Baskin Robbins would not do G.I. Joe like this!

Oh yea, this really looks like G.I.Joe... Gets my shit on FIRE! This...

This... Is SPLINTER CELL.

If J.J. Abrahms, gave us a cantina full of aliens, and Phaser Sabers and mystical powers, We'd hate it! Not because we hate Star Wars, but because Star Wars is Not Star Trek.

Go. Go tonight to Baskin Robbins. Order a flavor. Now. Did they give you the flavor they wanted to give you, or the one you ASKED for?

Baskin Robbins doesn't tell you what flovor you're getting when you order something different. Starbucks doesn't say; "Sir, your coffee would taste better if you ordered this..." So, why do YOU do this.

We WANT a G.I. Joe movie. We enjoy Splinter Cell.
This does not look like G.I. Joe.

But, it could just be the poster.

Yes, I had a knee-jerk reaction to something early on Transformers, and that turned out scrumdiddlyumptious. So, maybe this post is just knocking on wood.

George Carlin

1937 - 2008

This is too soon. There's a broad list of famous persons, when they die, you go, "oh, they're dead." and you're sad for a moment. Then there's your heroes. Your idols. The ones who lay psychological and intellectual rails in your mind. Peter Jennings, Carl Sagan, Gene Rodenberry, Jim Henson, and now George Carlin. I got nothing here. He was a master at the use of words, and when trying to write, they, the words feel gone as well.

During the writers strike, I needed some news, to replace the missing Daily Show. I hadn't taken news seriously since the death of Peter Jennings. I was on the phone with a friend, and that friend said; "George Carlin's on MSNBC."



I haven't willingly missed an episode of Countdown since.
Mr. Olbermann, Carlin's endorsement carried a great deal of weight. You owe him, at least one viewer.

EW's 100 best of the last 25 years, or 100 quick movie comments, or Listbitching!

Entertainment Weekly, a magazine I used to subscribe to until one really, I mean REALLY bad phone call with a customer service rep went HORRIBLY wrong. I even hated the magazine for a few years, because of one bad customer rep. Anyway, I'm over that now, I just have the internet, and get far fewer magazines now than I used to. Anyway, these fine folks have made a list of the HUNDRED BEST movies in the past, well, in less than my lifetime. A list... Everyone loves lists. Should we bitch about exact placement... no, unless it's Really deserving it. Hmmm, forwards or backwards. There should be some suspense... Oh, the pictures, right. Oh well, yes EW says that the BEST movie of the past 25 years is...

1. Pulp Fiction (1994) Best. Debatable regardless of ANY title you could stick here. I can't think of a movie that deserves this ranking so much more than Pulp Fiction as to be obvious, but, damn, I LOVE this movie. I wouldn't say best though. Can we cheat and say that Jaws and Star Wars are a little younger, and fit them in?

2. The Lord of the Rings trilogy (2001-03) Theatrical or extended? Fellowship and King rule in both versions, and Towers, weak in the theatrical, owns up in the extended version. I'm troubled by Rings though, I don't pop it in that much. The Alan Smithee version of Dune on DVD eclipsed you. BTW, Peter Berg, your Dune... Has to be deserving of a spot in the top 10 of this list. That's how high your bar is. The Alan Smithee version is my wife's Favorite movie ever and in my top 5 easily.

3. Titanic (1997) Saw it 14 times at the theater. After 9 viewings, you're there for the boat to break, but GOD, I love this one too. BTW, If you've never seen that version of the poster, it says up at the top, "From the Director of Aliens, T2, and True Lies." Over this Merchant Ivory looking poster. James Cameron, you were, for a number of weeks in 1998, King of the Fucking World.

4. Blue Velvet (1986) I need to see this. But his version of Dune is one of the worst movies I've ever seen.

5. Toy Story (1995) Woah. Why? It's here because it walked hand drawn animation to the gallows right. It's not the film per se' that's that great... It's good, but no, it has to be here for being the dawn of an age of movies... has to be.

6. Saving Private Ryan (1998) Damn, it'll be awesome if Damon is Captain America. BTW, DiCaprio, love ya, but his chin is slightly broader. This movie though... Should have been Captain Miller at the cemetery.

7. Hannah and Her Sisters (1986) Haven't seen you either. I spent my formative years of being a teen film nerd, avoiding Woody Allen. I blamed Annie Hall for winning an award that a small little movie deserved more.

8. The Silence of the Lambs (1991) No. This movie was over rated at the time, but this is retarted. put a zero behind it, it should be down at number 80...

9. Die Hard (1988) Okay, definitely list worthy, top 30 worthy, but you have to be here for starting an action movie fad that lasted over 10 years... You had so many rip offs.

10. Moulin Rouge (2001) Oh now come on! The fist 40 minutes or so are worthy, but then the movie losses it's umph cause it feels the need to service it's plot! A rare crime to be sure, but no, it should not round out the top 10.

11. This Is Spinal Tap (1984) But this top 10 goes to 11!

12. The Matrix (1999) We're still not speaking. Sure, it was an old crush, but we haven't spoken since the third one. It's socially awkward to invite onto a list like this... did it publicly disown its retarded brothers, It's Larry, they're the two Daryls. Has the Jaws rule applied to the damn thing finally? You know, Jaws must have applied. I guess they shot the sequels back to back since Roy Scheider bailed on the third Jaws.

13. GoodFellas (1990) It's good, but I never understood what was so great.

14. Crumb (1995) This list is feeling a little stupid.

15. Edward Scissorhands (1990) Yup, it is. This movies ending was a hard edgy anus cutting turd. The third act completely destroys this movie.

16. Boogie Nights (1997) There's a line in here that... ohhhh... Moving on.

17. Jerry Maguire (1996) Yea, ok. and...

18. Do the Right Thing (1989) um uh...

19. Casino Royale (2006) Ok, Fuck yes! Own up to SPECTRE! DO SPECTRE! And this will be the best age of BOND EVER!

20. The Lion King (1994) Hey, are these just American movies? If not, we're missing some Anime.

21. Schindler's List (1993) Feel Good? They said Crumb, is better than you...

22. Rushmore (1998) No wonder they said something... This movie was a fad. No one cares about it anymore, it was really over hyped at the time.

23. Memento (2001) But not as badly as this piece of wreckage. This list is now all but completely invalid. Memento is crap. Inventive storytelling, does nothing if the story has nothing interesting in it. It's a movie about drug dealers. It's a small story about mostly really horrible people.

24. A Room With a View (1986) I'll have to check this out sometime.

25. Shrek (2001) Fat Ogre winds up with a princess, but we can't have people thinking that the fat dude gets a hottie, no you fucktards, she HAS to be a fat bitch to to be with him. Pretty people go ONLY with the PRETTY FUCKING PEOPLE you little brats, take that moral from Shrek. If you're ugly, or fat, go live in the swamp! Good kids movie there.

26. Hoop Dreams (1994) Nope, haven't seen you either.

27. Aliens (1986) Completely awesome.

28. Wings of Desire (1988) Oh, F yea. City of Angels wasn't bad, but something went missing.

29. The Bourne Supremacy (2004) My friends insist I must see this series.

30. When Harry Met Sally... (1989) See, there's a good movie.

31. Brokeback Mountain (2005) Avoided due to Hulk being crap.

32. Fight Club (1999) Great movie, deserved better placement.

33. The Breakfast Club (1985) Also a masterpiece, did this get tossed around and done by 10's or something?

34. Fargo (1996) I really didn't care for this. Lemme guess, The Dude, is not worthy of the list, nor Hudsucker, but I'm guessing No Country is... That would be so lame.

35. The Incredibles (2004) Pixar's best movie. Ever. But Wall-E will probably kick it's ass.

36. Spider-Man 2 (2004) Enjoy the spot, one future lists, you'll be looking at Iron Man's contrails.

37. Pretty Woman (1990) I'm not ashamed to admit love here.

38. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) Nor am I ashamed to admit pointlessness. Actually, I'll be honest, I can't remember if I loved, hated or cared. Insert anything, yes, you're right. I agree with you completely on this movie. And I maight again.

39. The Sixth Sense (1999) This was shit. Complete boredom. No ambulance shot = Dead Bruce Willis. I knew it in the theater. Twist this.

40. Speed (1994) Mmmm skipping class to see movies at Crestwood mall.

41. Dazed and Confused (1993) Ok. Great soundtrack.

42. Clueless (1995) Really? It's good, I just thought more than , like, 50 good movies came out in the past 25 years. Guess I lost count.

43. Gladiator (2000) This picture rules. Between this, Master and Commander (where is it?) and 3:10 to Yuma... oh, and L.A. Confidential, Russel Crowe, just might be that damn good!

44. The Player (1992) "Can we talk about something other than Hollywood for a change? We're educated people." --Griffin Mill (Tim Robbins character) No, Griffin, we can't cause frankly, its a nihilistic universe of cold reality without our imagined treasures. Why bum ourselves out?

45. Rain Man (1988) See it at the right age, and you'll wind up craving Iko Iko too.

46. Children of Men (2006) Oooooo Damn fine pick, is it overrated...

47. Men in Black (1997) This one is. A bit... Top 50?

48. Scarface (1983) Top 1,000,000? Now that's overrated. Just because a movie has an awesome quote in a decent scene DOESN'T MEAN THE REST OF THE MOVIE IS ANY, ANY GOOD!

49. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000). I enjoyed you. You may sit right here.

50. The Piano (1993) Haven't seen you.

51. There Will Be Blood (2007) Hey, I've been wanting to rent you.

52. The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad (1988) Awesome. The first segment was especially therapeutic in 1995 with the non-stop coverage, I'd take breaks to see that scene.

53. The Truman Show (1998) Yes. 10 years ago, I'd have a much different position, but something about Ed Harris in this movie etched into my consciousness.

54. Fatal Attraction (1987) Last Emperor won best picture that year, where's it?

As I was typing this, I just read that George Carlin Died.

So, raise a glass, and say ; Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, Tits.

Anyway,

55. Risky Business (1983) Shit... (I'm in a bit of a mood, it's not shit.)

56. The Lives of Others (2006) Haven't seen it.

57. There’s Something About Mary (1998) Laughed so hard I practically fell out of my seat.

58. Ghostbusters (1984) Awesome movie! See, Sequels shouldn't be held against you!

59. L.A. Confidential (1997) Oh good this list isn't an idiot... well completely anyway.

60. Scream (1996) Fucking hilarious.

61. Beverly Hills Cop (1984) Not as funny as scream, but a crap load of fun, I like number 2 as well!

62. sex, lies and videotape (1989) Pretentious. This is a movie your film nerd friend forces you to watch. If you're a film nerd, and forced someone to watch it, this is the movie that friend named when bitching that you made them watch movies during an argument. No one says, "You made me watch The Usual Suspects!" Noo... "You made me watch Sex Lies and Videotape!!!!" Said all the time.

63. Big (1988) This is one of MANY of movies always remembered more fondly than it actually is.

64. No Country For Old Men (2007) This movie more so than any. Complete shit.

65. Dirty Dancing (1987) Nobody in 1987 would believe this, and now, no one doubts it! Last Emperor won best picture that year, where's it?

66. Natural Born Killers (1994) Why? It made it's point, but you could watch it do so? Ugh.

67. Donnie Brasco (1997) The list author owed Donnie Brasco money.

68. Witness (1985) Harrison Ford as not Indiana Solo, and the LEAST sexy boob shot ever on a hot chick! Sound juvenile? I was 10 when this came out.

69. All About My Mother (1999)

70. Broadcast News (1987) Last Emperor won best picture that year, where's it?

71. Unforgiven (1992) Praised for a body of awesome work... I need to see you again, I owned you on VHS, saw you opening weekend, but we've never connected since it won Best Picture.

72. Thelma & Louise (1991) Ok.

73. Office Space (1999) This is why lists can't be made too soon after the fact. Fuck, this was WAY better than American beauty.

74. Drugstore Cowboy (1989) Nope, haven't seen you.

75. Out of Africa (1985) Mmmm Hmmm.

76. The Departed (2006) Awesome.

77. Sid and Nancy (1986) Had not seen.

78. Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) First one's better. This is prettier..

79. Waiting for Guffman (1996) Don't know it.

80. Michael Clayton (2007) Wonderful, it should have "negotiated" with No Country.

81. Moonstruck (1987) Last Emperor won best picture that year, where's it?

82. Lost in Translation (2003)Terrific, Loved it.

83. Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn (1987) Where's Bruce Campbell Vs The Army of Darkness, that's my fave of the series, it's extra Brucey!

84. Sideways (2004) On my DVD shelf and I've never seen it, I may watch it tonight.

85. The 40 Year-Old Virgin (2005) Yea, it's good. Maybe not list worthy, but awe shucks.

86. Y Tu Mamá También (2002) Whoa, Foreign films are allowed, and no Anime. SHIT ON THIS.

87. Swingers (1996) Yea, you're fine, but where's Akira, that should have been in the top 10!!!

88. Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997) Shagadellic Mojo baby, yea, but not one Miyazaki movie is on this list I guess. The BEST filmmaker EVER. Period. Five BEST Filmmakers ever, Kurosawa, Hitchcock, Lean, Spielberg, and Miyazaki. (Not to at all demean, Cameron, Lucas, Kubrick, Curtiz... could fill 20 guys easily even agree on a 20 way tie to be civil, but no FUCKING MIYAZAKI!!!!!

89. Breaking the Waves (1996) Never heard of you. And you're on a list WITHOUT ANIME!

90. Napoleon Dynamite (2004) Fuck you! I don't even WANT TO SEE THIS TRASH! SINCE IT'S ON A LIST WITHOUT ANIME!!!

91. Back to the Future (1985) Hi, I won't yell at you, old friend.

92. Menace II Society (1993) Didn't see.

93. Ed Wood (1994) PERFECT!

94. Full Metal Jacket (1987) Good stuff.

95. In the Mood for Love (2001) Don't know.

96. Far From Heaven (2002) Likewise.

97. Glory (1989)Good movie, I like it despite almost hating Civil War movies.

98. The Talented Mr. Ripley (1999) Yea, good movie. Please be Captain America.

99. The Blair Witch Project (1999) Only movie I ever stood up in a theater and proclaimed on opening night as CRAP!

100. South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut (1999) Masterful. But recent seasons have been better than the movie. Canada on Strike for one...

What a BS list. No Anime. It had Animation. It had Foreign. But Foreign Animation... Ignorant fucks. So yea, wonderful list, stimulated thought, provoked an appreciation for anime, and what a year 1987 was! Thank you EW, for giving us shit to rap about.

Hulk Smashes Love Guru

Hulk, and the Marvel plan has problems. Box Office Mojo has a showdown chart, and with the movies he's against on the list, well, it's soft opposition. At day 10, Iron Man was 80 Million past that. I've never made a habit of blogging about box office, but I've never been so enamored with the concept Marvel's rolling out. It's one of the best ideas in movie history. A living superhero universe on screen. The Marvel experience in the theaters, with the characters feeling less "adapted" and more accurate then we've ever had ANY Superheros before. Batman (every time) and Superman, X-Men and Spiderman were all sell-out adaptions. Iron Man has changed everything. This Hulk, the Incredible Hulk veers his franschise in that direction, but is Marvel packing the movie snow here too tight?

How Many Mighty Marvel Masterpieces fit into one summer?

Two to Three a year hasn't been that bad so far, but alot of the audience has been alacarte viewers, picking and choosing the Marvel Movie Mayhem. As we get closer to the Avengers, will the films become more intertwined? They'll surley have more of a spotlight on them, and that may create the impression that Marvel is doing more films than you have been, that you're trying to overkill something... I realise that we've had the 2.5movies per year formula for oh... 2002. 6 years, and the Mad Marvel Machine rolls on stronger and stronger.

Which brings us to the 50% occupied glass of the title of this article, Hulk smashed the Love Guru. This has to be clearly to the Hulks advantage. It's not Completely clear if Hulk of Panda won second place, and Get Smart did no damage. This is a little sad for Steve Carell, but I don't think his Box office is any commentary on him. I swear, people are coming around to the way I see comedy. Watch them at home, the laughs aren't any bigger on sixty feet of screen. To much mainstream comedy is obvious, lowbrow, gutteral or well, fart jokes. It's tiring.

So Congrats Hulk, for kicking the ass of Love Guru. Both Smart and Guru would have done better, NOT coming out in the same weekend, but Marvel, beware your own shadow. You're on the mainstream radar, like a frontrunning political candidate, so now, the media will want to KILL YOU!

Redboxed: Surf's Up.

We've rented this before...
But, after Jumper, this thing is AMAZING. Art. Win every award. Fuck, it was robbed, fucking ROBBED of the best documentary Oscar! Jesus, they have to put so much make-up on Shia LaBeouf to make him look like he does in his other movies, I had no idea these actors were actually penguins! Jeff Bridges, who knew?

The visuals are wonderful. When the children you watch this with ask what super-computers are used for, it's not discovering future habitats for mankind amongst the stars, or discovering how to splice stem-cells into cures for AIDS and cancer, no our best computers make them penguin movies!!!

I just found a note here from the future.

Dear dawn of the millenium,
Thank you for the sucky planet. What Jackass decided to never find an energy source other than oil? It was a century old befor our generation was born and sucessfully destroyed the world, way to go jack holes, thanks for clearing up diseases too, wait you didn't, and now we live in a dirty overcrowded sespool of a planet. The Pacific Ocean is covered with plywood shantytowns and as far as we can tell, Monty Python's "Every Sperm is Sacred" was the Global anthem. So, Dawn of the Millenium, go Fuck yourselves, BUT, we'd like to thank you for the gorgeous Penguin movies! The social conscience they instill leaves us with guilt that they were a generation or two too late. We do respect the artists who made the movies though, our research indicates that by the dawn of the century, people with half a brain and any creativity realised they were endangered as a speices and were doing anything to survive. You did not doom the future artists of the past, that was done by the masses who bookchecked kids in Junior High.
Signed -Chelsey Rhodam Bush Obama President of the United States of Eastern New York. Population 487,000,000,000.

The good news, it was written on a Starbucks napkin, and wrapped in a Wal-Mart bag!

Redboxed: Jumper

What a piece of. Complete. Utter. Unforgivable. My wife and I were fighting over who need to apologize more for wanting to rent it, since it was a mutual decision. With a running time of 24:256:35:13 and some odd seconds... Who made this pile? Oh Jeeeeeeze... Hold on I'm still recovering from this...

There's a category of films, that should now be given a name; movies with almost nothing but good poured into them, but none of the good bits ever gel together so they end up being all bad.

See, Jumpers... good concept. Paladins, also good. The list is even a little larger than that, jarring location jumping, movie about teleporters, blurring morality lines having you root for teleporting bank robbers over murdering, torturing religious zealots with a piety mountain wedged up hind their crotch.

As they peeled all these lovely potatoes, making the stew of this movie, some mold grew of; abusive father, childhood crush grew up to be insanely hot, a depthless sidekick, and we lost all semblance of scenes having any reprocutions after we've cut away from them in the first act. This movie could have been the Highlander of this decade. Instead, it's another of those packed with good, but something has made it unwatchable. We'll call these movies Jumpers.


Oh, I never said what made it so bad? Okay, try a kid asumed dead, but not, just some big plot dangly, yet he can teleport everywhere, so much that he makes a comment about "Why you walking..." later in the film, but he has a PASSPORT??? He walks through air ports with bags of cash... There are a billion questions in this movie. The 500,000,000 that pull you into the world of the jumpers, is what we mourn, the 500,000,000 WTF!!! Ruin it.

Suspension of disbelief is one thing, but movies need rules. Indiana Jones finds a UFO, and everyone survies waterfalls, fine, it's Indy, he survived going out of a plane in a raft. Banner gets angry, and Hulks out, PERFECTLY believable. These movies FOLLOW THEIR RULES!

Paladins have been fighting Jumpers since the middle ages... What did they do before electricty. Come on what was your weapon before? Were the paladins actually founded by jumpers, is there a group with a different power?

Indiana Jones took his potential to the max with a Fridge ride, but it's no different than the raft in temple.

Jumper fails to even see half of it's potential.

That's why it's a Jumper.

Primaries 2008

A presidential race is some of the best sport in the world, and for political junkies, this year's been wonderful two fascinating primary fights on both sides. And Olbermann gives us this video retrospective.

Thoughts on Tim Russert and Stan Winston (and my cat)

Tim Russert

There's one other post I've done like this, and it was for Peter Jennings. Peter was my favorite, ever for a long time, and his torch of unbiased honesty was carried by very few, and we've increasingly lived through times that have made unbiased objectivity harder and harder to hold onto much less to find. He was Washington's ombudsman, and when comparing all the talking heads of politics... he wasn't one. He spoke with an almost alien efficiency, so many espicially on cable speak in circles and fill time with redundancies and hyperbole. He spoke to either get information, or convey it, expertly at both. I will, as so many, miss him dearly. I didn't know the man personally, but like we all allow so many other, their work becomes a part of our lives. He was the main event of my Sunday morning, usually accompanied by a bowl of ravioli for breakfast.

Stan Winston

As a teen in the late eighties, Stan Winston's name associated with a movie was like a stamp that said "Certified Cool". He cleared the brush off a good chunk of the path to geekdom. Movies he worked on are the movies that non-geeks look at, and think, "They're not so bad." Hell, they're the geek movies that non geeks own, that you can talk about to non-geeks. These people may not know every plot point of the first Terminator, or name the planet in Aliens, but they know what the creatures looked like. He was one of the stars of Starlog and in a pantheon of the guys like Harryhausen, Trumbull, Dykstra, Tippett, and Baker, playing with the coolest fucking job ever, playing with the coolest toys ever.

Tim Russert... Friday.
Stan Winston... and my cat D'Lerium... Sunday.

What a fucking shitty weekend.

D'Lerium
Rest in peace all three.

Redboxed: Juno

Hold on, had a thought here, and I have to figure out it it's plagiarism or a Cliché. Gimmie sec... Googling; "Juno After-school-special"

Hmmm "1 - 10 of about 6,320 for Juno After-school-special. (0.37 seconds)"

Cliché! So.

Now, from scanning the search results there's two clear camps, that it was or was not an After School special. One friend said "lifetime movie".

Either way, Every joke or comment I had heard about this movie was about the use of slang. Aside from the one douche in the opening scene, it was far from as thick as other media made it out to be, so, part of me was a little disappointed that the dialogue sounded so much flatter than I was expecting.

Way to screw a comedy, comedy. Other than that, it made me feel old, when I identified more with the parents than the kids. So, we're done talking now. One other thought; if Jennifer Garner was supposed to be such a bitch, why do we still feel okay with her having the baby? She's going to be a craptastic mother. Awful really. She's one of those dumb fucks who has to re-define their life when ever they believe society mandates it. "Oh, I'm a teen now, I must put away childish things and, I must listen to what is popular, and were this brand make-up, and blow these boys, for it is expected of me." The she gets to college, sleeps with a new guy every three days until she meets "the one" and moves into "We're married now, we're adults. I will read the newspaper (for the first damn time in her life..), attend a church of my choice, and dress... sensibly." These are people who want their life completely dictated by some roadmap society issues. Life, you have my address; my copy got lost ages ago and I've been winging it, but I'd be curious to see all the boring crap I've missed.

C.J. Craig and J. Jonah Jameson should have raised the kid.

Movie: Incredible Hulk

Eight years ago, Ang Lee gave us Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. I loved it, many did, but I had excitedly asked an Asian friend of mine one of those; "Didn't you just love it?" questions. He told me Crouching Tiger was complete shit. CTHD was a bag of the stalest cliche's ever crammed into a asian movie. Then, a few years later, after Hulk, I believed him. The first 20 minutes the last 20 minutes and most parts in between them are some of the worst movie ever... but that's Hulk (2003).

This Hulk, the INCREDIBLE HULK, is awesome. But, I gotta say, the "Too much CG" crowd. They suck as a demographic, they're a bunch of fucktards who don't even know what they're talking about, ever, on anything. I'm not talking about you, I mean that other fuck, the one you don't like. If the sun had just exploded, and one of them said the world was about to end, I'd have doubts, cause one of them said it. If they'd say "I wish the FX were better, what can be done to enhance the beliveability of these CG creatures?" Then they've returned to sanity.

Hulk's FX are a little more quantity than quality, but it's more then good enough. And if you NEED a 10 foot green man to look more believable than this to accept him, your imagination is dead in the corner of your brain. Wait, they're all the same evil pricks who think Aliens don't belong in Indiana Jones... you're the Golgafrincham. The B Ark. This movie ruled. Not Iron Man good. But damn, GET ON THE NEXT HULK MOVIE MARVEL!

Marvel score TWO for TWO... The only perfect studio in Hollywood. Wait does Lucasfilm count???

Movie: Indiana Jones and the Kindom of the Crystal Skull

Wow!

Loved it. Personally, it's my favorite Indy movie after Raiders.

Going to get spoilerriffic here...

SPOILER ZONE.

STOP READING, WAIT TILL AFTER YOU SEE THE MOVIE!

Ok, all clear? Good.
Cause I have NOTHING to do here, but rant about the people who are hating on this movie.

Directed by Steven "Close Encounters of the Third Kind, E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial War of the Worlds, Speilberg. And produced by George "STAR FRAKKING WARS" Lucas! They have this character they trot out from time to time, he goes on great adventures, like with God's box, magic rocks and Oh, Jesus' DIXIE CUP! So, why are aliens WRONG? Fuck, and NO, X-Files and National Treasure comparisons are ridiculous! Yes in both this and Nat-Tres2 They're after a city of Gold.... Gee, same as Road to ElDorado! So what? And theres and alien skull, with Hanger 51 ooooooo X-Filesy... National Treasure wouldn't have been a stain in it's mommy's feminine products without Indy to daddy it into this world. But, really what I can’t get a grip on is that almost the entire fan base of this flick has seen Spielberg do aliens, a lot, and Lucas do aliens, a lot. But in the movie about a guy who goes after an ark filled with ghosts, magical stones and cups o’ immortality, aliens are ridiculous?

So, what other myths are off limits to Indiana Jones? Why are aliens wrong, and Jesus’ accessories are okay?

MAKE MORE INDY MOVIES!

SHIA RULES!

Redboxed: Rush Hour 3.

Thank you. I was wondering why No Country for Old Men won an Oscar. Now I know.

Movie: Speed Racer

First, take a minute here...


Okay, see that? Now, on with...
They have some full episodes on Hulu, a fantastic site!... Every episode of Buck Rogers or the OLD Battlestar Galactica at yer fingertips! Hot DAMN! Anyway, in that intro we see racing, explosions and some primitive bullet time.

This movie has MORE racing with the Mach 6, an invention of the Wachowski's, then it does the Mach 5. It has SMALLER explosions than the cartoon, and NO BULLET TIME.

C'mon, you couldn't have made the opening of the credits of the movie like the cartoon, with a race, HUGE explosion and BULLET TIME, were you afraid the guys who made the first Matrix movie would get so pissed that they finally break out of the locker and crush your skulls for stealing their lives. At least you guys let them make a kick ass V for Vendetta.

So, why the Mach 6 at all? (It looks like you painted the Batmobile white.)

A:? The Mach 5 is a touring car.

Ok, If the Mach 5 is in fact a touring car, then why not have had the plot of the movie center on the middle race. or some larger trans-continental race. Maybe have the Mach-5 be the best car with the best gadgets. Have the villains trying to maybe steal the plans for the Mach 5.

Whatever, my kids loved it. Me... Meh. The Middle was an AWESOME speed racer movie. You could have had something really special if the Mach 5 HAD been something special.

Redboxed: Seeker and Sweeney

The Seeker: The Dark Is Rising
This is my new favorite movie ever and has replaced everything I've ever liked, and the problem with print is you can't hear sarcasm. This is just a Harry Potter knock off based on some Harry Potter knock of book from 1973. Oh. Crap. Uh... Never mind. Why'd you start with the second book? Well. After learning that, I've nothing more to say, other than, the lady who wrote this books, could see the future, and wrote stuff inspired by Harry Potter... twenty years early. We kinda thought the movie was bla...




Then we watched...




Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

How, How the FUCK can anyone sit through THREE hours of this? What did they cut, and why?

Sorry, just did not enjoy this. I love Depp. I usually love Tim Burton (Planet of the Apes... happy for you on the check clearing, but jeeze, that was... not necessary), and the number Epiphany kicked ass!

Actually, after looking through it, this was probably the best Sweeney Todd could be, since all the shit we hated, was the stuff that's usually in the story anyway, but, watching it, first exposure to the story ever, it sucked.

If you had done Cinderella, and I'd never known ANYTHING about Cinderella, I might cry Bullshit on the glass slipper... So Sweeney and crew, have had their feet really cut up by their glass slippers here. Sorry for not feigning worldliness and faking awareness of this thing. I can name Broadway shit like NASCAR shit... I live in St. Louis and we're not NASCAR or Broadway types...

Note: The spell checker will underline Broadway with a lower case "b", but doesn't know what NASCAR is. (it recommends spelling it PASCAL)

Movie: Iron Man

Iron Man
Is all about Thor. From the last line of the film, and if you left before the credits were over, sorry... this movie is all about Thor. Thor is not in this movie, mentioned in this movie... hinted to exist in this movie. Thor is nowhere but the slate of Marvel movies for 2009... along with Captain America and the Avengers.
Thor's MUCH more important than Iron Man.
See... The Avengers have been eternally a... LESS than interesting Super-Group, and this comes from a guy with the whole run of West-Coast Avengers. They're like the Justice Leauge whenever someone does a stupid Justice League without Superman Batman and Wonder Woman. Captain America is usually their biggest character...

Okay, lets difine size of a character: Growing up in the 70's/80's Spider-Man had a cartoon, Hulk had a Live action Show... BOTH of those chartacters had the other (cartoon and live action show) and Captain America had.. a motorcycle helmet. Superman and Batman were BIGGER characters. Espically Superman. And Wonder-Woman had a TV Show too.

So, as older people, Marvel's line up may seem to be second-tier characters, but, they don't HAVE to be. With the animated movies and the features, the tiers are collapsing, and shaking into new strata. My son LOVES Doctor Strange. Never read the comic, only saw the DVD movie. But that was enough. Iron Man will be above Wonder Woman in the Super-Hero pantheon by the end of the summer, and no longer a second tier character.

That's why it's all about Thor. Marvel's debut making the movies of their characters has taken the genre back to school, just by GIVING A SHIT!!!!!!!

This is what a spandex comic book movie can be like just by caring? Look at that poster, it looks like an old Wizard magazine mock up. Marvel is giving us Fanboy dreams!!!! But, even though their first outing was.... straight to the head of the class... it's all about Thor now.

You can make a wise ass Armored man cool... easy. Captain America, you could probably do in your sleep.... don't, but it doesn't seem hard when done by professionals... but how do you make Thor cool as Iron Man?

That's the test of your new studio Marvel. Not because Thor is some fav character of mine, he's far from it... really he's a tad... he's not the flavor I would chose. Okay, he's one of my least favorite marvel characters. So. Make me like him. Keep him from being lame. Please Make the weakest link in the Avengers line-up just as strong as Iron Man. Cause, with one line from Nick Fury, It's now all about Thor.

Went to return Charlie Wilson and I found...

Cloverfield
This wonderful Sci-Fi epic spoke to me. I mean, other sci-fi epics have given us lightsabers, FTL drives, flying cars, robots that look like Sean Young (fully functional )...
Wait... Okay, Can you fuck a replicant? Or did it just work since Deckard was a replicant? I mean, if it's fully functional with her girl parts, then THAT is the most impressive piece of Sci-Fi technology, but... oh, and communicators, and the Holo-deck on Star Trek. There are so many pieces of fantastic gear in Sci-Fi, but this... This camera is AMAZING!!!!

An HD camera with an amazing battery life, that's that durable, and has the easiest to clean lens EVER!!! Awesome Camera, and the light on it, barely even hurts the battery life, as in, no worries. It even has Infrared in some of the best quality I've ever seen, and the on camera mic, RECORDS IN DTS 6.1!!!!!! Awesome! I WANT this camera! Make it REAL!

I liked the movie too, except the cartoonish leaning building. All the other buildings crumbled, except that one, it was being held up by Jesus. Note to Jesus. Next time, hold the building with one hand, and kill the fucking monster with the other.

PLEASE MAKE A CLOVERFIELD 2.

Redboxed: Charlie Wilson and Sentinel

The Sentinel
Sledge Hammer, 24, Desperate Housewives, The Streets of San Fransisco... Yea for TV! The plot... this was Minority Report without any cool future tech.... It's an old movie, but, I had thought about seeing it... Okay, last night, I was trying, TRYING to rent movies, nobody else in the family would want to watch, I mean bore fests to everyone but me. How best to do that, pick movies with Washington / political backdrops. Plus I kinda liked the Irony of watching a Washington movie written by Arron Sorkin, plus a Micheal Douglas around / near the White House movie combo. Kinda recreating the Nate and Hayes accident of renting Micheal Clayton and No Country for Sucky Movie. So, when it all comes down to it, Sentinel's title barely even makes any sense, but Why, in this movie, and we've all seen this one a billion times... why does the framed good guy always steal a car? Why? You're innocent of anything and EVERYTHING you could go to jail for, and you STEAL A CAR, and it's never brought up EVER again!!!! He's an auto thief now! It won't come up again, but it happens in every version of this stamped out script. And this was based on a novel! It probably had to be just to clear itself of being based on 10,000 scripts just like it. The old friends with a falling out investigating each other? Why if you're a character as young as Sutherland's would you be buddies with, Mr. "took a bullet for Reagan." Micheal Douglas can't have any, ANY aquaintences without non-related speaking parts. He's so OLD, they give him Depends, but, a long time ago, he was best buds with the young guy... BULLSHIT! This is a swell, and handsome guy, shit, it's even part of the plot that everyone likes him, so why doesn't he have a base of friends that he doesn't work with (who he could have borrowed a car from?)... BULLSHIT. These characters lives are too small to fill the screen...

Oh look, it's
Charlie Wilson's War
A nomination for Philip Seymour Hoffman. No writing, no Julia Roberts, no picture, just a nom for Hoffman. And that piece of shit NCFOM, won a shopping cart full. Fuck that. BTW, look at that piece of shit poster. Who decided to paste Philip Seymour Hoffman onto the poster like he's some psychotic voyeur? Let's play Where's Seymour? He and his character are great in the flick, it's just, damn that looks bad on the poster.

I just don't have many words when I love a movie, and this one kicked ass. Smart, relevant, educational, superbly done... most people would hate it, well, I'm cynical that way.

Downey to reprise role as Iron Man in Iron Man!!!!

Wildly Popular 'Iron Man' Trailer To Be Adapted Into Full-Length Film

On youtube...

A blog is a handy way to keep a collection of youtube videos you like, without having a page on youtube... I guess I'm lazy....

Redboxed... A number of movies....

30 Days of Night
First, I forgot to mention when we rented it, Nothing really to say... Nice solid flick, I'll remember you fondly.... Okay, I rented this one like a week or two ago... The four movies we/I've watched in the past 36 hours are below, and I just finished No Country for Old Men. Right before that, we watched Hitman. Oddly, Michael Clayton is the movie on my mind more than the others.... BUT, one thing; this was quite unintentional, I'm a fan of the movie Nate and Hayes, I won't say I'm a big fan of it, since size is relative, and well I only know one other person who knows of the movies existence, and owns the DVD... So, he's the big fan of Nate and Hayes... I'll wait till it's on Blue Ray I guess... Anyway, Nate and Hayes, was a WONDERFUL pirate movie With Tommy Lee Jones (No Country for old Men) and Michael O'Keefe... Who I had no idea he was in Michael Clayton! The poster to the left here is jealous I'm not even talking about... What;s to say, you're okay 30 days... I liked you, but don't be clingy... our relationship was a one night stand, no late fees.




Oddly enough, All of these were returned a day late...

Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium
Is a lovely movie. Not just because Natalie Portman's in it. She helps. But it's good to see a movie like this. "Family" movies that talk down to no one, but don't wink at the adults constantly are all but non-existent. My son wanted to see this movie, and I'm elated he did, since the trailers made it look like pure crapola. Part of that is just the reputation of the usual attapt at a movie like this is a eye burning hell hole that you beg be taken from you mind. Wow, one worked. If we were to say, hypothetically, that Dustin Hoffman had very few films he could be proud of, I'd say then he should be proud of this one... he had chemistry with everything... Hew had more chemistry with a dishwasher in this movie than most romantic leads have with everything that ever romanced them on screen. This movie is well... I need to save some thought on it later, this thing is ammo in the gun against a movie that was UNFORGIVABLE. It's one of the three below, and it's pure SHIT.





Michael Clayton
An Michael Clayton is FAR from pure shit. I'd been looking forward to this one. If you like a dry almost boring movie... I'm being fair here, I didn't find it boring, but it's not... It's... It's not artsy. So, it's ... "dramatic?" maybe. Suspensful? Kinda. I started this movie at like 2:30, just to see how interesting it might be, to look forward to watching the next day folding laundry. Yes, I was going to fold laundry to Michael Clayton. Well, I couldn't find a place to stop it. Damn, and it LOST Best Picture to No Country for Old Men... Oh, I was exited then!!!!!!!!!!! This was solidly good... Ok, It's not great. The ending is great, the slice of life feal is expertly done, and I'll never rewatch it ever again... Once everthing's unfolded, well... But it was a good view.



Only two movies are left on this little list... one is PURE SHIT. One won BEST Picture.. So, COME HERE!

Hitman and No Country for Old Men

Hitman.... HITMAN... You..... (Imagine Ryan Seacrest trturing these two movies...) Hitman, you're based on a Videogame from 2000! No Counrty for Old Men, you're based on a 2005 novel. Hitman, you've won NO AWARDS, and had a worldwide gross of $98,008,597. No Country for Old Men.... you won FOUR Oscars including BEST PICTURE! and had a worldwide Gross of $134,235,551!!!

Hitman. you...

are...

Safe. No Country for Old Men, you're... I'm Sorry, Those awards must have been make up sex for The Big Lebowski. I love the Coen Brothers, and I can't remotely understand what anyone sees in this movie... (spoiler alert) YOU HAVE NO ENDING! You have the forensics team from Basic Instinct. You're supposed to be SOOOOOOOOOOOO Real, but no one goes into shock... Nothing in this movie makes sense. It's...
hold on, lemme calm down here... I'll try to be polite, you're very overrated... Stardust and 300 get nothing, and you win all these awards... I shouldn't be surprised, Beowulf wasn't even Nominated, those asinine penguins were. I swear those Oscars MUST say, "The Dude ABIDES!!!"

Spider-Man 3, I'm sorry, you're NOT the worst movie of the year. In my heart, it will forever be No Country for Old Men. No Country, you rooted yourself in the real world, and well, seemed... I'll admit, it's a neat idea to have McGyver as the villian, but seriously, why the hell even BOTHER with Woody Harrelson character... He did NOTHING!!! The guy in the building... also USELESS. It all felt so artsy for the sake of artsy, I expected it to be an M. Night Shyamalan film. No ending, like the Soprano's WHAT A TWIST!