
39. Stranger Than Fiction
40. World Trade Center
41. Lady in the Water
42. Saw III
43. Clerks II

Legend: Onto the next Round! In the middle. I do NOT enjoy.

The (belated) Favoritest movies of 2007 list...

I meant to do this a long while ago, but, I'll be honest, I'd do these charts by hand, I just learned over the summer how to do them in a spreadsheet... and now I'm addicted to Excel.

This is not a BEST list... There are great movies that I never want to see again. Too many movies to give it a second viewing, so, like on this list, movies like that suffer. Juno, while a darn good film, is punished by the fact that channel flipping is more appealing than rewatching Juno. One of the things that motivates me to make more of these lists is that it could save me lots of money, since the things towards the top of these lists oddly line up with being DVD's I watch again and again, and 80% of my DVD collection is this pile of aluminum and polycarbonate discs that occupy cases that do little more than accumulate dust. By my guess, lists like this could prevent my from having another 200-300 DVD dustcatchers. Sure, there's some I never watch but love having; thinking of Master and Commander there, just for that mood of wanting it on tap. But, I'm never watching American Beauty in my life, ever again. At this moment, looking forward, if I had all of the infinate future of the univers before me, I'd never watch American Beauty ever again. If you just thought" It won best picture..." Look in the $5 bin of DVD's at Wal-Mart right now. You can find all sorts of Best Picture noms and winners. That award is almost so detached from the art form in some cases in recent years it's very revalance is questionable. Well, maybe Wall-E will win this year. As for 2007... I thought that the Oscar winning No Country for Old Men was my most hated movie.. nope, not it of Spiderman 3... I learned what movie I hated the most last night... and I hadn't thought about the movie between turing it off, and last night. Onto the list:

1. Stardust
2. 300
3. Transformers
4. The Man From Earth
5. Meet the Robinsons
6. Charlie Wilson's War
7. Aliens Vs. Predator - Requiem
8. Balls of Fury
9. Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium
10. National Treasure: Book of Secrets
11. Enchanted
12. 3:10 to Yuma (2007)
13. TMNT
14. The Golden Compass
15. TIE Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
16. TIE Hitman
17. Ghost Rider
18. Surf's Up
19. The Last Mimzy
20. Pathfinder: Legend of the Ghost Warrior
21. Michael Clayton
22. TIE Beowulf
23. TIE Resident Evil: Extinction
24. TIE Next
25. The Astronaut Farmer
26. The Mist
27. Dragon Wars
28. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
29. TIE 30 Days of Night
30. TIE Elizabeth: The Golden Age
31. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
32. TIE I Am Legend
    
33. TIE The Kingdom. From here down, I probably just don't like you... or just never need to see you EVER again.
    
34. Lions for Lambs
    
35. Underdog
36. Alvin and the Chipmunks
37. Juno
38. TIE Ratatouille
39. TIE Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
40. TIE Across the Universe
41. Knocked Up
42. The Simpsons Movie
43. Live Free or Die Hard
44. Fred Claus
45. Epic Movie
46. Blades of Glory
47. Spider-Man 3
48. Shrek the Third
49. TIE Rush Hour 3
50. TIE Bridge to Terabithia
51. The Brave One
52. No Country for Old Men
53. Superbad
54. 28 Weeks Later

Legend: Onto the next Round! In the middle. I do NOT enjoy.

The top four movies that came up at the top of this list, I noticed, I'd place their poster art in this blog's banner... Well, I guess I proved to me what I like.

Redboxed: The Dark Knight

Okay, okay, I know the 10 commandments...
I) There is no greater movie than The Dark Knight, thou shall not place any other movie before he.
II) Thou may only purchase officially licensed Dark Knight products, and may not have licensed products of any other movie.
III) Do not use the name The Dark Knight in vain.
IV) Keep The Dark Knight's theatrical opening days and DVD release dates holy.
V) Honor Batman Begins and purchase it on DVD or Blue Ray if you have not done so already.
VI) Thall shall not kill.
VII) Thall shall not view any other movie.
VIII) Thall shall not steal the Dark Knight.
IX) Thall shall not disparage The Dark Knight to others.
X) Thall WILL Covet the Dark Knight.

Okay, VI and VIII I definitely agree with, but I rented it, so... where is that... that's like paying to borrow. But, I'll try, TRY to heed The Dark Knight's mighty word. But, in the spirit of full disclosure, I'm still a Dark Knight skeptic. On my way to being a Dark Knight atheist. Was there a cup of cool-aide I missed? Right, heed the commandments.... okay, I will. But... I have some questions.

1) After Batman dives out the window for Racheal, how is it that the ever to this point meticulous Joker and his squad fail to notice the long bar closing two doors. It's in the hallway right there, like not 20 feet from him. For those that would argue the distance or visibility of the closet, I'll cede that point, but it still doesn't answer why they don't search every room on at least that level. The Joker has a Hans Gruber like control of that situation, and Harvey Dent is trapped...

2) If Batman has a plan to capture the Joker with the Deus Ex Machina phone gadget, why is he going to burn all that crap and surrender. It's all locked up shut down, but then he's more Bat-suits on tap...

3) Why didn't Gordon or Batman TELL Two-face that they wanted to save her, not his ass...

4) Where was the Leauge of Shadows in this movie? Where was the rest of Gotham?

I gave it a second chance. I'll wind up watching it again probaly with the rest of the family. So, I love how well this movie is shot, I do. Chicago looks BEAUTIFUL. The music's good, there's good dialouge. But I'm not converted. I've not a drop more love or even liking to give this overzealously overexalted movie. It's more GTA than Batman. I don't care for GTA at all.

Redboxed: Prince Caspian and Wanted

I have zero aspirations of ever being a film critic. Blogging has killed criticism, and unfortunately left us with a droning homogenized mass herd of one note ideas... like the company created opinion of the Dark Knight. WB did the most amazing job creating this unquestioned love for a movie people hadn't seen! ... Ya, The Dark Knight DVD is looming, and I want to see it again. I want to hate it... I think. The Dark Knight is such an overrated pile of poo... Pile of Pooh. The Dark Knight takes bags of Pooh stuffies and rips their heads off poos in them and piles up the Poohs. I like Pooh. Is Pooh Disney? Are there multiple Pooh. Like, Pooh was written by someone else, and then Disney took hold of it... Like Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. I LOVE H2G2! But not their version. they destroyed it. I guess if you hadn't read the books or were familiar with it in any way prior it wasn't AS bad. Well, this bit of typing is a waste of time, since I don't really care to acknowledge whatever movie I'm supposed to be mentioning...




Oh, I did see a good movie!
Hello... I just may love you. A cornflower blue tie from Fight Club, CHECK, Red Stapler ala OfficeSpace, Check! Gun-fu mixing it up with a chosen one constituting a remake of The Matrix, You it's there. Add a bit of Star Wars and it's like a Best movies of 1999 Mix Tape. Well, okay the pinch of Star Wars isn't of the 1999 vintage, it may be of an earlier vintage.

You... You may prompt a best of the Year so far list...

Where did you rank?

Well, I did a spreadsheet comparing each movie to every other movie I've seen this year, and Currently....

Wanted comes in fourth place.

1. WALL-E
2. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
3. Iron Man
4. Wanted
5. Star Wars: The Clone Wars
6. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
7. Hellboy II: The Golden Army
8. Quantum of Solace
9. Mongol
10. Kung Fu Panda
11. The Incredible Hulk
12. Hancock
13. Journey to the Center of the Earth
14. The Spiderwick Chronicles
15. Cloverfield
16. Get Smart
17. TIE: Speed Racer / Dark Knight
    
18. TIE Speed Racer / The Dark Knight
19. The Forbidden Kingdom
20. Tropic Thunder
21. W.
22. 10,000 B.C.
23. The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
24. The Love Guru
25. Meet the Spartans
26. Jumper
27. Semi-Pro
28. The Happening (This movie is guaranteed to be at the bottom, no matter how many movie I see... Ever. Battlefield Earth has company in movie Hell.)
    

Great Redbox Catch up and Quantum of Solace.

Hadn't used this thing in awhile... Why? Eh, probably election coverage addiction. I'm over it. OMG, the election was exactly 28 days ago! I kid you not, I just kicked the Chris Matthews habit yesterday, deleted Hardball from the DVR... the season is OVER. Savage Dragon and Tina Fey WON, and I couldn't be happier. Plus we learned that all the candidates were Skrulls.

We did rent some movies in that time.
Scorpion King 2: I... (Sorry honey, I fell asleep)
Spiderwick Chronicles: Wow, a family fantasy that didn't suck.... Yea. Seriously I like you, you're faring well here.
Mongol: Terrific. SEQUEL!!!! MORE!!!
The Love Guru: Underrated. Seriously, I heard that this was the worst of the summer... Um... Nowhere close, since, I saw The Happening. This thing sucks BAD. Really. But Stephen Colbert is worth catching his parts on cable... They should have spent Love Guru money on a Tek Jansen movie.
Forbiden Kingdom: I'm sorry I don't remember seeing you. I know we did, but.... THIS IS WHY I STARTED THIS BLOG!
The Happening. Uwe Boll gets a bad rap. I never want to hear his name near the word "worst" ever again... Battlefield Earth had like one or two seconds of not sucking all the life out of your soul. I've never seen it, but I DOUBT Catwoman comes close. This is a real event. This MOVIE, is a miracle. Craps out, right out of the gate. It kills brain cells, space-time, personal integrety. Don't let this man anywhere NEAR Avatar the Last Airbender!!!!!
Kung Fu Panda: Good enough to wash The Happening out of your pants!
Kung Fu Panda Secrets of the Furious Five: A short that was worth the extra buck. Seriously. 20minutes, and it was worth the rent! Most of this list can't say that!
Like this NEXT piece of GARBAGE......
Fred Clause: The GOOD: I fell asleep. The rhetorically WORSE THAN DEATH: I woke up. One of the worst movies ever made. Period. If you loved Vince Vaughn in Swingers, then you'll want to bury your copy of Swingers in the back yard after this. I'm some new species of stupid for admitting to rent this. You could edit this and The Happening and the Love Guru all together, at random, and have a better movie than all three! BUT: Kevin Spacey, esp. in the Superman cape, keeps this garbage from being anywhere near The Happening.
BTW... Whe we watched the deleted scenes... there's a really.... REALLY long one, that would have had the movie make a skoosh more sense. Channel flipping would still have more of a plot.... Fuck... We've all seen Infomercials better than this!

Tommorow we're watching Prince Caspian.... My kids REFUSED to watch it. (I'm proud of them!)

Movie: Quantum of Solace
Casino Royal became my favorite bond movie, after a lifetime of loving Bond movies. Maybe I expected too much. You're good. Lots of good moments. I'll end up owning you, but never wanting you. You're less of a Bond than your predecessor. BUT.... Big BUT here... BUT, Tosca (the opera scene) RULED THE BONDIVERSE. It is one of the best scenes EVER in a Bond movie. And, it, to me, destroyed the movie. After this scene, is where the next movie MUST pick up. If it does, then this movie is redeemed. There's only one oil slick after the Tosca scene worth seeing. I know I sound hard on this movie, but when the kid down the street gets an A-... YEA! Great for them. When YOUR kid, the kid you LOVE with all your heart gets an A-... It's time to get to work on fixing what went wrong. We can still get this Bond into a hollowed out volcano base and keep the feel of the series. Quantum kicks Spectre's behind! To re-apply the quote of the year (from SNL) "FIX IT!"

Movie: Star Wars The Clone Wars

You had me at "Wild Space."
Star Wars is a lifelong love, and to me, being taken back to the summer of '77 is to be taken back to a time when I couldn't reach anything, I was oft at peril to shit myself having newly acquired the skill of using a toilet, and was under constant pressure to engage in the activity of afternoon naps against my will. Sippie cups lacked widgets, and car seats were barely in use, much less luxuriously upholstered command chairs, with cup holders. Heck, most places I went in '77 I was in the front seat lap of an unbuckled passenger. My parents tried lies about Santa in winter and some Bunny in the spring, I had to ask for anything I wanted. Sure, I may have had a childlike sense of wonder and amazement about things, but that stemmed from ignorance. (I'll be ranting a great deal about ignorance here.)

A lifelong love doesn't need to take you back it needs to take the relationship forward. Sure, once in a while she can throw some pigtails in the hair and you can have a nostalgic night. But the whole relationship can't and should never be built on nostalgia. To those whose love of Star Wars is principally one of nostalgia, you got special editions, the old girl even had a boob job, so'd they be as firm as when you first met, and you whined bitched and complained. Well, she's finally taking this relationship forward in a mature and SERIOUS matter, a no holds bar animated series for all ages, like Avatar: The Last Airbender.

"It's directly for kids!!! That's not STAR WARS!!!!" Really. Go. Track down a VHS copy of From Star Wars to Jedi, a behind the scenes documentary from WAYYY Back in 1985. Or almost any interview with Mark Hamill. It's always been a kids franchise. The nature of kids properties has changed greatly, but, this is Star Wars, for OUR KIDS. Not US entirely. My son said of this movie as we were leaving the theater; "I want to watch this movie every day!"

The professional film critics seem to almost overwhelmingly hate it, for few given motivations, all with one common stripe; it's destination of television. That's compounded by it also being, Star Wars, and they've hated all of those until usually 3-5 years later. But, Clone Wars has the audacity to do something not done, that I can recall, launch a TV show in the movie theaters, weeks before the broadcast debut. Its an impostor in Movieland, and the critics are predictably trying to drive it out of town, less they become inundated with becoming Television critics. I'm sure it's bad enough that they have blogs and the rest of the web to compete with.

The Internet voices, have found Clone Wars unenjoyable. I'm sorry that they're not mature enough in this relationship to move forward. We appreciate that you're fans of how you felt sitting in your pumpkin seat. But, it's clear that you didn't LOVE Star Wars as much as you said you did. So much of this BACKLASH, is from prequel hating people who have never played the RPG, read any of the comic books*, or read any of the novels. Most of the blogosphericaly inclined were apparently wanting this to be a nostalgia fest. A movie not moving the relationship forward.

Harry Knowles said "From the beginning notes of “As Time Goes By” and the Warner Shield – it felt wrong." The Studio logo.... you begin damnation of a movie with the studio logo? Oh SHIT!!! Yes, bonus points can be scored with doing something nifty with a logo...The Matrix, Waterworld. These movies score some bonus points with logo alterations. Gee.. anything else Harry? Something about sloppy shots... "undoing all the awesome work that Genndy had done" Watch that toon much? So a crane shot traveling over the action as we scale a cliff, is so much cleaner in 2D? This makes the Genndimated series look lame in many regards. First off, Anakin doesn't have a ridiculous fighter customized to look like his pod racer, he's not the whiny piece of work that we continually suffered with and the Jedi lack powers that violate reason, more than even some of the worst offenses in comics.

What else is there, there's so much, I've been reediting this for a week or so... Not that anyone cares. The Jedi council forums are the only refuge for people who care for the BEST MOVIE of the YEAR... I kid, Recount is that, and Wall-E...

Oh... So, the near consensus on the net has been that Ahsoka Tano is Freakin Hannah Rock Damn Star Montana. Well, what are some character attributes of Hannah? She's a lying, ego driven, self obsessed, treacherous, two faced, manipulative young woman. Even though many of these charges against the little overexposed rock star character are exhibited and corrected within an episode, she is a character capable of these things manufactured to appeal to the fame obsessed vanity of tweenage girls. All other charges aside, she needs to feel the approval of millions of people and if she doesn't her frail ego will collapse. If Hannah Montana were force inclined and lived in the Star Wars galaxy, she'd be a Sith lord. She's worse that Palpatine! As a parent, I HATE most of the kids they throw on the screen. I wind up reminding my kids constantly how HORRIBLE these wastes of humanity are. That kids aren't supposed to behave like that, and that they're all horrible role models. Maybe I've seen to many Disney factory kids on TV, they're all self obsessed monsters. But, Ahsoka was a character I didn't mind my children seeing.

In defense of Ziro the Hutt
The charges are, a homosexual, loudly adorned, Hutt that speaks basic (English to MANY of the websites...) First off. No Star Wars character speaks English. Not a one. They speak Basic. Basic, is the language that you watch Star Wars in. For me, it's English, for some it sounds like Spanish... It's alphabet is Aurebesh. We see it on monitors and displays... So, Ziro speaks Basic. We've never seen a Hutt on screen before a deep as possibly can be inside the core. We've seen them in the outer rim, where most residents speak Huttese. Now, with so FEW Hutts in this series, why do the residents of the Outer Rim, especially Tatooine, speak the Hutt language? Well, the Hutts run things out there. It's very wild west, and they... They're Gene Hackman in The Quick and the Dead. Wealthy in places where people will do anything for money, and immune to Jedi influence where Jedi are the closest hop to the law, Hutts have always had a prime position to run things out there. But, Coruscant is the wealthiest planet. There are to many people who can't be bought, and it's Jedi central. Ziro is trying to fit in by A) speaking Basic. WHEN IN ROME? and by... dressing the part. As for the flaming nature... Um... Hutts don't have girls and boys rooms to potty in, they have Hutt rooms, and Hutt parts. Hutts don't have to F-- themselves either, some actually choose to F-- other Hutts! So, Ziro, if ever sexually active with another Hutt, would be... well gay. So what? Captain Jack Harkness of torchwood would tap Ziro in a Corellian minute and Ziro would be begging for more! As far as ANY of this being "Unstarwarsy". Well, no one really bitched this storm up when Queen Jool first appeared in the Legacy comic series

Droid Slapstick.
There's a line in Armegeddon; "Have you even seen Star Wars?" Sit. Watch Episode IV. Droid slapstick has been with us since the beginning. Droids in this universe think in non-linear, irrational ways. That's why the oil bath will "feel" good to 3PO. R2 and 3PO call each other names. They arguue and bicker... and even Battle Droids would need these irrational, non-linear thought patterns to process the abstract concepts of vauge tactical commands. Besides, it's just classic Starwarsyness.

Well, the box office numbers reflect that so much of the buzz, when you talked to people who don't spend huge chunks of their time online, was the misgiving that this movie would be on TV anyway, that it was the first few episodes. I imagine LOST or 24 would have similar box office malaise if they ran their season premiers in a theater, with the understanding in the minds of the audience that it would be shown on television regardless.

So, congratulations to the critical masses who hated this movie! For all of the writing and love being claimed for Star Wars, most of you haven't picked up a book, comic, RPG... Anything that required the use of HANDS! This movie wasn't for you. Please, HATE Star Wars, you mindless DROIDS. We don't serve your kind here.

If you hated Clone Wars: I sentence you to this. Press play. It's the WORST THING EVER


*By the way, if you've never read a comic book, of anything in your adult life, you're wasting your life away. Go, buy Watchmen or Sandman, or Bone, The Walking Dead, and QUIT WASTING your life. READ. Then, go to a local planetarium. Watch a few episodes of The Universe on History Channel. Okay, now there's about 100,000,000,000 galaxies with about 500,000,000,000 planets each in them, and we're never getting to any of them any time soon. We can look at them and wonder. And Star Wars, while not "scientifically accurate" or probably anywhere close to realistic, is a wonderful way to let the mind play on the playground of just how big and fascinating of a universe we may well live in.

Movie: Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D

So, my friend Robert calls me, wondering where my rant on this 'piece of shit' movie was... I misquote, he actually had much more colorful words and more creative phaseology, imagining what I would say than had I had anything at that point to say, but I NEEDED to do something else... and my family had... And I didn't call Robert back since I'd fallen asleep on the couch with my wife, right about time that absolutely all hope had flown out the window for the US Men's Gymnastics team grabbing gold had escaped reason. So, sorry Robert.

Huh. Oh, there's a poster... to the left... what do you say, AH Journey to the Center of the Earth in 3D!!!!! Yes, we had a pretty damn good time. So, Lemme rail on the sonnavabitch who was behind us, this numbfuck, was encouraging his cumstains of children to misbehave. It get's worse. Having a couple little cumstains that bring ruin to the world is nothing new in a movie theater... It's almost ALWAYS because the parents weren't clobbered by an English teacher when they were growing up so have no IDEA, no CONCEPT that the antonym to the word "YES"... Or that another option even exists.... No CONCEPT of the word..... "NO." Say it to your children often. Have fun saying it Say NO when you want it to be yes. Be driving, on the way TO MC DONALDS.... And when the tyke say... "Can we have McDonalds???" SAY NO! Mommy and I are still deciding on what we're having!!! But, it's not these two brats who were so exceptionally evil as to be noteworthy here.... BUT THE DAD WAS behaving worse than one of his children, just as bad as his favorite child. The father was behaving like a eight year old in PUBLIC! Jackass. So, when in public... Someone may rant about you. Not that anyone will know who you are... I could have made it up. Could have imagined it instead of watching the movie. Maybe. Maybe not.

Anyway,
I don't know if this is actually a movie. My reptilian brain still lingering some control, you know the more primitive part of your brain, the part you had in the 80's, that wants to play with a Rubiks cube, Love cartoons, wants to eat cereal while sitting on pillows, thinks a perfect day can be spent in jammies playing Zelda with your stuffed animals by your side and nothing but a bag of Oreo's to sustain you in between grilled Cheese for lunch and someone ordering Dominoes for dinner.

That part of the brain. Yea, that said this wasn't a movie, but a theme park attraction without the stupid pneumatic gimble. So.... I likey.

This movie was good. It deserves a treat, (This has been inserted as penance for the HELL at the bottom of the next post)

An Andyroonian Thought....

Remember when Hershey's Syrup came in a can, and it'd sit in the refrigerator with those two triangular holes depressed into it at opposite ends of the top... sitting there, waiting. When your mother finally did make you a small cup of chocolate milk, it looked like your glass of milk was being given an oil change. Good times.

Heck, years and years after that, when we had a Sam's membership, RIGHT after they opened, Quick had to be opened with a can opener.

Enjoy the Olympics.

Movie: Hancock Summer movie season almost over...

It's been a damn good summer of movies. I haven't hated a damn thing I saw in a theater. But, if I have to rank them, with my usual system, Each movie vs every other movie on the list, winner gets a point... If it's a tie, both movies get half a point...

Oh, yea, Hancock... Uh... Hancock... Guud... ugh! Seriously, it's good, but a bit of a letdown that almost every set piece was shown in the trailers. The trailers did nothing to ruin the movie, and kudos to that, but a we bit of post AVP syndrome. So a Hancock 2 might salve that over, but, if I don't get one, unlike AVP-R, I won't be heartbroken. Actually, given a choice between a Hancock 2 and a Res Evil 4 / Avp 3 double feature, I'll take the latter!

So the top 10 fo the Summer, that I've seen.... which oddly is 10 movies...

1. Wall-E. Perfect, and wonderful, may Pixar top this with John Carter of Mars!
2. (Tie) Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I remember trolling the shelves of bookstores and libraries for everything I could read about ancient astronaughts and UFO's when I was in the later parts of grade school. Oddly, of all of spielbergs alien movies, this one warms the heart of old, dead UFO nut in me the most.
3. (Tie) Hellboy II, Wow, you're pretty. Your world is amazing, the creatures awesome... The full package, and you'll probably get a number of spins on the DVD player, unlike some nut jobs on this list.
4. Iron Man. The new standard for super-hero movies. Give us the world of the comic, there's no reason to seel us short, create a universe between the titles! Keep it up and make mine MARVEL. (That goe's way back)
5. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor: I can't believe all the fucking ignorat stupid ass complaints about this movie. "Ble blu blah CG... Blu bea blea acting... Bluh bleia script. Ble bluhh bloorph I don't know how to POOP I'm so STUPID!" Some one commented on some site that a Yeti doing a field goal sign in 1940's China was too "Unbelievable" IT'S a FUCKING YETI!!!!!!!! Did you think they were real? It's a Goddamned movie SERIES about Mummy's COMING BACK TO LIFE!!!! And THE FIELD GOAL joke is a DEAL BREAKER? I'm sorry, I missed the Discovery special about how Yet's behave. They're on their way to Shangri-La. How do you know they don't have Yeti-Football, next to that POOL OF IMMORTALITY!!!! Someone said that they didn't like Indy 4 beacuse it was UFO's and the other Indy movies dealt with things that were "Real." I'm going to go make out with the tooth fairy, get drunk with the boogeyman and we're all going to have an orgy with the monsters under my bed, and let Santa Claus film it. There's a fucking REAL Indy movie for you, Indiana Jones and the North Pole! Pole smoking more like it. And would everyone stop complaining about CG. Pop in a few b list movies from the eighties, like Batman. You'll wish you had some quality CG effects. You know why you don't like CG... Before, when you didn't know how effects were done, you just stared in awe, now, you know they're done, somehow "With a computer." So... so you know movies aren't MAGIC. They're made, and Santa was never real either.
6. Incredible Hulk. "He looks fake".... Did you know it's partially because he's green. Green is a shit color on things, light doen't play on green... that's why green screens are GREEN!
7. The Dark Knight. Why so SERIOUSLY LOW on my list? Your ending. It was illogical and stupid. Pin it on the Jokers goons, show Joker in Arkham, and maybe have blown a boat, and this is at the top of the list, you'd have Wall-E sucking you all night, but Nooooooooooo. You had Gordon do something that's the first image in my head every time I think of the movie. That act, obliterates the Joker from my immediate associations with the movie. The moment itself is actually really cool, it's heartbreaking, I LOVE it when a movie can do that, but the REASON it's done is pure stupidity. Endings count; Empire Strikes Back, PotC Dead Man's Chest, The Usual Suspects... King Kong, Citizen Kane... even Casablanca. Change the ending of any of these and you risk ruining them. To paraphrase Lloyd Bentsen; I know the Empire Strikes Back, I saw Empire Strikes Back in the theater in it's initial run and sir, you are no The Empire Strikes Back!
8. Hancock. I apparently don't hate Dark Knight that much, cause I like this movie, but in a head to head match up it gets less points. You're a good movie, and yet so low on the list, DAMN it's been a GOOD summer of movies!!!!!!!!
9. Speed Racer Mach-6. You could have been at least above Dark knight. WHY a MACH-6.... Oh well.
10. Get Smart. Could have been enjoyed as much as a rental. Wait, rental cheaper, enjoyed MORE?

Well that's the list. Clone Wars is next. It's task is simple, top the list or die trying. Easy bar for a movie... Be at the Top of the list. With Star Wars, James Bond and Harry Potter incoming, the top five may take some hits. I'd say it's the best year IU've ever seen, but NEXT year with Monsters and Aliens, Watchmen and Star Trek... oh, and isn't there Transformers 2? Next year looks even better.

Sunday, I'll take the kids to Journey to the Center of the Earth in 3D!!!!!!

Movie: The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

Wow. Wife and I made a day date of it, had Saint Louis Bread Company for breakfast, you may know them as Panera. She tried some new breakfast sandwich, and didn't like the cheese they stuck on it, other than that a good sandwich, but I don't know that first hand, she had it... Oh, the bacon wasn't crispy! Oh, then we saw Mummy. Good movie. Then, we walked through the mall for just a bit...
Chesterfield Mall kinda sucks. The only good / interesting things in the mall Is right off of that one arm with the movie theater. There you have the theater, the food court (needs.. NEEDS) a Mickey D's BADLY! Better yet, Burger King. I love Burger King! If I were Iron Man, I'd love Burger King too. Actually, If I were Iron Man, I'd have a Burger King, IN MY HOUSE. Anyway, down from that you also have the Starbucks kiosk, and a neat carousel. I've taken my kids on it a few times, so it's obviously not the carousel from Logan's run... Still, neat to have in the mall.
Then, came lunch... CHEEBURGER CHEEBURGER!
Oh, you wonderful place. The bacon was crispy, the cheese, wonderful, the sauces... can have to go lids! I'll be wanting to go here again. More specifically, since my wife and I both think, though not factually accurate, since everything fried there is fried in peanut oil, it'd like really hurt our son, so, it's a date place! Maybe. I hope it is. I know she liked it, but will she want to go back. The local Applebee's let us down the last time. O'Charley's, a one time fave, has been spotty at best, and Cheeburger made a great first impression.

Then we came back, watched Meet the Pres and George Stephanopoluos... then Mirrormask....

It was a good day.

Dark Knight note...

My friend Matt and I, like a number of movie freaks have been watching the horse race of this thing.

But, at the risk of some embarrassment, It'll cross the 500 Million line on September 14.*

*Unless, it does 60 Million plus, in the next seven day period, which I have this irritating trend line saying it might.... But that trajectory would have it cross 500 in just 16 days from now, and movies, well just don't tend to do that. September 14th looks good though... the ugh, August 19th 500 mil mark is from a trend line that I think could be modeled better....

Legends of THE DARK KNIGHT

Impawards is a fantastic site, One of the best on the web. That's where I usually find these movie posters. Anyway...

There's a lot of praise out there for The Dark Knight, BUT did you know...

1. The Dark Knight was the first to slice bread.
2. The Dark Knight shot Greedo first.
3. The Dark Knight is commonly mistaken for a burning bush.
4. The Dark Knight caused the Big Bang.
5. The Dark Knight fell on Issac Newton's head.
6. The Dark Knight was available on 8-track.
7. The pyramids of Egypt were built to honor The Dark Knight.
8. All the stars in the sky were named after The Dark Knight
9. The Oscars were invented and waiting for The Dark Knight to be made.
10. Thomas Edison saw The Dark Knight in one of Edgar Cacye's visions and invented motion pictures.
11. The Dark Knight destroyed Atlantean civilization.
12. Play The Dark Knight backwards and it will tell the future.
13. The Dark Knight invented Spam (the canned meat version) and won all fourteen World Wars.
14. The Dark Knight was the first to Rickroll.
15. The Dark Knight defeated the Dalek's
16. The Dark Knight can make a rock so big, it'd crush himself.
17. The Dark Knight fed a theater filled with 5000 people with only two buckets of popcorn and a box of Raisinets.
18. The Dark night beats paper, rock, and scissors.
19. The Dark Knight made the Mona Lisa smile.
20. God believes in The Dark Knight.
21. The real Chuck Norris is nothing compared to The Dark Knight.
22. One day, Aliens on the White House lawn will say "Take us to see The Dark Knight"
23. The Dark Knight wiped out the dinosaurs.
24. The Dark Knight could take your daughters virginity, and you still buy the guy a beer.
25. The Dark Knight can beat up everyones dad, at once.
26. Galaxies and Universes revolve around The Dark Knight.
27. Other movies are good at the mercy of The Dark knight.
28. You can't sell your soul, The Dark Knight owns it already.
29. The Dark Knight gets out the toughest stains.
30. Shakespeare plagiarized The Dark Knight.
31. The Dark Knight called our ancestors out of the trees.
32. The Dark Knight can kill a lion with only it's thumbs.
33. The Dark Knight is the ultimate aphrodisiac.
34. The Dark Knight performed the twelve tasks of Hercules, in only five tasks.
35. The Dark Knight is the tallest man alive.
36. The Dark Knight is behind you, look. Gone? He's that fast!
37. The Dark Knight put the sword in the stone.
38. The Dark Knight brought E.T. back to life.
39. The Joker is one card, The Dark Knight is the whole deck!
40. The Dark Knight would win the White House with 810 electoral votes!
41. The Dark Knight is the Queen of England!
42. The Dark Knight is so cool, and attracts such hot women, it's why we have seasons.
43. The Dark Knight can not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed, or numbered!
44. The Dark Knight is the Kwisatz Haderach.
45. The Dark Knight destroyed the Death Star, twice.
46. The Dark Knight won the Millennium Falcon fair and square.
47. The Dark Knight can win at chess in one move.
48. The Dark Knight is the best James Bond.
49. The Dark Knight is the final Cylon.
50. The Dark Knight is Keyser Söze!
51. The Dark Knight can see dead people.
52. Charles Foster Kane called The Dark Knight "Rosebud".
53. The Dark Knight is the offer you can't refuse.
54. Superman doesn't have the stones to ask The Dark Knight to step outside.
55. Zod kneels before The Dark Knight.
56. Kyrptonite is Kryptonian for "The Dark Knight".
57. Darwin, on his death bed, confessed The Dark Knight.
58. The Dark Knight birthed John Wayne.
59. There was no such thing as gender, then the manliness of The Dark Knight turned half of us into men.
60. The Dark Knight invented sex.
61. The Dark Knight's Internet nickname is Chuck Norris.
62. The universe worries when The Dark Knight worries.
63. The Dark Knight wrote the Declaration of Independence.
64. The Dark Knight is the father of our country.
65. The Matrix is in The Dark Knight.
66. The Dark Knight watches the Watchmen.
67. The Dark Knight can hear you scream... IN SPACE!
68. As a child, The Dark Knight saw the Cloverfield monster, and asked his mom if he could keep it.
69. Where no man has gone before, The Dark Knight was already there.
70. The Guinness Book of World records contains only three words; "The Dark Knight".
71. DaVinci was obsessed with The Dark Knight code.
72. The Dark Knight is always there in 30 minutes or less.
73. The Dark Knight invented the Internet.
74. The Dark Knight invented Thomas Edison.
75. The Dark Knight can repair a Slinky!
76. The Dark Knight solved Rubik's Tesseract!
77. Santa Claus wants The Dark Knight to come every day of the year.
78. Mt. Everest aspires to climb The Dark Knight.
79. The weakness of Kryptonite is The Dark Knight.
80. Hulk can't smash The Dark Knight.
81. The Dark Knight redeemed Shawshank.
82. The Dark Knight caught every Pokemon.
83. The Dark Knight beats up the kids who beat up honor students.
84. The Dark Knight had the fish that ate the Darwin fish for dinner.
85. There is no secret government, The Dark Knight knows all about it.
86. Black holes got their fashion sense from The Dark Knight.
87. The Dark Knight is the road map to peace.
88. The Dark Knight does it live.
89. The Dark Knight knows the Colonel's Recipe.
90. Imagine what Scooby would do for a Dark Knight snack.
91. The Dark Knight bowled a 900.
92. The Dark Knight's caddy is Tiger Woods.
93. The best, has to make The Dark Knight of it.
94. The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, chases The Dark Knight.
95. The SDF-1 vs The Dark Knight, The Dark Knight wins.
96. Baby monsters fear The Dark Knight is under their bed.
97. The devil sold his soul to The Dark Knight.
98. The Dark Knight will win the Nobel Peace Prize.
99. Miss Universe will be renamed, Miss The Dark Knight.
100. The Dark Knight fathered Lois Lane's baby.
     

Movie: Hellboy II: The Golden Army

The Fantastic Four franchise, if it were still alive, should die of shame, whispering "Hellboy" with its last pathetic breaths. Two fantastic four movies and, Hellboy gives me a monster emerging from a New York street. H2TGA give and gives and gives. I can't think of a "Live action" movie without the word "episode" in the title that has more delicious ingredients. An analogy a friend suggested; was a bucket of fried chicken, but just the skin. Not that there's no plot or character, but fuck, there is stuff that's good for you in ice-cream. And this is SOOOO Many scoops of ice cream, covered in everything but spaceships. Clockwork, steampunk looking tech, women who are beautiful in an interesting way...

Now we NEED
HELLBOY 3!

Movie : Wall-E

I'm open to the possibility that I tainted myself with my own expectations this year. I expected Indiana Jones to be worlds of freakin fun, and it was. I expected Iron Man to put boot to ass in ways not nearly often enough done, and it planted that boot on a many ass indeed. And, I expected Wall-E to be the best Pixar movie ever.

I've been saying all summer, everyone's looking forward to Dark Knight, that the netfolk are just psyching themselves up for Dark Knight, and they're going to love it no matter what. Did I do this for Wall-E? Most years, having expectations leads to the opposite result, Transformers looked like a must see 'in honor of it's name' shit... It was golden.

This year, each movie I've gotten to see so far has landed right where it felt like it would... I haven't gotten to see the Love Guru, I heard it was shit. I didn't think it looked like it, but I'll believe them on this go 'round. I've had a bad feeling of Dark Knight, and that one looms large. I initially thought Hancock looked like a crap-flop, then I thought the most recent trailers looked promising, so I'd like to think it'll be a fun movie, but all I know is Hancock smells like money (and Bar-B-Que!)

F--, Will Smith could do a movie called Bar-B-Que, and as long as it opened on July 4th, it'd make 300 Million dollars! He'd be suburban dad trying to get home to his family for a July fourth cookout, when some giant smoldering beast has awoken from the Earth's mantle and looms large over downtown Dallas. (It's like Cloverfield, but you can see EVERYTHING in broad daylight) Somehow this everyman defeats through practical wit and wisdom a monster that the military has only kept at bay. The last line of the movie, when he's reunited back in untouched suburbia with his wife and family; "Aw babe, I forgot it, I'll have to run back to the store." I'm smelling a sequel cooking!!!!!

Anyway, I said Wall-E looked like Pixar's best movie ever...

So, what am I being when I say Wall-E is the best Pixar movie ever? Well... best, poo poo on that shit. If you have a Troy McCluresque weakness for fish, Wall-E is no Finding Nemo, Cars would probably be the movie James Spader's and Holly Hunter's characters in Crash would show their future children (I don't remember if the characters in that movie lived or what, it's been like 11 years since I saw Crash...) But, I love robots! Except Robots. I hated those robots. But, I love robots in movies so much, I've watched Silent Running multiple times! Yup, that much. Look at my Myspace page, I have an unyielding aesthetic affection for yellow and black safety stripes. Oh, Yellow tech grunge. When you have that yellow all rusted and dirty... like the lifters in Aliens, and .. gosh oh so many things, and it never feels like enough. Like this guy from the Ghost in the Shell line.

Oh man... and, obviously I LOVE space movies... Can't get enough good ones of those either... A scene I love in particular is (6:15 into the clip)



The "Good day, gentlemen. This is a prerecorded briefing made prior to your departure and which for security reasons of the highest importance has been known on board during the mission only by your HAL-9000 computer." That feeling of betrayal when you discover a secret being kept from you.

Wall-E features a singular red eye in the vain of HAL-9000 and Macross Plus's Sharon Apple.

F-- it. The most telling thing about Wall-E... My soda was still half full at the beginning of the credits... I FORGOT TO DRINK IT! My eyes were too busy drinking in his world.

Thank you Pixar. Thank you SOOOO MUCH.

P.S, My kids loved it too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is FAR from the last time Wall-E will be mentioned on these pages.

Best of the year:
Top 3...
1.) Wall-E... (seemingly pushed by a small droid behind him)
2) TIE, between Mr. Stark, and Dr. Jones.

Michael Turner

Carlin, Russert, Winston Fuck this has been a fatal summer... and now Michael Turner. 37 years old. Turner was one of the superstars that kept comics alive during the nineties after the crash. I loved this man's art, I loved the way it looked like he drew not with ink on paper, but with some smooth oily dark matter across celestial crystal. That, and (aside from his awesome displays of technology, machines, epic hyper detailed landscapes, rock faces, and beasts of every kind) his women. God did not craft woman to be as sexy as Michael Turner did, Turner was a god of sexy women.

I used to do caricatures for events like corporate picnics and High School all night lock-ins. The pay was wonderful, and it was kinda fun. And I've always said, High School parties were the easiest functions, you don't have to focus on drawing the teenage girl in front of you, just put her hair style on a Michael Turner girl. That's what all teenage girls want to believe they look litke to the world. I did it every time, fat, thin, pretty or fugly, draw the girl as a Micheal Turner Girl, and all her friends will squeal and say "Oooo It looks just like you!".

This sucks. And I really regret never having gotten to meet him.

A Michael Turner Gallery

MICHEAL TURNER
1971-2008

The Day The Earth Stood in Awe of Remake Audacity.

I read this on Movie Blog, and Movies Online has more details, I'm just going to rant, a lot. We've know it's been in the works, and just the other night, Matt and I while killing eons on the phone, well Matt actually pointed out to me that Day was not on the imdb calender for December. In a moment of, "Whew, maybe they rethunk it.." I'd hope that the movie was dead.

I love the original. It was the first movie my son ever watched. He was maybe 6 months old, maybe not even... and he had woken up as babies do, and his favorite place to fall asleep was in this big bean bag chair with the TV on. He was very fond as an infant of Black and White movies. So I popped in DTESS to lull him to sleep. He watched the whole thing, and now at 6 it's still one of his favorite movies. That is the creamy decadent icing on my love of the original movie.

The problem with every remake, but to such a greater degree with this one, is one question; what do you second guess.

Keanu Reeves already answers part of that question.
Keanu has a lot of pluses: He LOOKS a FUCK OF A LOT like Michael Rennie, They raise the same eyebrow the same way.


Of course, Stephen Colbert has more than just a passing resemblance to Michael Rennie too. I love Keanu as an actor, he was awesome as John Constantine, a character to which he bore little physical resemblance. He was none, NONE of the reasons the Matrix sequels sucked. (Hell, off topic here, but the Wachowski brothers aren't entirely at fault. The Matrix Sequels sucked, cause you can't do just ONE movie any more. I doubt they thought they'd get a chance to do any more, so they put everything into the first one they could, and they ended with their character being a god. Oops. Try to do parts 2 & 3 after that. They could of killed their god hero, but he was the star. They were trapped in a franchise structure that begs for crap. Anyway...) Reeves, like Colbert, may look like and have a lot of similar physical qualities to Rennie, but neither are him.

Why cast an actor with such physical similarity and not a similar presence? The choice of John Cleese as Dr. Barnhart is certainly a choice of presence. It's a fine choice too, he's nothing like Sam Jaffe, and I hope that Cleese is allowed to play the role straight.
Jennifer Connelly, well at least your not gambling here. She could play a phone book and no one would complain, and a phone book, unfortunately has more depth than most female roles did in sci-fi back then. She's a fine choice, and far from a gamble.

The poster looks so, War of the Worlds, that the movie doesn't look like it's going to have the two most important visual elements have any loyalty at all to the source material. The ship, and GORT. Reeves could on his own strengths, save the role of Klaatu, I don't think he delivers a speech as well as some actors, but Micheal Douglas is a tad old to be Klaatu, as is Martin Sheen. But Gort is the center of the movie. He is cop, sent here to tell us to settle down...

BTW, why are we about to get our asses paddled without a cold war? What will Klaatu's speech be about in an age of arms reductions? Do they worry about proliferation to rouge states and commercialism of space flight? The combination of the two would be exactly why they were going to paddle our behinds to extinction in the first one.

Please. Remake it, but don't reimagine what doesn't need to be reimagined, and don't rethink better thoughts. Don't package a heartless brainless movie, into the title of a classic. We Sci-Fi fans have had few moments on the road to mainstream respectability. The Thing, and Day the Earth Stood Still, were our path to mainstream respect and acceptance. Star Wars, as much as I love it, moved Sci-Fi into the business of printing money. Even though A New Hope, was a pinnacle of quality and profitability, after Star Wars, quality couldn't make a dime. The next Sci-Fi movie to be worthy of a Best Picture nod, took decades for mainstream acceptance.

OMG! The Anti Geeky EVERYTHING conspiracy Killed EVERYONE! (Maybe, Maybe not, but look at this)

Well, if you think that the word is going to choke to death on Gasoline. Here's what completely SUCKS, if they'd just build futuristic looking cars... geeky looking cars... Well...

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Do auto makers just assume we'd rather DIE with boring looking cars. Yes, this guys Honda looks like, well, crap, but he did it himself. Every auto company could have nice looking professionally built versions of this by next year.

The big thing that rips my head open about seeing this, is the Why? WHY HAVEN'T auto makers done this. WHY?

A Smart Executive wouldn't talk to me, but A Stupid Executive commented; "Ooooo an aerodynamic looking car might look futuristic, Nerd might sleep happier, and I beat up NERDS!"

Do ALL non geeks think this way? I went to the bobblehead filled chambers of power of the Anti-Geek Council, with pennant covered walls and empty beer kegs, and a sign saying they were convening at Hooters.

So I went to Hooters, where three guys who never went to college run the GLOBAL anti-geek conspiracy:

Why can't we have futuristic looking cars, do you have something against things looking cool?

Head of Non-Geek council: "Shut up! And keep the computers running! We throw out a couple movies for you cave dwelling imbeciles. Now Go Away."

But, you could have made cars look this cool for the past 20 years, and we'd have polluted less, and have more money to spend on other things. You're basically killing us, by making sure that America doesn't look like it was built by ... geeks.

President of Rid the world of geeks: "Will all of you eat some of the wings? Who's paying anyway?"

Anti-Geek Conspiracy Chairman "By insuring this world doesn't look like it's run by grown men who buy toys, we... we..."

What? Sustain sexual viability to your wife? Have an easier time raising your sons to be bullies? There's NO EXCUSE.

And if I were to blame anything but an anti geek conspiracy, I'd start feeling paranoid.

This looks like a 70's vision of today...

But, it's neat as hell...



A more astute blog Technabob, ran a story on it in September.

Damn, all it needs is a scantly clad Erin Grey with it.